Amazon Reviewers Take on Great Books

Ms. Monore was not one of the reviewers.

Previously on this blog, I have shared one star reviews of great films by IMDb and Amazon users. Today I turn my attention to literature. I present thumbs way down capsule critiques of beloved books (all beloved by yours truly). In any case, I got a chuckle out of some of these. I especially liked the following: "I didn't care what happened to the boys and scanned ahead for a spot of emotion. Instead I found more and more words." Imagine a book with more and more words in it! I also thrilled at the conservative reviewer who blasted On the Road because it featured "Amoral grifters traversing the country essentially glorifying the seven deadly sins." I  was further beguiled by the reviewer who said, "Steinbeck has as much command of adjective as a fifth grader." Hilarious. But no more spoilers, read on. 

Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. I realize that I am late coming to the ‘Handmaid’ party. It has been my intention to read it for some long time, but for some reason that I don’t fully understand, I was intimidated by the gravity of the book. I really wanted to be impressed, but Atwood’s view of a dark dystopian society left me depressed, confused and ultimately bored.I confess, I couldn’t finish the book. I couldn’t force myself to endure more than 115 pages peppered with complete and unnecessary gibberish. ‘If I have an egg, what more can I want?’ There are tons of this fluff. Atwood’s view of the future, and I assume that’s what I think we must consider that she intends, is poppycock. A nightmare with no beginning, middle or end. If this is what is in store for us, count me out.I was interested in a storyline or two along the way, but the author refused to develop them, instead droning on and on about meaningless details in the heroine’s life, or existence. I couldn’t go any further. My mind kept drifting to all the really entertaining stories out there, waiting to be read and enjoyed. Why was I wasting precious time reading tripe? 

Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. What an utterly terrible novel. Racist, sexist, poorly written, and absolute trash moralism. Steinbeck has as much command of adjective as a fifth grader, and his understanding of the subject this book focuses on, labor economics, is about that of a fourth grader. In this book, you can learn that murder is OK so long as "they deserved it" or if the victims are Native American. Learn all about the struggles of birth and the ineptitude of women told by a man who, while writing this book edited by his wife, was having an affair with a younger woman. Steinbeck makes out to be the Whitman of novels with none of the beautiful subtlety or flowing grandeur. In all fairness, I should have heeded the warning in the forward that the movie was better than the book, my first warning sign. A book written for the sadistic voyeurism of the middle class to fulfill thier need of charitable superiority over the struggles of an entirely skilless, uneducated class of people. But no, the issue isn't thier lack of skills, but the rich people who exploit them - at least one point in which the middle class can find empathy without taking any personal responsibility for the governments they create that allow for unregulated farming industries.

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Nope. I am an avid reader and I was curious what all the hype was about on this book. It’s a classic and won awards. How is that even possible? Most boring book I’ve read in a long time. I had to stop half way through and never went back.

On the Road by Jack Kerouac. Thought this would be helpful in understanding the liberal progressive mind...sadly it was.

I really don’t know how many kindle books I have read...scores. This was the only one I couldn’t finish. Given the level of political discourse, I thought reading what has been hailed as the seminal author of the bohemian counterculture generation would provide insight as to why they perceive the world as they do.

Apparently, many progressives identify with the characters in the book. Amoral grifters traversing the country essentially glorifying the seven deadly sins.

Save your money and read some Hemingway.

The Lottery and Other Stories by Shirley Jackson. Terrifyingly boring :( The amazon description of the book begins with these words, "One of the most terrifying stories of the twentieth century". SAY WHAT???? I have ready many, many "terrifying" books and this was just weird. My son was given the choice of this book or a book on Mythology for high school summer reading. I usually read what my kids are reading so that I can discuss it with them. We both agreed that we should have opted for the mythology book! These short stories don't really even seem to have an end. They just stop.

I have nothing against older literature, but I would find Frankenstein or Dracula to be more "terrifying" that this.

Tender is the Night by F Scott Fitzgerald. It was boring and I just finished two chapter.I couldn't relate to any of the characters because they were all self centered and without any real character traits.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggars. No doubt the Eggers has a gift of words, great and vast and high and wide, but following his wordy descriptions of setting up house for his little brother in CA tired me out. Finally I didn't care what happened to the boys and scanned ahead for a spot of emotion. Instead I found more and more words. That's when I folded the cover for good.

I am left thinking about the poor mother. To die with a son whose most vividly recalled and described detail is her green spit in towels and then containers unnerved me. Eggers seemed to have no heart. Only a surfeit of words about green spit. Pounding and pounding.

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens. Dickens often went on long tangents, that I wasn't sure if necessary to the plot (wouldn't know since I didn't finish the book). Several other people in my book group also did not finish the book. Maybe it was a classic back in it's day, but there are MUCH better books to read today.

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. I just couldn't get into it. The sentences, paragraphs, passages... all just SO incredibly long. Theres a fine line between descriptive and excessive. This book is the latter. Everything just went on and on. Sentences so run-on they need track shoes.

So I sat there, my mind designing this foster of a thought while I laid comfortably on the grey, semi-soft couch I bought once on sale on a Tuesday evening at a Rooms-to-Go, realizing that my life had taken a turn for, quite possibly, the worst, and wondering if I would ever reach the long-crying light at the end of the tunnel that is this pretentious book.

See- that was MISERABLE to read. Don't do that. I'm sorry I did that. You've actually got to get to the point sometimes. Plus, I got halfway through and I felt as if nothing happened. I understand that this is a "realistic" book and may even be an eye-opener for some, but I just found the story profoundly boring, or dare I say it, lame. She could have composed a much more compelling story with such an interesting background and plot. After all, it is the plot that attracted us all in the first place, isn't it? I'm sorry to say that this book is overrated and like I said, pretentious.

Go Tell in on the Mountain by James Baldwin. James Baldwin's books are depressing but this is the worst of ALL of them. This book is filled with sexist psychotic religious crap. Religion is the root of all that is evil in the world. Because as described in this morbid book it has been used to brain-wash black people who in turn used it to terrorize their children! Religion is guaranteed job security for psychiatrists and psycologists!

Look Homeward, Angel by Thomas Wolfe. Verbose disjointed ramblings of a troubled mind.

The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead. I waited months to review this book hoping time passed would temper my comments. Well time has passed and here is my review. I was really looking forward to reading this book but it ended up being a major disappointment and left me feeling the author only wanted to keep stirring the pot of racism. Basically, the entire content of the book, hard as it was to follow, was based on how awful ALL white people were towards blacks in the 60's. I didn't even want to finish the book but I did because I felt surely there would be one white character in the entire book that would be portrayed as a decent human being. Well there wasn't. Even though it was supposed to be fiction it was also supposed to be based on a real reform school back in the 60's. In my opinion, tying the story of this book to anything real was socially irresponsible. If you were not alive in the 60's, (like the author,) after reading this book you would may actually believe that all whites back then were deplorable, despicable and vile human beings. As a child myself of the 60's in the south, the portrayal of all whites in this book is truly biased and fictional. Was their racism in the 60's? Absolutely Were all whites racist? Absolutely not. If you read this book and believe any of it, you will be ashamed to be white.

Amazon Reviewers Trash Great Films

Nomadland

It's time for another edition of Amazon reviewers say the darnedest things. I have again copy and pasted one-star reviews from Amazon customers for critically claimed, mostly beloved, films (all are beloved by yours truly). Again I looked at A LOT of reviews before selecting my "favorites." I notice that people who give bad reviews to good films are often grammatically-challenged and not keen on spelling. There's also a disproportionate percentage of bad reviews that come from conservatives -- people not generally known for sophisticated taste. Enjoy!

Nomadland

It was boring, a boring story of boring people doing boring things for no apparent (or implicit) reasons. It looked and felt like a boring documentary. Deadpan, all of it, including Frances McDormand who portrays the emotion-less woman she always plays. The book from which it was adapted was non-fiction as the movie was apparently supposed to copy. I can see no reason to watch the movie. If you want a non-fiction boring story of boring people doing boring things for no apparent (or implicit) reason, you might read the book. I haven't.

Goodfellas

These mafia stories always tell the same story about fellas, food and killing. Every scene the same crap.

Chinatown

Crap. Too slow movie. No subject.

La Dolce Vita

I understand that some movies are "classics," but that doesn't necessarily make them good. There were no likable characters in this film, no one to relate to, no story or plot, it's just following this womanizing guy in a downward spiral who goes around town in this nonsensical fashion meeting all these strange people that you never see again. It doesn't make any sense. I guess it's supposed to be ironic--that what people think would be "The Sweet Life" is anything but, but I didn't need 3 hours of terribleness to portray that irony.

Persona

Persona

I hate this movie. I hate it. I love artful movies and metaphor but this film is just made to piss you off. And it super pissed me off. So congrats Ingmar. Mission accomplished. I'm pissed. Also be forewarned, there are disturbing images at the opening of the film. Really disturbing. Still pissed. Watch Tarkovsky instead.

Shampoo

Spoilers at the end of my review. I read other reviews wondering what I missed here. It's just Warren Beatty pacing, fluffing hair, pacing, riding a motorcycle, pacing, and getting laid. I came here for director Hal Ashby's realism, humor, and buck-against-the-system philosophy. The plot was so directionless, but maybe that was Ashby's point, that this hairstylist has no direction in his life. Warren Beatty is hairstylist George, a character so mediocre in his basic male drive for sex with beautiful women. Goldie Hawn as his flighty girlfriend was about as interesting as a bobby pin with her basic female need to marry. So what's the story? Men and women want different things out of life? I don't need to watch 2 hours of Beatty wandering here and there to know that. The best scene was Jack Warden, playing a stiff, gruff millionaire who collects politicians, wandering drunkenly through a hippy house party, smoking a joint and then stripping to get into a hot tub with a young naked couple. His why not join them epiphany was hilarious. Later he finds out the couple he's admiring having great sex is Beatty banging Jack Warden's mistress. Disillusioned, he wanders off. It was the most poignant moment in the movie. I felt bad for the guy. Out of all the characters paraded through Shampoo, Jack Warden is the only one who has any humanity to him. Whether it was written that way or Jack Warden just stole every scene he was in due to his great acting chops, I don't know! Beatty ends up in a chase scene at the end that you feel he's going to kill himself on that motorcycle madly pursuing this mistress. In the end, Beatty is just a pretty player with no prospects, Goldie Hawn dumps Beatty and finds true love in a successful man who treats her right, and the mistress rejects Beatty's impulsive marriage proposal for the gruff millionaire. I think maybe Hal Ashby delivered exactly what he meant to, but man, 2 hours to realize George is an aimless loser was just asking too much.

Apocalypse Now

This movie is out there I think the writers and producers where tripping on acid this movie is one of the top 5 worst movies I’ve ever seen

Wings of Desire

First of all, this film is rated PG-13, and I've only survived 53 minutes of it and so far there is nudity (bare breast) and scenes of dead bodies, including children. I unfortunately have to finish watching this for a university class but I'd rather slam my finger in a door.

City Lights

I thought the music was very well put together for that time . is very creative very funny. It is an insult to blind people several flaws in the movie several misconceptions but you know it is a movie and that’s what people say but they don’t realize hell other people take movies that are just movies and not real life and then people get them all mixed up and then take that perception

Red River

We've outgrown this foolishness.

A Streetcar Named Desire

did not like the movie.it was depressing and really boring.

a waste of money..the aching was horfible ,carl mouldens nose took the crnter stage, and the street cars

character portrayed illiterate white trash

The Great Escape

The Great Escape

This movie is pure propaganda for "The Good War," in which anglophone racial-Europeans worldwide turned on their German brothers to take sides instead with an ancient arch-enemy who hates them, thus condemning themselves, all of their descendants, and all remaining native Europeans in toto to the cultural, spiritual, and racial negation & annihilation we're witnessing today. No thanks, not interested.

The Seven Samurai

I bought this movie because it appears towards the top of many 'best 100 movies' lists. But whereas many other classics have transcended the era of their creation, this one did not. In fact I cannot fathom how it ever survived beyond the date of its release. It's only distinguishing characteristics are its length and puerile storyline. I watched and waited for the moment when it would blossom. I waited in vain. Trite rubbish which owes its rating to cult following.

No Country For Old Men

I cannot for the life of me understand why this horrible movie got so many awards. So what if the acting is good because the plot is as thin as it gets and very cliche. It's almost as if the Coen brothers just wanted to show a new method of killing and built this psychopath and a next-to-nothing storyline around that weapon. This is the second time I watched it. At least I started to. I thought, well maybe I will get something out of it this time around. Nope. About thirty minutes in it's a waste of my time. Senseless, gratuitous violence at every turn. Not any suspense either. You always know what's coming. Boring and awful.

Clouds of Sils Maria

Absolutely, without a doubt, THE MOST meaningless movie, EVER!

Simply about "moving on"... About getting old and pushed over for the new.

I wanted to break my TV!!

It Happened One Night

Awful. Watched about half of it and couldn't stand it any more. All I remember was a spoiled rich girl and a goofy guy riding in the back of a bus. First they're on the bus. Then they're off the bus. Then they're on the bus again. Then rich girl gets her ugly purse stolen. Then they're back on the bus again. I was starting to get car sick. Around about this time I opened another bottle of wine and noticed the neighbors were having a party, so I took the rest of my wine across the street.

Milk

Done as a tribute to the late San Francisco public servant, Harvey Milk, it is not accurate but is designed to cause the viewer to feel sorry for Milk and his sexual opinions. I have worked as a local public servant-upper manager in a couple locations for over 12 years and can tell you that if I had dared to promote any sexual cause, I would have been fired after one warning. The fact Milk promoted a medically proven unhealthy and risky lifestyle relentlessly, demonstrates liberal hypocrisy at that time-place. Sean Penn has been an 'A' list actor making almost anything he is in gripping and fascinating. He is the only reason the film gets one star. A film about standing up for behavior you believe in is fine ... unless what that behavior has been known to be immoral by virtually every society and religion. As the saying goes, sometimes Bad is BAD! The movie ignores that Milk was friends with and gave endorsements to psycho cult leader Jim Jones who murdered over 900 people at Jonestown. Another close friend of Milk's, Gerard Dols, nowadays laments the behavior of Milk and his obsession with gay agendas. Google his testimony. Milk accomplished next to nothing for mainstream voters in California. Instead he spent his career selfishly pushing his sexual agenda. He was not murdered for being gay, but got in the way of a mentally ill ex-employee, yet the homosexual community looks for every opportunity for self-promoting themselves. You don't glorify someone for their sex practices and how proud they are of them. The movies acceptance and promotion of the dangerous homosexual lifestyle which has already cost Americans billions in health care for various diseases-treatments-experiments. Truly honorable men have intelligence, and are positive role models. Harvey Milk and this film spins dangerous decisions into good. The flick is fairly boring too. Be careful not to rent it by mistake.

Get Out

Get Out

The most obnoxious and annoying cast I can ever remember seeing in a movie. The main character is the only saving grace. It's so absurd and unbelievable I almost stopped watching it. Aside from the cringe-worthy cast, the story line is just race-baiting garbage, which is of course why it had such an amazingly high score on Rotten Tomatoes. Of course, I know never to take their recommendation, but I dropped a ball here, and ended wasting almost 2 hours of my life. It’s clearly aimed at manifesting ‘white guilt’ in the subconscious whoever sees it, and deliberately deepening racial divides in our youth. These, as far as I can see, are the only reasons it’s being so overly hyped and praised. They want white folk to watch this and actually feel guilty. They want black folk to watch it and feel persecuted. Don’t fall for it.

Cabaret

Meant for slower times years ago. ZZZZ

Nashville

A long, boring self-referential, self-indulgent, condescending crap on the brains of Americans -- and on the Kennedy Brothers -- by the pseudo-human Mutant Hollywood Turtle Insiders.

Inglourious Basterds

I'm losing IQ points trying to "get" the reason why anyone would want to make this movie. Gratuitous graphic violence? and demeaning to women??..."you two girls go inside while Daddy talks to the bad man" "I'm a man and everyone knows I am smarter than any bitch so I don't have to shoot her in the back running away.". "I'm a man in charge of a bunch of men who scalp people and that makes me smarter than any woman in France". "My deep southern accent must make me sound the dumbest cluck in the coop". Thus demeaning any southerner because they have a distinct accent...Too bad the leader wasn't from Brooklyn. Then he would ahve been thought of as much smarter. YES Rebecca I understand satire...this is just a BAD movie IMHO

Part Two of It Stinks, Sucks and It Ain't No Good (And it's Commie Propaganda): Amazon Reviews of Great Films

The Last Picture Show

On Friday I posted part one of this look at some of the reviews people have given beloved films on Amazon. As I noted then, this used to be a feature of this blog but with comments from Internet Movie Database users (comments have been disabled on IMDb and no one misses them). In scouring through these reviews, I've noticed how many of them are from politically and socially conservative people who rail about communist influence in Hollywood as well as leftist propaganda, progressivism and other perceived evils. A lot of negative reviews complain about foul language, sex and young people not being respectful of their elders. I also note how often reviewers simply dismiss movies as boring and how often they complain --evidently lacking anything substantive to say --  about bad acting (even in cases, such as On the Waterfront, in which the lead actors won Oscars.) Without further ado, here's part two,"enjoy."

The Last Picture Show

I love Cysbil Sherdard but I only watched the beginning when the nudity came on I turned it off & pitched it.

Note: I believe it's spelled Cybil Shepard, but you do you.

Mean Girls

Message - girls are trashy and nasty creatures. The whole movie is spent demeaning decency and promotes degeneracy. Keep your daughters away. Keep you sons away too. Message to them is girls are good only for sex.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

I am terrified that so many people like this movie? My teenage child and I watched this film on another platform, based on reviews given by the community, a big mistake. I would never raise my child to be such an egocentric jerk, who gets around life by screwing everybody else over. What kind of values is this movie teaching to our youngsters?

He gets away with everything, is this real life? Maybe for an upper-middle-class teenager selfish, good for nothing kid like Ferris. Please stop giving good reviews to garbage like this one. Our kids deserve better, our society deserves better, more values, less garbage.

Note: I love that the reviewer asks if she is terrified that so many people like this movie? I guess she couldn't decide.

Duck Soup

When I began the movie an NRA add popped up on the screen. Please refund my order. This is an invasion of my rights to watch a movie that states that it is solely a movie of the Marx Brothers and not a vehicle for right wing propaganda. Again, refund my order.

Note: The NRA promotion at the beginning of this film from 1933 is for the National Recovery Administration which: "supervised fair trade codes and guaranteed laborers a right to collective bargaining. The National Industrial Recovery Act (NIRA) was enacted by Congress in June 1933 and was one of the measures by which President Franklin D. Roosevelt sought to assist the nation's recovery."

Platoon

Platoon

You gotta be kidding me, this is considered a good movie? Seriously. Pathetic dialog, crap acting, stupid melodrama, cheap film methods, laughable use of music in the so-called soundtrack, and then there's Sheen's "narrative" and his letters to "grandma". I mean, this movie is a freakin' joke. I appreciate good war movies, and have seen most of them. This one is a disgrace and an insult to the genre.

And then there's the disgusting anti-American "politics" of the film, portraying the majority of the soldiers as either mindless idiots or violent, inhumane pigs. You'd think it was a James Cameron film, it's so full of hate of this country.

This film absolutely disgusts me on every level, artistic and otherwise. Garbage.

All Quiet on the Western Front

What else make this movie even funnier, the hype of course. This movie was soooo awful, you will laugh your a** off!

The acting is so fake. The funniest part whenever anyone whines in it. I really don't know why all the critics think this is the best war movie of all-time, they must been stone while watching this worthless trash. I can't imagine anyone enjoying this film the same way as Gone With The Wind and The Godfather.

Note: "They must been stone while watching." Hilarious.

The Big Lebowski

I love Jeff Bridges and my brother LOVES this movie, but it wasn't for me. Too low class. I guess it was supposed to be funny, but it was a lot of swearing, drugs, drinking, low class type things.

Milk

Call me names, I don't care! Perversion is perversion and has no place in public! Anything that glorifies a deviant form of behaviour is no good!

Note: Okay, I'll call you a name: homophobe.

Moonlight

I couldn't sit through this ghetto movie which is filled with filthy language, nudity, raw sex and the list goes on. I know that there is an audience for this type of "entertainment" and that Hollywood celebrated it with the Oscar. A sad commentary on what our society now calls "acceptable entertainment". It used to be called pornography.

Note: So I'm guessing you'll not be donating to Black Lives Matter.

Carol

Carol

Droll, dull and uninteresting. I couldn't care less about any of the characters except for maybe the ex husband. people spoke of it as tintillating. not. go rent an asian lesbian porn movie if that's what you're looking for. Kept waiting for it to get good. Didn't happen.

Note: "an asian lesbian porn movie" Wish you'd expanded on that.

Reds

But capitalism without morality is also evil. --JP2

I recognize the perfect form of government does not exist...yet still...

I'm really worried about the amount of effusive praise for this movie...McCarthy was right after all? Hollywood is full of commie subversives eager to romanticize the crap out of the miserable Russian revolution and glorify the rise to power of one of the most murderous, inhumane forms of government, communism, to ever see the light of day. "Oh, but what about the acting?...the 'Epic" sweep of history...the idealism of Reid...etc..." Are you guys nuts? There are currently 3 major communist regimes left standing as of 2016: China, Cuba, and North Korea. Note Russia's no longer part of that club boys and girls. Oh the sweet irony....A better review of this movie would be for all the 5 star reviewers to have to spend some time living in aforementioned still communist paradises...and then report back how awesome it was.

Harold and Maude

I had a longer review here previously describing in detail why this movie is the stuff of sewers, but what's the point? Watch it, love it, imagine yourself as free and wild as wacky red-headed grandma, put on an ugly dress and go down the drum circle and sing your little heart out. Just don't do it near my place cuz I'll throw birdseed in your hair.

Quirky is a disease of the deranged mind.

Note: Of course I find this review ridiculous, but I love that last line.

MASH

I always enjoyed the weekly television series MASH, so I was quite shocked to discover that the movie version of MASH is a piece of garbage, which is where my copy ended up. My first shock was to discover that the catchy little tune they play at the beginning of every show is actually a song about suicide being painless. Next, one of the characters is mocked for praying. The worst scene is where they mock the Last Supper during a fake suicide. Enough said!

Three Days of the Condor

This is not a movie, it's the earliest example of a far left propaganda film I can remember. Watching again, for the first time in 38 years, I realize now just how far back the "War for Oil" BS lies go and understand better why the Anti-American American has become so prevalent in our society. Leftist elitists love this genre and will continue making these Marxist propaganda films to "re-educate" Americans. Why? Because it works. Question: How can one get Americans ready and willing to give up their rights? By making them believe we are the worst country in history, of course.

It's simple folks. When they keep making these propaganda films (Ala Dr. Goebbels) telling the entire world "America will do anything, tell any lie, kill anyone, START A WAR, for it's own greedy benefit!!!" and you do so for DECADES, how can the entire world NOT come to believe the lie?

LOL... Do YOU believe the lie? Sadly, I know at least half of you do.

Note: The line "Marxist propaganda films" really cracked me up as well as "Anti-American American." Conservatives are clearly still steeped in McCarthyism -- they'd welcome Joe back in heartbeat. 

Taxi Driver

Taxi Driver 

There is no plot and there is no resolution because there is nothing to resolve. The main character is insane an accomplishes nothing. 12 year old prostitutes. They don't do that any more not because Hollywood got moral but because you can sell more tickets if its PG13.

Call Me By Your Name

Recommended to me by my wife’s cousin as her “all time favorite movie." This was, without a doubt, the most pointless movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a typical “artsy foreign film” with no real substance. Super aggressively awkward and sexual. Dumb

Note: Is "artsy foreign film" a genre?

First Reformed

I got into the movie about an hour and noticed so distorted from realities I that I quit. The messages I received from the movie are square on with the 1960 Communist goals listed in the book the "The Naked Communist". Here are the strategies employed in this movie:

- Hollow out churches into social institutions (so they wont stand in the way of a takeover as they stand for human rights given by God)

- Cause people to embrace atheist mindset (the whole movie shows hallow out Christianity but not real Christianity)

- Show that the country is no better than others

- Make the business people look evil because they are the oppressors on the oppressed (to drive people to want to do away with capitalism for a life "free of oppression" only to find themselves oppressed even worse than capitalism

It would not surprise me to find out that the writer is part of a socialist party which is really a front for Communism (Lenin said the purpose of Socialism to bring about Communism)

Note: Amazing the degree to which Americans are still afraid of Communism. I thought we'd moved on the jihadists as the latest bogeyman.

My Man Godfrey

Beatniks love this sort of film. For me, the dialogue, social situations, and humor are so archaic, that it is hard to relate or laugh about them. The female actors' voices are as annoying as a pet shop full of squeaking birds. The film makes me wish I had an extra hand so I could give it three thumbs down.

Note: Beatniks? Was this written in 1959?

It Stinks, Sucks and It Ain't No Good: Amazon Reviews of Great Films

Citizen Kane

In the good old days before Trumpy and the pandemic, I occasionally, on this blog, posted comments from Internet Movie Database users on classic films. Sadly/happily IMDb removed the comment feature and that particular series on this blog ended. It finally occurred to me -- years later -- that I could find the same quality of erudition from the brilliant film critics who commented on movies on Amazon. So here today I present part one of my initial return to "people say the wackiest things about great films." All comments are verbatim without having been edited. In a few instances I have added a comment at the end. Names have, of course, not be included. Part two will appear on this space Monday.

Citizen KaneI am a retired grandmother who has seen multitudes of old movies, especially black and white, which are my favorites, and who has been hearing about Citizen Kane for many years, but, because I do not particularly care for Orson Welles other than in Rebecca, I never watched it until now. I found it completely and utterly boring! After 10 minutes ... 20 minutes ... and then one hour, I kept wondering 'when does it get spectacular as raved by all'? It NEVER DID. The story jumped around, the dialogue was not profound, NOTHING in this movie is memorable other than how boring and what a hyped-up waste of time. I can usually find something about all old movies that teaches me, grabs me, or that I find depth in its dialogue to regard to my experiences in life, but not this movie. The character accomplished zero, there really was no story line or anything profound whatsoever. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and pass for another sixty-some years…Note: Orson Welles was not in Rebecca. Is Grandma confusing Welles with Laurence Olivier?

The Seventh Seal

Haha, the make-up for the grim reaper is so bad. He's litteraly just a bald guy in a bath robe, like, oooh I'm so scared. And why are they all speaking German? Did they not make enough money paying accordion on street corners or whatever to do American voice-overs...?

Also if that's not enough to make you avoid this movie, their's a bunch of scenes with a naked little boy. Lol, what a movie for pedos.

They should remake this movie with good special affects and if they spoke English. Until then it feels like a pretty bad ripoff of Avatar.

Note: The Seventh Seal is in Swedish not German. A rip-off of Avatar, a film made fifty years later?

The Godfather

Profanity, foul language, ethnic slurs, sex, nudity, violence. This is what people watch for entertainment?

Schindler’s List

Just saw this for the first time, it’s a decent period melodrama, but in all honesty I was expecting a lot more. I’d give it a B as a film. Ben Kingsley was very good as always.

Note: "Melodrama?"

Parasite

Parasite

The night we watched it, both my wife and I had nightmares all night.

This is worthless, culturally unappealing, Left wing subversion efforts. Don't watch it.

Whatever they do in Korea, this is not what an average American will enjoy. The only reason it got Oscars is it is in tune with the Hollywood Progressive or Left Activists, or whatever they call themselves, agenda of pitting the Haves and Have-Nots, social unrest and mass deception and violence. They don't seem to know they will be the targets if there is a mass uprising of underclass and actual subversion.

You will not enjoy it. No redeeming value of any kind. It is not a dark comedy as some say; Just plain garbage.

Note: "Left activists"? is that a thing?

On The Waterfront

Only watched it because I had to for my Cinema Appreciation course. Thought the acting was horrible. At least many of the stars got better at acting when they got older.

Note: Marlon Brando and Eva Marie Saint won Oscars for Best Actor and Best Actress, respectively, for the film.

Bonnie and Clyde

This had to be one of the worse movies I have ever seen. Bonnie and Clyde were two cold blooded killers who got what they deserved and I do believe this movie shows how liberal Hollywood was becoming during this time period. Frank Hammer's character and story was completely incorrect. The historians who were hired for this movie failed. But, then again I wouldn't be surprised if they only hired socialists to push a narrative against law enforcement.

La Dolce Vita

many fine points and messages. a bit boring . smoke, smoke, smoke!

Do the Right Thing

To racists

Note: Well at least the reviewer was succinct -- in whatever they were saying.

12 Years a Slave

Good movie if they would leave out the BLASPHEMING!

Band of Outsiders

Band of Outsiders

I usually enjoy French crime movies, but this supposedly great film by Godard is meandering and pointless. The plot is almost non-existent, as it appears to be filmed for self-indulgent reasons in a whimsical manner, allowing the story to unfold in a random manner. There is not enough content to justify the running time of the film; maybe if it was edited down to a one-hour television special, all the filler could be removed and the movie would dare to be entertaining, instead of a waste of time.

Bicycle Thieves

This movie is overrated by a mile, like several classics. I just didn't care that much about the guy getting his bike back, and it was also socialist propaganda. It focused too much on one specific plot line. It had too much of a foreign feel to it, and really felt like it was from a different time and place-I didn't relate to it.

Note: Socialist propoganda?

Battleship Potemkin

Extremely disappointed, lots of wasted film showing nothing-boring. Clips of the movie were far more exciting then watching the whole movie.

This film was totally uninspiring as far as turning anybody to communism. Had it’s good parts but as a whole......well I was so bored I didn’t get thru the entire movie. The battle on the steps was really over rated-any remake would be far more superior than this.

Network

Someone raved about this so I gave it a try. Older movies can be slow and strangely paced and this movie is a very fine example of that. The premise is as bizarre as the behavior of many of the characters in this movie. And not in a compelling way, mostly just kind of dumb. I didn't finish the movie, only got about half way through, because I realized I had better things to do with my time.

All the President’s Men

This 1976 historical film depicting the events leading to the fall of a President is far from exciting or thrilling and merely borders on interesting. Actors Dustin Hoffman who plays Berstein, and Robert Redford who plays his fellow journalist, gave only decent performances as the diligent reporters who cracked the Watergate scandal.

The story portrayed in the film is one that leaves room for thrilling encounters, and exciting and mysterious scenes. Unfortunately, it is soarly lacking in all of the above. The plot moved in a slow, layed back pace. A lack of backround music to mysterious scenes, such as those with Deep Throat, only helped to enhance the boring factor.

The acting too was far from spectacular. Both main actors gave only mediocre performances, lacking in spice and borderline lacking in good talent. Thanks to Robert Redford's refreshingly youthful and attractive appearance, the film is bareable to watch. However, if You are looking for a good sleeper, I highly recomend this unusually boring film, All the president's Men!

It's A Wonderful Life

It’s A Wonderful Life

All of the critical reviews love this movie but complain about various technical issues for the DVD. I'm going to criticize the movie itself, which makes my review a minority of one. The moral message of this classic movie has serious flaws, especially in the context of a "feel good" Christmas story.

Actually I'm amazed that I seem to be the only person who sees the elephant in the room: George Bailey is a snowflake who decides to commit suicide over a relatively trivial financial problem. This story takes place during the Great Depression, and unlike millions of Americans George's entire family is doing quite well. George has a nice house in a great neighborhood, a beautiful, loving wife and adorable kids. But the moment George encounters the first real problem in his life - his uncle misplaces some money that was supposed to be deposited in the bank - he thinks that suicide is a solution and it takes a guardian angel - an angel sent by God, no less - to talk him out of it. George is the ultimate snowflake.

Even worse is the way that the guardian angel persuades George not to kill himself. The angel shows George how horrible everything would be if George wasn't born. Without George, the town of Bedford Falls becomes a dystopian nightmare. It isn't sufficient to remind George how lucky and blessed his life has been, nor is it sufficient to encourage him to work through the problem. George must be shown that he is the most special and important person in the entire town. In other words, this movie is a narcissistic fantasy.

I fail to see how this is an inspiring, feel-good Christmas story. Snowflakes who have it as good as George aren't the ones who need guardian angels. For that matter, I'm not sure why the guardian angel earned his wings with this easy case. All he had to do was show George that the town would be a terrible place without him.

A better title for this movie is "It's a Terrible Life Without George." :-)

Note: "A relatively trivial financial problem"? it would have meant prison and scandal!

Blackkklansman

It was decently funny but to much political rhetoric especially towards the end. Get enough politics every day without something that's suppose to be entertaining shoving more politics down my throat.

Grapes of Wrath

Liberal "progressive" brainwashing. I should have known it would be promoting socialism and "the greater good collective at the expense of the individual and individual freedom and responsibility. It shows Hollywood's Communist bent has been around for a long time. I loved Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball in Yours Mine and Ours and thought I would love this but hated this and threw it away.

Note: A very realistic portrayal of those who migrated west during the Dust Bowl is "promoting socialism"? Buddy, wait'll you read a history book. It'll seem like Das Kapital to you.

The Best Spam I've Ever Received and More Fun With IMDb User Comments

Subject Line:  ARE YOU DEAD OR ALIVE?.

The Letter: 

Dear: Customer,  How are you today? Mis Mary came to our Office this morning to Claim your fund, she stated that she is your younger Sister, she told us that you had a fatal Accident but unfortunately you survived but later gave up to ghost, she said that you instructed her to claim the ($750,000.00) Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand dollars on your behalf before your death.  And here is her address she provided us to transfer the fund, Address: Spring Hollow Ct. Roswell, GA  30075. I will like to know and to confirm if you are the one that gave her the power of claim, if yes, kindly provide a letter of claim from a chief judge or from a reputable attorney in your country before we can release your Fund to her, if no, you are to quickly get back to me to avoid wrongful transfer so we will stop the release of your fund to the little lady who claimed to be your younger sister, okay.And she even say that she will pay for the dispensation international account opening fee of $105, so we are still searching if we can relaese the fund to her or not. 
So we can get her arrested because of the criminal act and it will soon be reported to the police authority. Use this  code as your subject when replying this mail to me (CODE SV01 AS YOUR SUBJECT) so that you can not make any misstake when getting back to me to arrest her.
Barrister Paul Edward

First of all the subject line is irresistible. My initial temptation was to send this reply. "Yes I am in fact dead. Fortunately some of us have internet access in the afterlife and having been a paragon of virtue my entire time as a mortal I am eternally online. Also the deceased who possess cyber privileges do not have to deal with ads when watching you tube clips. Indeed there are no ads anywhere on heavenly websites. Best of all the comments sections have been disabled so there is no temptation to read any rude racists off topic illiterate screeds that typically follow well-thought out essays or posts. So in terms of post mortality web experiences death can be a real treat.
"Anyway thank you ever so for your email. I did not have a sister named Mary or anything else. Not a real one. I did have an imaginary sister Jezebel. Let me tell you she was a caution and about as real as the money you purport to have more...."

Most spam is merely clutter but gems like these do come along and they are to be cherished.

Here's an adorable TV show review by and IMDd user for a very short lived reality series called The Catalina:

The Catalina is a show for younger people that like to party and have fun.It's not meant to be a completely serious show,it's a fun show that shows a family of workers! It's always fun to see that work can be fun but still getting things done.I think this show is very entertaining. I don't think people are getting it enough credit, get your heads out of your asses and just learn to have fun and enjoy life a little bit! Cast is pretty funny and Morgan cracks me up I have a good friend that is a lot like her I love it! This hotel looks awesome if I ever come visit South Beach i'm staying at the Catalina! I also like the diversity of the cast cool to see all different kinds of people coming together and learning new things from each other !

I think the author's advice that we get our "heads out of your asses and just learn to have fun and enjoy life a little bit!" is spot on. People who cannot enjoy the televised garbage that is reality programming clearly have managed to do the seemingly impossible and placed their heads into their anal passages and further are the type of individual incapable of enjoying life. Although if you can actually pull off that little trick with your head and buttocks you probably have conceived some pretty clever ways of enjoying life "a little bit!" The author celebrates the "diversity" of the cast. Usually when someone recognizes a TV show for diversity it means there's a token African American and someone who either looks or in fact is Latino. Judging from the show's poster that would be the case with Catalina. My daughters watched some of the Disney channel and Nickelodeon TV series when they were younger and the casts invariably included a Black kid who you'd swear was white if you just heard his or her voice.

Her review is not unusual. I see countless such defenses for bad shows and movies that are examples of the belief that the best defense is a good offense. The writers attack any would-be or actual critics of the show holding firm that this show or film is for fun so don't bring your high faultin' artsy attitudes about what's good and bad to this shlock. "Hey I know this candy is empty calories and will contribute to my obesity but it's not meant to be nutritious it's just for fun to eat so leave me alone!"

For classic films there are countless IMDB user comments like this: "will someone explain to me why this is supposed to be so good? I just don't get why this is considered a classic. Don't get me wrong I tried to like it but...." Explaining to someone why a film is great is a futile exercise. If the person is 12 years old then just suggest they revisit the film in 10 or 20 years. A lot of my favorite films are ones I didn't at all like when I was younger. Tastes change as a person ages.

I leave you with this final IMDb user comment on Hitchcock's Rear Window:

I think my 6 years old cousin could build up a better thriller than this. 
Yeah it's a good movie, I gave it a 8 out of 10, but seriously, is it really that good? Of course, the directing is very very good, the acting is good, the sound and the cinematography are great for the 50s, but what the *beep* was that plot? 
It's such an easy story, I don't even get chills, this movie could have been so much better. They're so many moments in that film that just made me say: wtf is that, how dumb is that, oh wow the police are already there, oh yeah of course he hid something in the plants while he could've just put it with the rest, and the ending, oh gosh just a big lol at the end, yeah he'll just take 30 seconds to walk from the door to the chair while letting his eyes open...) 
Maybe I build up myself too much, but when you have a 8,7 grade and you're the 29th best film on IMDB, you're suppose to be really better than that. 
This movie is supposed to be: mystery and thriller. I watched a romance and a comedy! 
I mean... I liked Hitchcock work as a filmaker in this movie, really really, but the screenplay just wasn't good enough. 
P.S. to the ones that'll call me a hater or a Twilight fan, I'm not lol, I really loved Psycho as a matter of fact, may be I thought I'd get the same excitement throughout the movie...

 I checked and this commenter considers Titanic the best movie ever. Whattaya gonna do?

Just saying -- IMDB User Comments on Sight Sound's Greatest Films

Earlier this summer the prestigious Sight and Sound Poll of the 250 greatest films was released. The poll derives some of its gravitas from the fact that it only comes out once every ten years. Their first poll was released in 1952. The voters include film critics from all over the world as well programmers, writers, academics, distributors and other cinephiles (somehow they failed to ask me to participate). Over 1,000 people voted. There is a separate poll based on the votes of noted film directors released at the same time. That list only includes 100 titles. The two lists feature many of the same films.

It is my pleasure to offer you the fourth edition of IMDB user comments, wherein I painstakingly copy and paste the words of mostly anonymous film fans from the indispensable Internet Movie Database website.  In this instance I have selected films from the Sight and Sound's greatest list, including most from the top ten. As always, these comments come sans any annotation from yours truly. I neither endorse nor condemn any of the views or opinions expressed. None are edited, you're getting the pure stuff. All comments come from the IMDb page dedicated to the particular film. Enjoy.

Vertigo (1958)
cheesy, unbelievable and pointless for the 1st hour, and then you understand what is really happening. But really I still think the 1st hour or so is really too slow. I still gave it a 9 out of 10, but how can that movie be better than Citizen Kane, are the critics retarted or just tired of CK being first?

Citizen Kane (1941)
I get the feeling that most of the people that rated this film so highly on imdb went to film school and their professors convinced them it was great. The movie is good but not wonderful in my opinion. Definitely won't be watching it a second time.

Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927)
I didn't hate it, but I chose not to finish it. Not long after the pig scene I gave up and deleted it from my cable box. It was another L'Atalante: a highly-raved-about film from long ago that left me unmoved. Please don't hate me. After all the raving I thought I was in for another "The Crowd" or "City Lights" but I just didn't care for it. About twenty minutes in I thought to myself "if this movie didn't have the high praise it does, I'd have given up on it already."
The standout flaw of the movie was the plot. I just do not believe that he could go from murderous rage to cry-baby regret so fast, and get forgiven by his wife so fast. I don't believe it coming from these paper-thin characters. Maybe, MAYBE Dostoevsky could have written two characters from which I'd believe such behavior in such a small span of time, but I could not stop thinking "hang on, he almost murdered her a few hours ago and now they're whooping it up on the dance floor?" There aren't enough masterfully-filmed tracking shots in the world to spackle over that hole.

Rules of the Game (1939)
anyone with an open mind would not rate it more than 5unless he wants to pretend he ''knows'' about cinema...its just a plain bad movie...la grane illusion is definetely a better movie.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
...I'd rather watch an old Star Trek episode, any day. It sucks, man, it sucks! Dumb dumb dumb...borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring.

The Searchers (1956)
What drives me -nuts- is how many 'serious film critics' go on and on about all the 'layers' in The Searchers. If they just said, 'Yeah, it was a cool popcorn movie for its time.' I wouldn't give it a second thought.
I understand the genre is almost by definition kinda over the top, but characters like 'Mose' are ----so----- ridiculous I just can't see them being worth a doctoral thesis... but people -do- write scholarly papers on this thing.
I can understand -liking- it... in the same way I -like- a lot of Bruce Willis movies that no one can call great art. I watch 'em over and over. But I don't try to find deep -meaning- in every scene.
The scenes are beautiful... the shots are really well composed and almost like that 'Painter Of Light' guy dramatic.
But as I was watching it I kept thinking of Blazing Saddles... a lot of the dialog is so hammy it's tough to take seriously.
Now, I still love Errol Flynn movies. They have a lot of the same stock characters and cliches but for 1956 but again---not great art.
What am I missing?

The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928)
Okay so well, I've been reading around and it appears everyone seems to have been absolutely blown away from this film, personally, I don't quite get the hype.
I found the first half hour incredibly slow and dull, the forty minute mark it started to turn into a film I was beginning to enjoy. If it wasn't for the Voices of Light score, I think I would of fallen asleep, I almost fell asleep about twenty minutes in anyway.

8 1/2 (1963)
Having read many reviews over the years about how great and influential this film is supposed to be, I finally got round to watching it this week. It took me four days as I could only watch about 30 mins at a time before getting so bored I had to get off the couch and do something else. If it wasn't supposed to be such a 'great masterpiece' I wouldn't have stuck with it beyond the first instalment.
Now I don't think I am stupid, ignorant, or insensitive (before you fans start accusing me) - I have an IQ of 143 and enjoy 'real' films, including French, Italian and Japanese cinema, but I just don't get the hype with this one. Yes, its 'surreal' but lets face it, its boring! Apart from a couple of exceptions, the acting is atrocious, the pace is uneven, the dialogue second rate, etc. etc. Does 'surrealism' excuse all this?
You can get enjoyable, interesting and intelligent 'surreal' films - look at the work by Powell and Pressburger for example, or even Bergman or Lars von Trier. Can someone please explain why I should have to make the effort with 8 1/2? It takes more than 'cool sunglasses' to get me excited about a film!

Tokyo Story (1953)
Dont get me wrong, I thought this was a fantastic film, and I really admired its greatness. But I thought it was never going to end, just such a chore to watch. Does anyone agree with me? Or are you all going to say that you were completely involved and fully interested, because I would be sorely lying if I didnt say I was looking at how much time was left every five minutes.

Apocalypse Now (1979)
Don't read unless you have seen the movie. I will be spoiling basically all of it.
Honestly, I haven't been this bored with a movie since I watched Citizen Kane 2 summers ago. Don't get me wrong, I like a good character study movie. I thoroughly enjoyed Lawrence of Arabia & The Godfather Trilogy, but this movie just bored the frick out of me. Thank the Lord I wasn't watching the Redux version; I don't think I could have taken an additional 40 minutes of footage.
One of the reasons I found it boring was the plot was uninteresting. After the airstrike & Robert Duvall saying "I love the smell of Napalm in the morning!" (best line of the movie), the only interesting things that happened only lasted 30 seconds or less. The tiger attack lasted 15 seconds, The Natives shooting arrows lasted 30 seconds & The missile attack lasted 30 seconds. That is a minute 15 seconds of interesting events on an hour long boat ride. Why should I give a flip about some strip show? What is so interesting about a commercial boat where they end up slaughtering the people driving it for no reason? Nothing else was interesting happened until they got to the place where Kurtz was hiding out. That leads me to the next huge issue I had with the movie.

Persona (1966)
I usually give a film around 30 minutes before I decide if I want to continue watching. Kubrick once said that you have around 20 minutes to draw the viewer into a film before they'll lose interest. This is the third Bergman film I've watched. I started with Winter Light, then watched The Seventh Seal and finally this one. Does Bergman at all try to entertain the audience? I really want to like his films, but he puts NO effort into making me care at all. The "golden rule" of film-making (and writing) is "show, don't tell". And all Bergman's films are talking. Talk, talk, talk. And then a shot of a tree or something.
And it's not that I'm easily bored. I can appreciate directors like Tarkovsky. He, at least, makes his films intriguing, even if they are a little "talky". Maybe this is just bad luck on my part and I've watched his three least entertaining films. And don't say his films aren't meant to be entertaining. Film, as a medium, needs to be entertaining in order to convey the message or meaning behind it. Bergman should've just made this film a short story. I didn't feel any emotion at all watching this film, or Winter Light. The Seventh Seal was at least tolerable for a while but I zoned out around the 50 minute mark. If I wanted to hear the philosophical ramblings of people I'd go check out Philosophy forums online. Does Bergman have any idea about how to present ideas effectively? He just has his main character (in the case of the films I've watched, always a projection of himself) ramble on about this and that, usually not even within the context of the scene.
So help me out here. I REALLY want to like Bergman. He was in Kubrick's top 3 favourite directors (along with Fellini and David Lean). I just can't get involved in any of his films. Should I just give up him? This was worse than La Dolce Vita. All in all, Bergman is a boring hack and I've had enough of him. I'm off to watch A Clockwork Orange. A film with meaning AND entertaining value.
Edit: Oh yeah and Wild Strawberries was alright. It at least kept me interested (Forgot that was by Bergman. So I've seen 4 of his films but my point remains)