16 September 2009

My Cheap Ploy to Get Lots of Comments -- I Say What's on My Mind

I haven't had a post that engendered a lot of comments recently so I'm resorting to a cheap trick: telling just what I think. I figure one or two of my opinions will raise some hackles. Should you find anything I say here objectionable, please, please leave a comment.

I believe that puppies should be boiled alive, especially the cute ones.

All breakfast cereal should be heavily laced with hallucinogens.

School playgrounds should be veritable minefields. This way only the very lucky will survive into high school.

Death panels are a great idea but should not just be for the elderly. Everyone should have to go before one and panelists should be heroin addicts in the throes of withdrawals.

Henceforth all adults must perform their own colonoscopies.

Free speech is highly overrated. Limit it to every other Tuesday, say between noon and three pm.

Jean-Claude Van Damme is our greatest living actor.

That Glenn Beck fella seems like a sane, reasonable, rational human being.

Answering the question, "what's up" by saying "the sky" should be punishable by death.

All snowflakes are identical.

South Carolina shouldn't be the only state that allows the brain dead to enter politics.

The single most important thing a person can do for society is to maintain a film blog.

Hopscotch is the greatest sport in the world (the photo above is from last year's national championships in Hazelton, Pennsylvania).

Fridays and Wednesdays should be forever switched. If I have to explain the rational for this you're beyond hope.

Boys most definitely do not have cooties.

I think the whole story about Abe Lincoln beating a street mime to death is probably true.

(That ought to do it. Post a comment and you will be sent $5,000 in gold coins or my name isn't Vlxczy P. WF7uioennie.)

Note: Normal film blogging will resume with my next post.


Scott said...

Totally agree about puppies. I would include kittens as well.

Unknown said...

If I had been drinking coffee while reading this, I would have spit it out from laughing so hard!

"South Carolina shouldn't be the only state that allows the brain dead to enter politics." and "The single most important thing a person can do for society is to maintain a film blog." are my favorites.

And hey, I leave comments very often and resent the fact that you are resorting to cheap tricks to get OTHER people to leave comments. Mine aren't good enough? ;)

Jess said...

I love it. I think reading most blogs through my google reader has cut back on my urge to leave comments. when I arrived at an actual blog every day I often felt the need to leave comments. The added step of clicking through has made me a lazy bum. Do know I read all posts though!

Christopher55 said...

Promise to write more often. Lately I've been obsessed watching this dark comedy called "Congress in Session." Everytime I attend to turn it off, a character does something that just makes me stare at the TV with my mouth hanging open.

GoddessJJL said...

I hate to correct you but EVERY state's constitution REQUIRES their legislature to submit to a lobotomy or brainectomy. if they have a brain or personality they are kicked out until the offending organ/personality/ethics are removed and stored.

KC said...

I can't believe you said that about snowflakes--harumph!

Christopher55 said...

"Congress in Session" is the sequel to Dr. Strangelove, isn't it?

PRS_Elbo said...

You are so wrong about the puppies. If you boil them alive, a large amount of blood flushes to the surface of the skin and radically alters the texture. It becomes far too moist and creates a soggy, chewy mouth feel when eating. It is much better to asphyxiate the puppies 12 to 24 hours prior to boiling. This allows the skin to dry out enough before boiling so the moisture absorbed in the process doesn't ruin the end product. You should follow the example of Cook's Illustrated and do extensive experiments in your culinary endeavors.

Richard Hourula said...

I stand corrected.

Jacqueline T. Lynch said...

"The single most important thing a person can do for society is to maintain a film blog."

I disagree, you lousy punk. What this world needs is less film blogs, less films, and a wholesome return to pictographs on cave walls.