08 March 2021

News, Announcements and Updates from Streams of Unconsciousness Headquarters

Polo season is nearly here. This photo is from after our season finale last year.

Welcome to another edition of news and notes from Streams of Unconsciousness headquarters. A lot has been going on and a busy few months are ahead especially as restrictions loosen now that the coronavirus vaccine has become readily available. Indeed, that leads directly to our first announcement....

We've received a shipment of the vaccine so members of our nursing staff are standing by available to give you your shot. If you get vaccinated with us you'll receive a free copy of the Streams of Unconsciousness monthly magazine and ten cents off a chocolate malt at our cafe....

We’ll be hosting our annual orgy for the impotent and frigid on Saturday March 27. Volunteers welcome, come lend a hand....


Under our on-going staff re-structuring we’ve been moving our accounting team to the lyceum, while the legal staff will be stationed in the pagoda. Come check them out in their new digs, effective, Thursday....


In compliance with local ordinances we will no longer be holding the annual April cock fighting tournament on Streams of U grounds. We will be texting the now secret location to those interested in the coming days....


Plenty of new items in the gift shop. First though, we’re happy to announce that in addition to the new hoodies and tee shirts in all sizes for both men and women, we've now boast a full supply of Streams of U knit caps, baseball caps, scarves, and letterman’s jackets. New items include meth supplies, switch blades, coke spoons, acetylene torches, ball peen hammers, trawling shackles and coffins, all sporting the Streams of Unconsciousness logo. Remember, premium Streams members receive a fifteen per cent discount on all items in the gift shop....


More staff changes. Gilda Loopner has moved from the receptionist desk to take over deep sea exploration team. She replaces Ty Conderoga who was last seen in the clutches of a giant squid. We wish Ty the best. Also, Gus Crump is moving from custodial services to head our marketing team. We’re sure it’ll be a seamless transition to his new role. Speaking of seamless, our on-staff tailor, Lance Mintz is retiring effective at the end of the month. We’ll be onboarding a recent Harvard graduate, Daisy von Buckmeister to take his place. Good luck Lance!....


We’re proud to announce that the Streams of Unconsciousness Bar and Grill is now fully stocked with premium beers from all over the world and our Opium Den is now replete with brand new couches and cushions. Drop by!...


We will be resuming live concerts every Friday starting in May. First up will be the Moose Jaw Philharmonic Orchestra, always a big hit. Other confirmed acts are The Rolling Stones; Peter Paul, Mary, Jock and Lolita; The Oshkosh Polka King All Star Band; Beyonce; Chick Cherry’s Chamber Music Ensemble; The Addis Ababa Barbershop Quartet; and The Eastern Saskatchewan Gregorian Chants Society. More to come....


More upcoming events include a bake sale next Saturday with all proceeds going to The Committee for Calendar Reform. And a car wash the following Saturday with all proceeds going to refurbishing our calliope. April 2nd is foot fetishists day, anyone with a foot fetish gets free admission to the Streams Museum....


Stop by every Saturday in May for our Polo tournament. Starting in June we’ll be competing against polo teams from other blogs....


More staff changes: we’ve bolstered our whaling staff by adding more harpooneers, blacksmiths, coopers and ordinary crewmen. Look out whales!....


June 5-11 is Restless Leg Syndrome Awareness Week. Half of all proceeds from Streams of Unconsciousness that week will go to fight this dreaded ailment. Please give generously....


As always we welcome your suggestions, ideas and opinions. Please send them to notarealperson@notarealemailaddress.net.


Also, if you're interested in our Fall internship program contact either Mr.Stan Laurel or Mr. Oliver Hardy at P.O. Box 1928374655 GreenBucket Falls, Mongolia.

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