23 September 2009

Careers I Considered and the Reasons That I Didn't Pursue Them

Eighteen months ago I left my position as a full time middle school teacher (I know, who even tries to teach those kids, right?) to pursue something that didn't involve a room full of lunatics (no, I'm not referring to a faculty meeting). Before deciding on teaching ESL, I considered a vast number of other careers. Below is a list of some of those careers I considered and across from each is the reason I decided against it. I hope this will prove instructive to anyone out there looking to change careers.

Wet Nurse - Am wrong gender.
Philanthropist - Must supply own money.
Town Crier - Thought it was just a matter of sobbing a lot.
Pope - Am not Catholic.
Socialite - Must be social.
Handyman - Not particularly handy.
Taxidermist - Turns out it has nothing to do with taxis.
Francophile - It's the love of French culture not a paid profession.
Shipping magnate - Must supply own ships.
Gruppenfuhrer - Neither German nor a Nazi.
Typewriter salesman - Business is surprisingly slow.
Serf - The pay is awful.
Masseur for Padma Lashmi (pictured above) - She has a restraining order against me.
Musketeer - Don't own a musket.
Iceman - People tend to use refrigerators these days.
Soda jerk - My experience being a jerk not applicable.
Groom of the stool - Not as glamorous as it sounds . See link.
Fox News Commentator -Disqualified due to functioning brain.
Catapult operator - Actually still considering this one. Would be fun to hurl huge boulders against and inside castle walls.


Christopher55 said...

LOL. Had no idea what a Groom of the Stool was.

Andrew K. said...

This is very funny. Whom do you teach ESL...okay foot in mouth. Where do you teach?

Richard Hourula said...

Don't yet, am studying to. Hope to do it in Europe.

Unknown said...

eww, eww, eww -- I never knew what a Groom of the Stool was (and how on earth did anyone ever think to invent such a position?!)

ps. you are hilarious!

Scott said...

If my plan to take over the Papacy succeeds you won't need to be a Catholic to become Pope anymore. I plan on calling myself Pope Dragonslayer the Immortal. You can be one of my Cardinals if you want.

Richard Hourula said...

As long as I don't have to go to church, I'm in. Thanks.