As a Landmark Birthday Approaches, I Ponder Life and Ask Questions

On Wednesday I’ll be celebrating my 70th birthday. Goodness me, I’m old now. 

I have accepted with grace all previous birthdays. I took bows for my 60th and even wrote a countdown to that day on this blog. Hell, 60 wasn’t even retirement age, I wasn’t even a  senior citizen yet. Now I’m a goddamned old man. Worse than that I’ve crept — run? galloped? hopped? — a lot closer to the end of my time here. How much longer do I have? Given that I live in the United States I could be gunned down tomorrow, if not later tonight (thanks NRA). Cars careen onto sidewalks, trees fall on pedestrians, sudden earthquakes send buildings tumbling down on passersby, alien invaders zap civilians with killer rays (okay that last one is a bit of a long shot). The point is there are zero guarantees as to how long we’re going to stick around. I had two of my healthier friends die of pancreatic cancer, not to mention a couple of students who weren’t even 21 when they died from other forms of cancer. On the plus side I’m healthy. I work out regularly, walk a lot in between and maintain a healthy diet. I’ve had nicks and bruises and colds and the flu but nothing serious in my first seven decades. My father lived a healthy 91 years before the toll of a freak fall claimed him a year later. My mother was 81 when she died which is remarkable given that she was mentally ill, smoked and had a mostly poor diet. My grandmothers stuck around for long lives but I’ve already far outlived both grandfathers. For that matter I’ve outlived one helluva lot of famous people. Just for starters: Jack Kerouac, John and Robert Kennedy, Malcolm X and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Adolph Hitler and Franklin D. Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jackson, James Dean, Amelia Earhardt (presumably), Marilyn Monroe, John Lennon, Billie Holliday,  Napoleon and Sylvia Plath. The list, as they say, goes on.

I just googled “what percent of people live to be 70” and the first answer I saw was 43 which is a ten point increase over the beginning of this century. So I’m in the minority (if I make it to Wednesday). Nice accomplishment but let’s shoot for more. 

Seventy years. Do you realize how many times I’ve urinated? (Speaking of which, try counting the number of different places that you’ve peed, it’s impossible, there’s a lot). I guess no one really wants to contemplate how many times anyone else has taken a whizz. Jesus, how many tacos have I eaten? How many apples? How many gallons of water have I drank? Why aren’t there statistics on these kind of things that are readily available to us? Maybe in the future. What was the coldest day I’ve ever experienced? What was the hottest? How many different students have I taught? How many teachers have I had? How many sports events have I been to? Dear god that would be a very large number indeed. Basketball games alone. How about movies? How many have I seen? Which have I seen the most? I could name a score or more that I’ve watched over a dozen times like It’s A Wonderful Life, Duck Soup, Manhattan, Goodfellas, Christmas in Connecticut, Casablanca and more. How many hours have I spent staring at the TV (while it was on)? How many of those hours were wasted like when I watched Hogan’s Heroes re-runs when I was 18 years old and how many of those hours were well-spent like when I’ve watched Breaking Bad or Monty Python’s Flying Circus?  How many books have I read? (I’ve written five.) How many books have I started but never finished? How much time have I spent “on” a computer and how much of that time has been wasted and how much productive? How many miles have I walked? How many women have I — maybe I won’t go there in this post, besides I know that number. How many times have I stubbed my toe? How many airline miles have I flown? How many colds have I had? How much snot have I blown out of my nose? (Sorry about that one.) What’s the closet I came to dying? What famous person did I walk by but not notice? What famous person did I walk by before they were famous? What’s the closest I’ve been to a murder? How many children do I have? Wait, I know that one…two. I also know that I’ve only been married once and since I got it right that number can be etched in stone. How many hours of music have I listened to? How many different pairs of shoes have I owned? How much money have I spent? And how about a breakdown of how that money was spent. I can’t imagine how much I’ve spent on housing, clothes, restaurant tabs, booze when I was drinking, books, movies, sports events, high end call girls (the answer that one is zero). How many people (women, generally, I presume) have secretly loved me? How many people have hated me? (Besides school administrators.) How many of my former students remember me fondly?

Bigger question: has it been worth it? Simple answer: God yes. Despite suffering from occasional depression being alive has been great fun. I had a marvelous time throughout my twenties and loved being a new father and for that matter an old one. Teaching has not been without its horrors but for the most part it’s great fun and I’m told I’m good enough at it. I’ve seen great athletes, great games, great teams, great moments. I’ve written some insightful, entertaining pieces and at least one book that a lot of people have enjoyed. I’ve enjoyed spending the last 39 years with the love of my life. Talk about luck! My children have made me enormously proud. I got to play sports and coach. I had some unforgettable moments in both roles including scoring the winning goal in my soccer team’s California state championship victory when I was 16. I’ve also met some truly interesting, funny, thoughtful, brilliant, unique people. It’s been a great ride. This despite the fact that I’ve made some horrible blunders and terrible decisions and done some incredibly stupid things. I have a lot to regret but so much more to celebrate.

I constantly fret about the inevitability and finality of death but know that it’s better to enjoy the one thing we have for sure: now. 

Now is okay. I’m doing fine. No need to rue the past nor worry about about the future. Not when there’s the present to enjoy. Not an original idea, I know, but worth remembering. Think I’ll do that.

I Can't Believe He Did That, My Favorite Characters From TV Dramas

Observant readers (Mohammad McGillucuddy of Umpqua, Oregon) might recall that last week I provided readers with a list of my top ten favorite sit com characters. The post was met with such widespread joy, acclaim, and praise that I am here providing a list of my top ten characters from dramas. You’re welcome.

Unlike our friends in sit-coms we have more complicated relationships with our favorite drama characters. Some for example, are murderers and in the case of my list, eight of ten are criminals. In some cases we don’t so much “like” them as find them compelling. I note that the characters below all have or had a strong sense of humanity and may have felt a degree of remorse. They are fully three-dimensional characters (in some cases four!) and not cardboard cut-out “bad guys.” Their stories are unique. Their actions often regrettable but occasionally understandable. They often shock us. Their relationships with others are invariably fraught. A ripping good biography could be written about each were they real people. These characters all benefit from great writing and appear on well-directed shows with strong supporting casts.

1. Walter White (Bryan Cranston) Breaking Bad. He was an easy choice for me to top the list. Walter White’s story is one of the best (maybe THE best) ever told on television. The transition from family man and high school chemistry teacher to murderous drug kingpin is an amazing journey and Bryan Cranston gave the performance of a lifetime in realizing this singular character.

2. Barry Berkman (Bill Hader) Barry. Technically Barry the show is a comedy. I’ll tell you what you can do with your technically. Yes there were a few chuckles in the show but less as it progressed. There was nothing particularly funny about Barry (the character’s) story arc. From hit man to actor to — say what the hell was he at the end? Total loon? -- twas fascinating to watch unfold. Hader had already established himself as a comic mastermind and now has demonstrated he is a terrific show runner, writer, director and dramatic actor. 

3. Kim Wexler (Rhea Shorn) Better Call Saul. At the show’s outset she seemed to simply be “the girlfriend.” But she developed into so much more. Utterly unpredictable yet true to her complex character. Obsessive personalities always make for good theater as do intelligent ones and she was very much both. Imagine someone stealing scenes from Bob Odenkirk’s well-established Saul Goodman. But she was that good.

4. Kendall Roy (Jeremey Strong) Succession. Oh my. Strong’s acting alone, his total embodiment of KRoy, his commitment to his craft  made Succession a must watch. Kendall was all over the map but all within his weird and wonderful personality. 

5. Omar Little (Michael K. Williams) The Wire. Not a surprise choice I’m sure because Omar was universally popular. But why? He was a brutal stick-up man who usually robbed drug dealers. He carried a shotgun under his duster and wore a bulletproof vest. But he also whistled “Farmer in the Dell” while about to strike and of all things he was gay. The late Michael K. Williams made something very special out of character who could have been just another thug. Masterful. 

6. Saul Goodman (Bob Odenkirk) Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. Across two shows Odenkirk’s Saul Goodman has become a part of high quality TV culture. The ultimate con man. The fast-talker. The winner (usually). He was the ultimate streetwise ambulance chaser but one who made it good. No morals. No compunctions. He put his overwhelming sense of self to the aid of his clients and to win. The chip on his shoulder was massive but what a job he did to chip away at it.

7. Marty Byrde (Jason Bateman) Ozark. He never blinked. No matter if there were guns in his face, if his wife was embodying Lady McBeth, if his son was trying to leave the family, if he was dealing with a dangerously deranged brother-in-law, Marty Byrde was unflappable. In rarely giving in to emotion Jason Bateman put on bravura acting performance as TV’s greatest money launder. Laconic has never been so interesting.

8. Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling) Orange is the New Black. I imagine this to be a controversial choice given how many really interesting characters lived in the OITNB world. After all Piper was just the privileged white girl, very much the fish out of water. But she was also the show’s glue, its original reason for being and her struggles to simultaneously be accepted in this strange new world and plant her own flag made for great theater. 

9. Carmen Berzatto (Jeremy Allen White) The Bear. The glue that holds together a great cast. Carmen is in the center of a mad whirlpool of events surrounding a Chicago restaurant. The premise of The Bear never intrigued me but once I started watching the show I couldn’t look away and the show’s lead was a principal reason. He was driven, he was tortured, he was passionate. Mostly he was easy to root for and I think this stems from the utter realness of White’s portrayal. 

10. Paul "Paulie Walnuts" Gualtieri  (Tony Sirico) The Sopranos. The ever reliable sidekick. He would do anything for his boss Tony Soprano and he did with an old school flair. Paulie was the ultimate friend, the consummate mob soldier and because of Sirocco’s past as a gangster, a link between the real world and the fantasy that was the Sopranos. 

A few worthy runners up: Jimmy McNulty (Dominic West) The Wire, Elizabeth Jennings (Keri Russell) The Americans, Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) Breaking Bad, Roman Roy (Kieran Culkin) Succession, Noho Hank (Anthony Carrigan) Barry and Wendy Byrde (Laura Linney) Ozark.

Best ensembles: Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Succession, The Wire, Orange is the New Black, The Bear.

The Blogger Returns After a Nearly Two-Week Absence -- No Excuses Offered -- Various Topics Explored

Bob Odenkirk and Rhea Seehorn of Better Call Saul

The tenth of the month and still no blog posts. Okay, well, there's this one which raises the total to (gets out calculator) ONE. I’ve had a lot to say. No, maybe not, maybe I haven’t had much to say at all. I can’t tell which. Maybe a little bit to say. Maybe an average amount to say. In any case all my writing time has been focused on the novel which — as they say — is coming along. I suppose I’ve mentioned before about how much I enjoy the process. Yeah, I have. I  love living in the world I’ve created. I’m spending a lot of time with characters of my own creation. I know these people like they were old friends, which in a sense they are. In writing a novel it's paramount that the readers feel as though they know the characters as well. So they have to be “well-drawn.” I’m working on it.

Hey, did you know I’m getting a pacemaker? Yup. Within the next couple of months I go under the knife, so to speak. I’m fine about the whole thing. Anytime you have a “surgical procedure” there are risks but one feels more confident when the “procedure” doesn’t even require you to spend the night in the hospital and you can go running around again in a couple of days.

I have atrial fibrillation which means that the ole ticker has occasional flurries of beating too rapidly with occasional short pauses when it rests. It hasn’t kept me from doing anything, in fact I’ve been working out as usual. But it can get worse and that’s trouble.

Anyone else watching and enjoy Better Call Saul? One of the great TV shows of all time is ending next Monday. I’m on pins and needles (very uncomfortable). I’d write more about the show but it would mostly be a series of adjectives in the nature of “outstanding” “great” “amazing” “compelling” “fascinating.” Maybe — as I did with Breaking Bad — I can give a more nuanced assessment at a later date. It'll be hard to know where to start with a veritable universe like BCS's. So much credit (perhaps the lion's share) has to go to creator and show runner, Vince Gilligan. But the actors....Bob Odenkirk and Rhea Seehorn are (glowing adjective) but then so is the whole cast. 

Recently watched Licorice Pizza (2021) Anderson again. It was number two on my top ten lists of films for 2021. Drive My Car (2021) Hamaguchi was numero uno — when it became available on DVD I immediately pre-ordered a copy which arrived a few weeks ago. Re-watching these films affirmed to me that they worthy of the top two spots. I’ll not say more about either now as again I’d be rattling off a string of adjectives. One thing I took note of with Licorice Pizza is the obvious joy that director Paul Thomas Anderson took in creating the picture. His ebullience came through, making it a damn fun movie to watch. Drive My Car is a masterpiece. It's just under three hours long yet flies by.

Elsewhere in my life... I still have to endure the pain of depression. It’s a bastard. Everything in your world can be jake but that melancholia wraps its tentacles around you just the same. Then everything you’ve done, are doing or are going to do seems meaningless and stupid. The most pleasant of memories is shrouded in blackness and the good feelings that should imbue your spirit are blown into the ether. What a terrible affliction. Anyway, it’s not currently here so best to put it out of my mind.

Ending on a more pleasant note: puppies, ducks, kittens, moose, cool breezes, hot tea, hugs, kisses, fist bumps, breakfast, lunch, dinner, Better Call Saul, Only Murders in the Building, The Beatles, your favorite team winning.

I Like Moose, Nobody Wants to See Your Wordle Score, Poets, Bergman, TV and the Ruination of a Sport, All in One Wild and Wacky Post

A moose.

I like moose and I’m trying to figure out why anyone wouldn’t. They're lovely creatures. Not quite majestic nor regal, even a little dorky in a powerfully-built sort of way. I understand that some people hunt them. Why? What kind of sicko gets pleasure out of killing a beautiful animal? If you need to hunt them for food, fine but otherwise just take their picture and admire them. I like looking at photos of moose and follow an account on instagram dedicated to posting them. They can be dangerous if provoked so don't provoke them. Also, don't try to feed them. Leave a moose alone and you're fine. I think they’re pretty cool.

Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath are two of my favorite poets. Both committed suicide. Plath had multiple lovers before marrying, Sexton had numerous affairs while married. Both had abusive husbands. Both were trailblazers as poets and women. I’m reading about them now in a book called Three-Martini Afternoons at the Ritz: The Rebellion of Sylvia Plath & Anne Sexton. I find them fascinating, brave women who led tragic but meaningful lives. The book I'm reading about them is good. It was written by Dr. Gail Crowther.

Ingmar Bergman was married five times, had children with each wife and one with a lover, the actress and his frequent muse, Liv Ullman. In addition to Ms. Ullman, Bergman had affairs with Bibi Anderson and Harriet Anderson (no relation) who both appeared in many of his films. Strike the word monogamous from Bergman’s dictionary but underline insatiable. I've had my hands full with one wife and zero lovers on the side. How he managed it all while being such a prolific director is beyond me.

I’m loving the final season of Better Call Saul, one of the great TV dramas of all time. There are four episodes left. I anxiously await the appearances of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman. I’ve also been given to understand that Carol Burnett appears on the show. BCS is from the same people who brought us Breaking Bad so you know they won't disappoint in the finale. I'll be sad to see it end but certainly have enjoyed the ride.

Speaking of TV I’m also enjoying season two of the brilliant comedy Only Murders in the Building. Martin Short and Steve Martin (or Steve Short as they could be called) are howlingly funny and Selena Gomez as their fellow podcaster and crime solver is equal to the task of holding her own among two geniuses of comedy.

I’ve never heard a satisfactory explanation for why some folks post their Wordle scores. I’ve been playing since the end of January and never thought for a second to waste anyone’s time thusly. I often discuss Wordle with oldest daughter but other than that keep it to myself because frankly why should anyone care about my score? Yet you’ll see people posting their day’s result on Twitter. Might as well keep a public diary of when you clip your toenails.

One of the great loves of my life for many years was college football. I’ve been a fan of Cal football since I was a wee tyke (such suffering) and enjoyed the pomp, pageantry and most of all the traditions. But the sport has been systematically ruined over the past twenty-five years or so. All in the pursuit of more dollars. Rivalries have been ended. Conferences have lost their geographic meaning and been eviscerated. Bowl games have saturated the market and the older ones have lost decade long tie-ins with conferences. Kick-off times are often not decided until a week before the game and too many games are at night. The straw that likely broke the camel’s back is the PAC 12 conference (of which my beloved Golden Bears are a member) losing two of its original schools, U$C and UCLA, both of whom are moving to the Big Ten (giving them sixteen schools despite the name). The two southern California schools are two of Cal’s three rivals (along with Stanfurd). This will have a devastating impact on the conference as a whole and Cal in particular. The loss of revenue will be staggering. People in the know speculate that the Bears' only chance of survival (yes, it’s that bad) is to also join the Big Ten — if they are wanted there. College football is a mere shadow of what it used to be and it is looking to get even worse. The big schools will survive and prosper (the rich getting richer in the US? Who’d have thought it). The situation constantly reminds of the song, Look What They’ve Done to My Song by Melanie. “Look what they’ve done to my song ma, it was the only thing that I could do half right but it’s turning out all wrong…” The more things change the worse they get. I can’t even escape the pain and heartache of the world today through college football anymore. Bad news is everywhere. 

At least there are photos of moose to look at.

Returning to Breaking Bad, The Incredibly Journey Where Everything that Surprises Us Seems Inevitable

I could’t bear to watch anymore. It was painful. But I couldn’t look away. It was  compelling. 

I was re-watching Breaking Bad for the first time since the show ended it's initial run. I'd reached the final season. There was so much pain. So many lies. So many deaths. It was a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. Watching ruined lives was agonizing. But what theater.

For me Breaking Bad is the best drama that television has ever produced. Walter White (Bryan Cranston) is also one of its -- here we get into a trouble. What adjectives can possibly suffice? Greatest? Most fully-realized? Brilliant? Compelling (that word again, it’s all over any attempts to describe Breaking Bad)? Intriguing? Frightening? -- characters of all time. And beyond that the Walter/Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) partnership not only provided the most fascinating relationship in television history but perhaps in all of fiction.

Jesse and Walter was the ultimate love/hate relationship. But what incredible love and what horrible hate. They plotted and threatened to kill one another but they also saved each other’s lives, each pleaded for the other. They were father and son. They were bitter adversaries. They were partners. They were rivals. They were teacher and student — figuratively and literally. They needed one another. They each suffered because of the other. They got into a knock-down drag out fight. They gave one another gifts. A strange and awful symbiosis. 

Walter’s transformation from mild-mannered high school chemistry teacher to drug kingpin is the heart of Breaking Bad. His descent into evil is gradual yet with fits and starts. There are shocking moments along the way. One thing Breaking Bad does so well is provide moments that make viewers gasp — even upon a second viewing. (How many times, I wonder, did I audibly gasp while watching the show?)

Yet through it all Walter is somehow remarkably relatable for a person who breaks so bad. We revile him and root him on, transfixed by his fascinating metamorphosis. Understanding his initial motives, mesmerized by his brilliance. We feel equal measures of compassion and revulsion. But we want to see what the hell he does next and how he does it.

Then there are the shocks. Did he really do that? Did he really concoct that amazing story about his disappearance? Did he really watch a young woman choke to death on her own vomit when he could have helped her? Did he really order the murder of a former co-worker? Did he really shoot his ex-partner, Mike? Did Walter really just kill those drug dealers? Did he intentionally poison that kid? Did he really say that? What beggars belief is all over the show. And the accumulation of lies. The deceptions. The false promises. It's overwhelming -- but never rings false.

Walter brought down virtually everyone around him. He turned Jesse into a veritable punching bag absorbing terrific physical and psychological beatings -- unimaginable ones -- before mercifully saving him at the end (arguably a classic case of too little too late). He drove his wife Skylar (Anna Gunn) nearly mad with worry, fear and internal conflict. Compelling her to share in the lies and deceptions. Skylar became a reviled character to many viewers who bristle at the sight of a woman standing up to evil or succumbing to it. She did both. Skylar could be hard to watch, particularly when she went cold and self-harmed through smoking cigarettes. Walter was all blood, fury and fire and she the ice maiden, tortured by the loss of normalcy. A defeated woman who carried on just the same. Sitting in the dark smoking so maddeningly placid. And oh how icy her words to Walter could be. But sharp and awful, and deserved. 

Some of Walter’s victims were unsympathetic, such as the drug lord Gus Fring (Giancarlo Esposito) who was vicious, sometimes sadistic and interested only in the bottom line. His veneer as not only a respectable business man but one who enthusiastically supported worthy causes, among them the DEA, was chilling. He felt so real, so contemporary. Such an honest kind of evil hidden in plain sight.

Then there was Walter’s brother-in-law the DEA agent Hank Schrader (Dean Norris) who was Inspector Javert to the elusive Heisenberg (White’s nom de plume). Bigoted and coarse he is difficult to sympathize with, until the moment he’s killed by the hell brought down by Walter.

And what of Mike Ehrmantraut (Jonathan Banks) himself a remarkably complex character who saw Walter for the disaster he was? That Walter killed him -- an especially unnecessary death -- was both sad and fitting. How else could it have gone for Mike in Walter's world? Mike was gruff, unsentimental and himself unafraid to kill. His secretiveness kept us from understanding him, but we appreciated him all the same. (His character has gotten a good fleshing out on BB's sequel, Better Call Saul.)

What did we learn from Breaking Bad? 

Choices. 

There’s an expression I abhor: be careful what you wish for, you might get it. 

I much prefer: be careful what you do, one never knows the unintended consequences. 

Pruning a tree in your backyard might have unintended consequences but they are unlikely to cause death or ruin lives. Getting into the meth cooking business to provide for your family after a cancer diagnosis risks a horrible whirlwind of unintended consequences. Walter reaps what he sows and what a bloody harvest it is. Surely the miscalculation that he can make a highly addictive and destructive drug and live happily ever after sets the whole shitstorm in motion. 

(And here's the political commentary: with a decent health care system in the United States, none of it would have been necessary.)

Walter initially dips a toe into the illegal drug business then goes for a swim. He dives so deep that it becomes impossible to get out — even when he quits once and for all. He nearly drowns Jesse in the process. Jesse who becomes, ruminative nearly to the point of catatonia, at times resigned to his fate at times struggling to survive. My god, Jesse, what did you do deserve this? That's right, you made league with the devil.

Breaking Bad provides action, adventure, drama and excitement aplenty. It is also a great source of moral questions to explore and debate. Fine lines. Yes, it has a bit of everything, a lot to offer a lot of different kinds of viewers. 

We also get a breathtaking array of brilliant acting performances. Cranston and Paul in particular put on master classes. It’s a good thing too because their roles required nothing short of brilliance. An actor must dig into the very soul of his/her craft to fully articulate these characters who are so embroiled in life's internal and external madness. Gunn, Norris and the rest of the cast are revelations with a highlight being Bob Odenkirk as Saul Goodman, Walter and Jesse's fast-talking morally ambiguous attorney. His character and performance were worthy of Breaking Bad’s sequel, Better Call Saul which has its final season beginning next month.

But what struck me most with my second viewing of Breaking Bad was the brilliance of the writing. Credit here goes to creator and show runner, Vince Gilligan (who is working similar magic with the sequel). The writing provides continual surprises without every going off the rails or violating the integrity of the characters. Very little in Breaking Bad strains credulity and we’re so wrapped up in the story and characters that we accept every incident, every storyline, ever shift in focus. Everything that is surprising later seems to have been inevitable.

The writers were at their best in fashioning characters who were both believable and fantastic and whose actions were always consistent with who they were.

From here I could go on and laud the directing, cinema photography, editing and everything else that makes a great production. Everything worked in sync. The production values were not merely good, as is the case with virtually everything that makes it on TV these days, they were exemplary.

As I noted at the outset it became a rough go for me toward the end. I never hesitated — indeed I usually rushed — to watch the next episode and I enjoyed it thoroughly but watching the total disintegration of the characters was grueling. Indeed it was harder with the second viewing when I knew what fates awaited them. I also felt more engaged with the characters and felt their pain, fictional though it was. 

(It was fiction, wasn’t it?)

I became so engaged in the story that it seemed part of my life. Breaking Bad entered my dreams and existed on the outer edges of my consciousness as if the characters were colleagues or neighbors who I regularly encountered.

I love several TV dramas of fairly recent vintage: Ozark, The Wire, Better Call Saul, Orange is the New Black, The Gilded Age, The Sopranos and Succession, but nothing matches the way I feel about Breaking Bad. 

A show for the ages.

(Dedicated to my youngest daughter who also thinks that Breaking Bad is the best TV drama ever.)

And Many Happy Returns, The Author Celebrates His Birthday

The author. (Not a recent photo.)

Happy birthday.

To me.

Sixty-eight today and I swear I feel fantastic. My main problem with aging has been the chronological number attached to it and the fact that it indicates how much nearer I am to the end than the beginning. (There’s also the fact that I’m not the cutie pie I used to be.) I'm working on all that.

Perception.

I’ve always liked my birthday. For one thing I receive gifts. I like gifts. I also enjoy receiving cards, letters, texts, emails and in-person greetings from friends, kinfolk and acquaintances. 

The immediate family and I always have a special dinner on my birthday and a sweet and delicious dessert.

I don’t believe I’ve ever had a bad birthday. Indeed I’ve had some real corkers. Most of the ones from when I was four through a teenager were great. Birthdays as a kid are the best.

I’ve enjoyed a couple of surprise birthday parties. I like those. You often hear people say they hate surprises. I’ve never understood that. I love surprises — assuming they’re good ones. A surprise and a party combined are wonderful. Why wouldn’t someone enjoy that?

Some birthdays take on a special importance. Eighteen, twenty-one and all the subsequent ones that end in a zero.

I was not at all bothered about thirty, forty, fifty or sixty. In two years we’ll see how I feel about seventy.

I got up early today birthday or no. It’s a Monday and for me as a writer a work day. I plugged away at the novel for a few hours then worked out. Post workout I showered, made a smoothie and as a birthday treat the missus made me a bagel with smoked salmon. Yummy.

Now I’m writing again, albeit not working on the novel but keeping my blog going. 

My blog: one of the best-kept secrets on the internet. But I love it just the same. Hey, you’re reading it! Aren’t you?

After posting this I’ll go back to the novel, then I’ll read the New York Times and do the crossword puzzle. After that I’ll do some reading then watch an episode of Breaking Bad. I’m re-watching this, my favorite all-time television drama, in preparation for the final season of Better Call Saul — another show I love. 

Breaking Bad is just as good the second time around. It’s been over eight years since I watched it so there’s a fair amount I don’t remember. Great re-discovering scenes. I also have a greater appreciation for the cast. Particularly Bryan Cranston, but also Aaron Paul. I also think the world of the show’s creator, Vince Gilligan.

Later oldest daughter will come by and we’ll order dinner. (Youngest daughter is in Brooklyn, so can't make it.) As the honored guest I’ll get to wait at home as the missus and child pick it up. Shame it’s still not safe to eat out. Next year.

We’ll also enjoy some gelato for desert. 

Promises to be a good day. So far it has been. Like all my birthdays. I’m a pretty lucky fella, come to think of it.

My Favorite TV Shows of 2020

Ozark

1. Last Week Tonight With John Oliver. For the second year in a row this top's the list. I'll repeat what I wrote last year: "It has won a slew of Emmys and has deserved every one of them. Oliver is a perfect host as he is personable, witty, clever and he keeps his ego in check (he never boasts about the Emmys and he is never self indulgent). LWT always touches upon a few of the bigger stories in the news and then delves deeply into one main issue. Many of the subjects are heavy but Oliver is a master at injecting humor when and wherever appropriate. LWT is educational and hilarious and in my opinion the best thing on television."

2.  Ozark. A recent discovery of mine, Ozark will for me join the pantheon of great TV dramas along with Breaking Bad, The Wire, The Sopranos and the original Twilight Zone. Jason Bateman, Laura Linney and Julia Garner head the cast and all three are superb. Ozark recalls the best in Breaking Bad in it’s constant ability to shock and surprise, it’s masterclass use of suspense and its inventiveness. Of course, we again find ourselves rooting for “good” people who’ve “gone bad” and my goodness it’s odd how relatable the experiences of someone laundering money for a Mexican drug cartel can seem.

3. Schitt’s Creek. I’ve been a fan from the beginning and I’m so happy that in its final season Daniel Levy’s creation has received all the honors and recognition it so richly deserves. In addition to Levy, the cast is topped by his father, the great Eugene Levy and his frequent acting partner Catherine O’Hara -- one of the best comic actresses of all time. SC is hilarious, charming, warm and wise. 

Better Call Saul

4. Better Call Saul. With one season to go it may yet crack my aforementioned Mount Rushmore of TV dramas. It is, of course, a spin-off of Breaking Bad and it long ago emerged from the shadows of that great show and claimed a spot as one of the best offerings on TV. Bob Odenkirk is a revelation as Saul but Rhea Seehorn’s Kim Wexler is one of my favorite TV characters of all time. BCS gets better each season so I’m expecting it’s finale, season six, to be off the charts. All hail Vince Gill.

5. Late Night With Seth Myers. I switched from Stephen Colbert to Seth for my late show viewing over the Summer and only wish I’d made the change much sooner. Seth is extremely bright (a trademark of good comedians) very funny and his show pulls no punches. The “Closer Look” segments often combine biting political commentary with large, loud guffaws. Seth is also an excellent interviewer. He has not one-tenth of the massive ego that burden Colbert and his show.

6. After Life. Ricky Gervais has long been able to make us roar with laughter, often with the outrageous (see his Golden Globe hosting performances). But in After Life, which aired its second season last spring, he also touches the heart  in this story of man dealing with the death of his wife. It’s no mean feat to combine comedy and tragedy and still make us laugh but Gervais pulls it off. Evidently the show has been important to many, many  people dealing with loss and depression.

7. Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Is this the last of the great network TV prime time comedies? I see no others so perhaps it is. Brooklyn is still going strong after seven full seasons, owing to a terrific ensemble cast backed by excellent writers. The show manages to tickle our funny bones and occasionally add a hint of social commentary without ever appearing preachy.

Brockmire

8. Brockmire. This was the final season of Hank Azaria’s shows and paled in comparison to the first three years. Still it was quite good and it’s a shame Brockmire never reached the wider audience it deserved nor garnered the awards it was worthy of. 

9. Perry Mason. This is not your grandmother’s Perry Mason. This is a hard- drinking, brawling, cussing, tortured Mason in an unfiltered LA of the early thirties. The HBO version of Mason is exquisite to look at with impeccable period costuming and set designs. But it’s not all glitz. There are engaging story lines and a wonderful cast led by Matthew Rhys in the title role. I can’t wait for season two.

10. Fargo. This was the fourth iteration of Noah Hawley’s looks at various parts of the midwest in various eras with the emphasis on crimes and the criminals who commit them. This time the setting was Kansas City in 1950 and the focus was on a  war between Italian and African- American gangs, the latter group led by a gangster portrayed by Chris Rock. He provided another example of a comic ably handling a dramatic role. I had issues with some of Hawley’s choices, but the show was always fascinating, rarely predictable and often inventive. He’s four-for-four.

11.World On Fire. A British production from PBS, the WOF covered several stories, many interlocking, from throughout Europe during the days before, the outbreak of and the beginning of World War II. The drama is heavy, as is appropriate for the topic, and even for a student of the era such as myself, it was illuminating. WOF was also exciting and included romance and strong characters, some of whom one heartily roots for. More seasons are forthcoming.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

12. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Racheal Broshnahan is brilliant as the aspiring comic in early sixties America and Alex Borstein as her agent (quirky doesn't begin to do her justice) and Tony Shaloub as her father shine as well. Mrs. Maisel emphasizes the laughs but it is also a look at America in a different time (one in which I was growing up) with a culture on the verge of a sea change.

13. The Great. Among the things I would not have predicted about 2020 is that I would have enjoyed a TV show in which Elle Fanning portrayed Catherine the Great of Russia. Anyway, I did. The Great is…I’m going to say, weird. It is historically accurate at times, it is farcical at others, it is always irreverent and it is occasionally dramatic. The emphasis, I suppose, is on fun and of that there is plenty. The young Ms. Fanning  is the centerpiece of the show and in my mind, at least has established herself as a big star. The supporting players were good too although I struggled with the color blind casting. It was initially confusing to see a Black and Indian descent actors playing Russians and Swedes. I suppose it’s the wave of the future and I’d better get used to it. The show is easy to get used to as it’s a joy.

14. The Last OG. The show took some strong dramatic turns in later episodes of this last season, particularly in the final episode which was downright dark. But it still mostly held to its comic roots and any program led by Tracy Morgan is bound to be good as was The Last O.G.

15. The Plot Against America. HBO’s mini-series telling of the Phillip Roth novel was presented in six parts. It’s deviations from the source material were mostly so that the series could serve as a warning for modern times and I’m okay with that. I was, in fact okay with the series as a whole, though not gaga. Comparing books and films is not only tricky business but often a waste of time because novels are usually inspirations for the films which are not trying to replicate them. PAA was just fine on its own terms.

The Incredible Story of a High School Teacher Who Fell in With a Bad Crowd -- Himself (AKA My Month With Breaking Bad)

Great white arcs. A fist crushing a sad face. The addict desperate and dying but unrelenting. Cold desert morning and men at work. The cough so ugly and hurting and persistent. Always the persistent and the unrelenting. The hardened American man of law obsessed with pursuit and capture but taking time for the poolside barbecue. Morning cereal or pancakes and consumers happy with normality. Craving it. The bored stone faced listening to the lecture. The magic man spinning his web and unknowingly caught in it. Twisted. Always twisted. The death of reason and the rise of the ego and the id and the superman and the victory over compassion. Cerebral Palsy. Cancer. Poison. Retching over toilets and outward appearances and blood everywhere. The innocent killed. As are we all innocent and dead. And you Walter White are in all of us. Heisenberg. Bang!

So the story goes of an American dream.

And so now its over. After watching 62 episodes in 30 days I am left on my own. The greatest TV show binging of my life the hungry consumption of every detail every raised eyebrow every nook every cranny every gunshot every threat every shocking turn of Breaking Bad. The best television drama I've ever seen. For the last two weeks it was twice a day. Sometimes three times. All that time with Walter White. With Jesse. With Hank. With Gus. With the murderous Uncle Jack. With poor Walter Junior who suffered so to see his hero his father exposed as a dirty no good skunk of a drug lord. I was enslaved by Breaking Bad. I was powerless over it. I was mainlining it. Breaking Bad coursing through my veins. I couldn't wait to finish it all. Now I miss it. God how I do.

It took me awhile -- longer then I care to admit -- but I finally figured it out. Walter White was a very very bad man. This is a great part of the genius of Vince Gilligan's Breaking Bad which ended its six year run on the telly last month. We are witness to the devolvement of a human being from an earnest educator and family man diagnosed with cancer to a sadistic megalomaniacal drug boss and killer. It's as fascinating as anything that cinema has put forward and I include The Godfather's Michael Coreleone in the mix. No less a personage than Sir Anthony Hopkins called Bryan Cranston's portrayal of Walter White as the greatest acting performance of all time. Who am I to argue with the likes of Mr. Hopkins?

Walter. He is the one who knocks. But who will protect the family from the one who protects the family?

We can't help but root for Walter from the very beginning. What's so stunning is how long we stay with him and how subtlety he changes from accomplished chemist to evil genius. I remember watching him as he watched Jesse's girlfriend Jane choke on her own vomit after a night of heroin. It made rational sense for him to let her die but it was so callous so morally indefensible that I actually finally thought that this Walter fellow was an abhorrent character. But I stayed with him. Until the end. I often hated the way he treated poor Jesse. Walter was contemptuous and dismissive of his underling from the beginning. He ultimately used and abused him. But the most shocking moment was when Jesse was being led away seemingly to be executed and Walter just had to tell him that he had watched Jane die. Jesse looked back at him in wonder unable to believe that such a cold heart hadn't frozen. And so did we.

Jesse (Aaron Paul) was also a compelling character. Troubled and tortured by inner demons. Falling in love twice with tragic consequences. It seemed he could never find his purchase in life. No wonder he was beaten so often and so brutally. He was a small man a bit of pretty boy playing in a world with brutal criminals and hard-nosed cops. Jesse was everyone's whipping boy. But he was never pathetic. There was something totally redeemable about him. He was after all able to love -- though with tragic consequences -- was good with children and was young and vulnerable and resilient. We admired Walter but we liked Jesse. Liked. He was ultimately unbeatable. The kid could bounce off the canvas.

Was this a show about choices? The choices we make. The old bit about the road not taken? I dunno cause Walter took a lot of roads. Like a lot of great fictional characters he just kept going and his ego let him. Down the rabbit hole. It started out as small time stuff. Cooking meth in an RV to raise cash to fend of creditors with cancer treatment costs ready to mount. Really it was for the family. Hey somebody was going to supply the stuff. Why not Walter a man who could cook it damn near 100% pure. But you know these things have a way of just taking off and there you go. Thousands become millions. As in dollars. Then tens of millions. And when is it enough?  You hire people you have enemies you make deals you're working with people contemptuous of human life you make compromises and you strangle someone and shoot someone else and tell big bold lies and that stuff you make being so good and all that money coming in and you winning all these battles you go quickly from cancer victim to Mr. Invincible. Hell you've beaten the cancer. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. Once you shoot one person it gets kind of easy. Power is as power does and all. You can't see the forrest for the trees when your the fucking forrest.

Skyler. The missus. (Anna Gunn.) She's a strong woman with a healthy independent streak. A damn good mom and devoted wife. You meet her type all the time all over this great land of ours. Salt of the earth and the modern wife/mother who knows and speaks her own mind. Can she believe what her Walt is up to? Can she countenance his means of supporting them? Can she turn a blind eye? Here's the thing: Skyler is not comfortable with any of this wants a divorce she can't get has an affair that she rather enjoys (its revenge you see) and next thing she's laundering money and in on the lie. Expands the lie. Happens.

The poor lady was trapped in an eddy reaching for a tree root. Took to smoking and staring off into space and wondering how the hell....

Ya ever notice in life how some of our choices are no choice at all. Decision points come to as disguised as choices we have to make but there's really no alternative and lord have mercy if that path we're stuck in flies in the face of proper morality law and the like. Poor Skyler. She was the ultimate combo of victim perpetrator.

Life happens fast sometimes. There's no time for contemplation until the deeds are done. The meth is cooked its sold Gus has been blown up others have been paid off or bumped off and we're left to live with the consequences of actions we had barely any time to consider or reconsider.  And one of our gang shoots an innocent kid because he was at the wrong place. At the wrong time. Aren't we all.

In the last episode Walter finally tells Skyler an important truth: he did all for himself. One reason being that he was so good at it. It's hard to keep from displaying our talents. If our skills lie in singing or architecture or teaching this is a good thing. If they are in producing meth and running a drug empire...not so much. But Walter was true to himself. At least give him credit for that.

I watched all 62 episodes of Breaking Bad and enjoyed each one. Not a clunker in the bunch. That falls under the category of AMAZING.

The writers stayed true to the characters and the reality they created never straying too far building from within. There was no supernatural or extended dream sequence or tedious back story or sidebars. It all fit. The characters were fully realized and allowed to develop without detracting from the momentum of the story line. Betsy Brandt as Skyler's sister Marie was dead on as the busy body kleptomaniac wife of DEA agent Hank Schrader (Dean Norris). She seemed like so many people we have known or met in other words so goddamned real. So for that matter was Hank as the obsessed pursuer of Heisenberg -- Walter's non de plume -- and the jolly uncle and brother-in-law. Bob Odenkirk's Saul Goodman flirts with going over the top but because he doesn't is a masterfully colorful and interesting character who contrasts nicely with the uber serious personas of Walter and Jesse.

Walter and Jesse. There's a relationship worth studying. Father figure much? Son or student? Their's is the ultimate love hate relationship. A stunning fist fight. An awkward hug. Guns to the head. Business partners. The complexity of their reliance on one another and their coldness to one another and their constant battling is particularly compelling theater. What were they to each other?

More. Gus (Giancarlo Esposito) the wealthy philanthropist businessman who is really head of a drug cartel. Now there's a character and a story and an acting performance and a creepy depth and soul and an oh he got his just reward. Jonathan Banks as Mike is first his and then Walter's right hand man. Chews nails for breakfast this one. Streetwise and tough and a devoted granddad. He has Walter sussed out from early on. Trouble he sees and trouble het gets. And Laura Fraser as Lydia the uptight little business woman in heels adding the illegal meth business to her lengthy agenda. She is so vulnerable and fragile and yet not unwilling to order hits on a dozen men. Lydia seems more in the self preservation business than anything else.

Breaking Bad. One month. Binge watching. Consumed me as I devoured it. For many it was spread out over five years and nine months. I can't imagine a week let alone a month long wait between episodes. I hated waiting 24 hours. Now I'll wait a lifetime for  TV that's as good. What a ride.

(This post is dedicated to youngest daughter my fellow Breaking Bad lover. Even though she says I can't get the Heisenberg hat.)

What the Young People Call "Random" Stuff; Breaking Bad Binging; And A Not So Great Gatsby

THIS IS THE PART WITH THE RANDOM STUFF

If necessity is the mother of invention who is the father? And if we don't know who the father is then is it not true that necessity is a harlot? And can it be further stated that invention is a bastard? Asking for a friend.

I am -- generally speaking -- a very happy person. When my head collides with the pillow at night it is usually the end of another fruitful enjoyable day. But there are any number of things that annoy the hell out of me. Take for example the phrase "no worries." Every time someone says this to me its like being stabbed in the thigh by a serrated knife. I'm not even exaggerating. It is exactly and literally the same as knife plunging into the meaty part of my leg. And being twisted. Really no different at all. The other day I nearly bumped into a co worker and offered an "excuse me." She answered with the odious "no worries." Ya know what? I wasn't worried at all. I don't think anyone was or should have been. Once someone emailed to ask if I had a particular DVD they could borrow. I replied that I was sorry but I didn't have it. This person took the time to compose the following email which I quote verbatim: "no worries." I wasn't not at time worried in the slightest that I did not have this particular DVD for them to borrow. Not even a little bit. If someone you know is saying no worries please report them to a mental health professional or apply duct tape to their largest visible orifice.

If a white person jokingly said to you the following: "if I were black I'd totally name my son Rastus just to fuck with people," would you accuse the speaker of being a racist? Culturally insensitive? A nitwit? Me I'd chuckle maybe even guffaw but then I'm somewhat of a nitwit. Just ask my wife.

Back to things that bug me. There is no s at the end of the word anyway. I've said this before but obviously it bears repeating. When you say or write anyways you seem like a functionally illiterate teenager high on bad pot. Allow me to refer you to the Urban Dictionary on this one.

A message to people having loud cell phone conversations on public transportation or in stores: WE CAN HEAR YOU! Furthermore we really don't want to hear you and quite often you're saying things that you probably don't want other people to hear if you think about it. Oh yeah I forgot you don't bother with niceties like thinking.

THIS IS THE PART CALLED BREAKING BAD BINGING

I know from addiction and so I know when I'm hooked and can't control myself. With drugs and alcohol its not an option any longer so I've taken recommended measures. Other forms of addiction are less likely to have devastating effects on one's family or bank account or health. So maybe not so bad. Case in point is my recently acquired addiction to Breaking Bad which I only recently discovered for myself. Two and half weeks ago to be kind of precise. It started with watching an episode a day but now I'm up to two sometimes three. But I can totally handle it.

Suffice to say that I find this show (they used to be called programs as in "there's this program I like to watch" dig) to be quite enjoyable. The thing with TV shows is that you can really tell a story. You don't have 90 minutes or two hours or three hours tops like in a film. You can go on for years which can total 40 plus hours. That's not to guarantee quality. As we've seen countless times most of what shows up on the boob tube is rubbish -- which I realize is harsh on rubbish. But every now and again you get something like The Sopranos or Boardwalk Empire or Band of Brothers or Breaking Bad which is right up there among the top four or five programs I've seen on the small screen. I'll  discuss the show at greater length once I finish which at this rate is likely to be in less than a fortnight (for those of you scoring at home I'm currently on season four and just finished episode four of said season). I will now put in a plug for binge watching. (Writer humorously mimes insertion of plug.) With old fashioned viewing it would have taken five years to watch the total series but I'll be doing it in just over a month. I don't have to wait a week for the next episode or in the case of a season finale months. It's great for continuity and one could even argue this is the way episodic TV should be watched. Story lines and characters are fresh in my mind and connections made more easily. I'm digging it. And I can quit anytime (no I couldn't there's no way I could stop.)

THIS IS THE PART CALLED A NOT SO GREAT GATSBY

Watched Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby last night for the first and last time. I'll forever think of it as Who Framed Roger Rabbit meets F Scott Fitzgerald. Hearing Jay Z and other current performers as the soundtrack for this film set in 1922 I had to wonder why Lurhman didn't just give his characters cell phones. Nick Jay and Daisy could have texted each other and checked one another's Facebook status.

Here was a Gatsby told at a frenetic pace -- no it never lagged would that it had -- and replete with CGI.  The colors the scenery resembled something from a sci fi action movie. Here's the horror of the modern film which in total contrast to works of art like those produced by Antonioni and Bergman allows no space for the viewer to contemplate or ruminate. We are overawed with spectacle with nothing being asked of us. This is cinema for a generation too zonked out on video games and texting to bother with ideas.

The actors were all fine -- Leo DiCaprio Carey Mulligan Toby Maguire Joel Edgerton (an excellent choice for Tom) and Elizabeth Debicki (yum). They gamely read their lines and demonstrated a true commitment to Fitzgerald's story. But Luhrmann is nothing if not a big show off. I really don't understand the point of this exercise. Taking one of the great works of American literature and making a spectacle out of it. One shudders to think what Lurhmann will desecrate next. Maybe he'll put Ulysses* on the big screen with Justin Beiber doing the soundtrack and a highly stylized Dublin with merry leprechauns cartwheeling past a bemused Leopold Bloom.

Shocking stuff.

*Carraway's cottage boasts a copy of Ulysses though the film is set in 1922 and the book was at that time banned in the US and not available until 1933. Oh well.

Thoughts at the End of a Saturday That are Posted at the Beginning of a Sunday

I saw pictures today. Of people who I hadn't seen in years. The pictures were taken today and posted on the internet. The people are older and looked it for the most part. They are not the same as I remember them. I have googled ex girlfriends and have been shocked to see that they are older looking now then when I knew them literally decades ago. I am sometimes quite stupid.

We drove youngest daughter to college today. UC Davis is about 80 miles from here. I'm proud of my baby but miss her already. She called and said its weird to be in her new home. She was lonely and having to get used to new surroundings. She'll be fine. So will I. We'll all be fine. One way or the other. There's no choice but to eventually be fine. You at least have to look at it that way. If you don't what are you left with? Sadness I guess. Screw that.

I'm so excited. I'm quite late to the party but I've started watching Breaking Bad. Yeah I know. Just before the series ends. I've watched the first six episodes in four days. I'm loving it and look forward to another month or so of watching and enjoying until I catch up with everyone else who has watched and enjoyed. Aforementioned youngest daughter among them. Maybe I'll write about the show sometime. Maybe not. Can't say.

We got some rain today. Needed it. I like rain. Some people don't. I guess they like deserts. I guess they don't mind droughts. I guess water is offensive to them. I guess I'll never understand people who don't like rain. Seems silly to me. When rain ends the air is cleaner and smells nice and grass and plants are greener and the water supply is replenished. Plus when the rain is coming down it makes a pretty sound.

Approximately 82 people a day are killed by gunfire in the US. And yet people worry about terrorism. Are willing to yield civil liberties to feel safe from terrorism. But trying to keep guns out of the hands of people with mental problems is seen as a threat to our constitutional rights. People can be such idiots. They really can.

I complain about people a lot but I have met many who I like and a few I love. People can be pretty cool. There are many in entertainment sports literature and the like who have provided a lot of entertainment for us all. There are also people who have invented or fine tuned things to make life more comfortable and enjoyable. There have been political and philosophical leaders who have improved the lot of people in general. And there have been people in medicine and science who've developed cures and treatments for ailments. But there are also people who are just really nice. People who are not famous or considered important but contribute to our planet and are fun or interesting to talk to. I like them.

I'm reading John Updike right now. There is a certain conventionality about his writing as there is with many Ivy League educated authors. It's like they're insiders. Quite different are the outsiders like Kerouac and Pynchon and to go back even further Joyce. There's nothing particularly wrong or right with either style. It's like different genres. The main function of a novel should be to tell a story. To tell it well. To create interesting characters. To allow the reader to find ideas and thus be able to think. I don't like writers to be preachy or obvious. I want them to tell stories in a way that allows me to find meaning. Same with film directors. Let us figure it out. Otherwise you're just producing a political pamphlet. And who needs that. Am I right?

Bill Moyers did a long interview with Robert Reich this week in which the central topic was income inequality. It's growing like mad in the U.S. The richest 440 people in this country have more money than the bottom 150 million. This is why I'm a socialist. But Reich was actually optimistic that there would be a change like with the Progressive Era and the New Deal. Hope he's right.

I'm teaching my students (ESL international school students from all over the world) prepositions. Do you have any idea how hard it is for them to get when to put prepositions and when not to and where and which ones. There's so damn many of them. By for to at in on under between across from. Etc. It's okay. They just have to be patient with themselves. That can be difficult. I constantly have to tell students to relax that they're not going to be fluent over night. Or over week. That's not a thing is it? I mean over week. Could be though.

I should go to bed. I'm going to test my recently injured achilles tendon (just a strain I think) with a good long run tomorrow. Or not. If it acts up its back to the stationary bike. I love to run. Cleans out my brain. Enriches my soul. And the endorphin high. Killer diller. Tomorrow -- which it already actually is -- should be okay. Will be. Today -- which is now tomorrow -- was okay. I'll take it.