Where I Am is Where I Was

Where I am now.

I’m not here right now.

I’m in Paris, walking through the Louvre. I’m marveling at the dizzying array of art and wondering how much we can expect to see in one visit.

I’m in Rome, sitting down for dinner in a restaurant. Everything we’ve eaten in Italy so far has been delicious and we’re eagerly anticipating this meal.

I’m standing in front of a class of middle school students, teaching them about the causes of the Civil War. Students are mostly engaged, and the lesson is going well. 

I’m in Boston, sitting with a date in a bar ordering another round. We like each other but both know there's no future in our relationship. We have fun just the same.

I’m on Highway Five south of Salinas, hitchhiking to a friend’s wedding in Orange Country. I’m with a friend but we’re both lonely. Soon we'll get a ride and everything will feel better. The wedding will be a blast and I'll meet someone.

I’m in Tilden Park, tripping on LSD. There are two friends with me. We’re discussing how the trees and hills have trails. It's a new world.

I’m in New York at Zabar’s eating a bagel and lox. My wife and I are people-watching and talking about our sight-seeing plans for the day.

I’m in Chico typing a story for the newspaper on my Royal typewriter. I’ve got a cigarette going and there’s a coffee spiked with whiskey within arm’s reach. I love being a reporter.

I’m in Finland sitting in a wood sauna, happily sweating, eagerly anticipating leaping into a lake then having a beer. A perfect day is about to climax wonderfully.

I’m in Hawaii sitting on the beach. I’m alternating between frolicking in the water and watching pretty girls in bikinis.

I'm in London watching my favorite team play. The stadium is packed and the fans are singing, chanting, cheering. It's exhilarating. 

I’m in Mexico eating seafood at a restaurant by the ocean. The day is glorious especially as I’m with the love of my life.

I’m in San Francisco at a baseball game with my father. We’re eating sandwiches, watching the action and sharing observations. What could be better?

I’m in San Francisco at a baseball game with my daughter. We’re eating sandwiches, watching the action and sharing observations. What could be better?

I’m in Sacramento walking to work. It’s a warm day that promises to be hot but it’s Friday and I’ve got weekend plans so am in a good mood.

I’m in Berkeley at Memorial Stadium watching the Golden Bears. They’re winning so my spirits are high. I yell lustily reveling in the escape from my cares.

I’m in Mendocino at a huge barbecue on the beach. There are nearly a hundred people in attendance, some of whom are women my age who I’ve got an eye on.

I’m in Los Angeles playing with my soccer team for the state championship in my age group. I score the winning goal in overtime and rejoice. 

I’m at the hospital with my wife who is giving birth to our first child. The magic of the moment is indescribable. 

I’m at the hospital with my wife who is giving birth to our second child. The magic of the moment is indescribable. Again.

I’m in San Francisco teaching an ESL class. Students are talking in groups and I’m enjoying how enthusiastically they share thoughts, ideas and opinions.

I’m at the park with my daughters. They’re on play structures having a great time. Watching them, I am too.

I’m at a movie theater with my wife. We’re about to watch a film we’ve eagerly anticipated. We hold hands for a few seconds. I love her.

I’m coaching a soccer team. I stand on the sidelines stoically watching them, planning my next substitution and my halftime talk.

I’m working on my novel, writing a new scene with a new character in it. Challenging. But fun.

I’m in a chair reading a book. It is quiet in the house and outside. Perfection.

I’m at a party in Chico with friends. We’re drunk, happy and laughing. I occasionally break away from my companions to dance, hoping to make a connection with some girl.

I’m in my room listening to the newest Beatles album. I’m entranced, loving the rhythm, the bass, the voices, the words. 

I’m talking to my daughters. They’re grown now. I realize that they are smarter than me. I suppose that they were raised well. I'm proud.

I'm in the car next to my father. He's driving us home from a visit to my Uncle's house. I couldn't feel more secure.

I’m here now. Typing this on my MacBook Air. In my office. At my desk. Enjoying the pictures I have on the wall. Enjoying my memories. Looking forward to making more.

If I Had My Way: Each Year's Oscar Winner for Best Picture, My Favorite Nominee of the Nominees and My Favorite Picture

All Quiet on the Western Front, the Academy and I agreed on this one

Below you will find each year's Oscar winner for best picture followed by my favorite of that year's nominees and my favorite film for that year. You will note that in a few cases for best nominee I put N/A (not applicable) because in my estimation, there wasn't anything nominated worthy of the prize. In only seven years did the Oscar winner match what I thought was the best movie (All Quiet on the Western From '30, Casablanca '42, On the Waterfront '54, The Godfather '72, Annie Hall '77, No Country for Old Men '07 and Birdman '14). On sixteen occasions the best picture was, in my opinion, the best of the nominees. Sixty-five times my favorite film of the year did not receive a nomination (although many were foreign language films and some of those were nominated in that category.). Please excuse my failure to link the films to IMDb as I normally do, but with over two hundred titles, it's simply too time-consuming a task.

1928 Wings/Wings/Sunrise

1929 Broadway Melody/NA/Diary of a Lost Girl

1930 All Quiet on the Western Front/All Quiet on the Western Front/All Quiet on the Western Front

1931 Cimarron/ The Front Page/City Lights

1932 Grand Hotel/Shanghai Express/Red Dust

1933 Cavalcade/42nd Street/Duck Soup

1934 It Happened One Night/The Thin Man/The Thin Man

1935 Mutiny on the Bounty/Ruggles of Red Gap/The Thirty-Nine Steps

1936 The Great Ziegfeld/Libeled Lady/My Man Godfrey

1937 The Life of Emile Zola/The Awful Truth/The Awful Truth

1938 You Can’t Take it With You/Grand Illusion/Holiday

1939 Gone With the Wind/Mr. Smith Goes to Washington/Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

1940 Rebecca/ The Grapes of Wrath/His Girl Friday

1941 How Green Was My Valley/Citizen Kane/Sullivan’s Travels

1942 Mrs. Miniver/The Talk of the Town/The Talk of the Town

1943 Casablanca/Casablanca/Casablanca

1944 Going My Way/Double Indemnity/Double Indemnity

1945 The Lost Weekend/The Lost Weekend/Rome: Open City

1946 The Best Years of Our Lives/It’s a Wonderful Life/It’s a Wonderful Life

1947 Gentleman’s Agreement/Great Expectations/Odd Man Out

1948 Hamlet/Treasure of the Sierra Madre/Treasure of the Sierra Madre

1949 All the King’s Men/Battleground/The Third Man

1950 All About Eve/Sunset Blvd./Sunset Blvd.

1951 An American in Paris/A Streetcar Named Desire/A Streetcar Named Desire

1952 The Greatest Show on Earth/High Noon/Umberto D

1952 From Here to Eternity/Julius Caesar/Ikiru

1954 On the Waterfront/On the Waterfront/On the Waterfront

1955 Marty/Mister Roberts/Rebel Without a Cause

1956 Around the World in 80 Days/NA/The Searchers

1957 Bridge on the River Kwai/Bridge on the River Kwai/The Seventh Seal

1958 Gigi/The Defiant One/Elevator to the Gallows

1959 Ben-Hur/NA/Some Like it Hot

1960 The Apartment/The Apartment/La Dolce Vita

1961 West Side Story/The Hustler/Through a Glass Darkly

1962 Lawrence of Arabia/To Kill a Mockingbird/L’Eclisse

1963 Tom Jones/NA/Winter Light

1964 My Fair Lady/Dr. Strangelove/Red Desert

1965 The Sound of Music/A Thousand Clowns/I Knew Her Well

1966 A Man for All Seasons/The Sand Pebbles/Persona

1967 In the Heat of the Night/Bonnie and Clyde/Bonnie and Clyde

1968 Oliver/The Lion in Winter/2001: A Space Odyssey

1969 Midnight Cowboy/Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid/The Wild Bunch

1970 Patton/M*A*S*H*/Investigation of a Citizen Above Suspicion

1971 The French Connection/A Clockwork Orange/A Clockwork Orange

1972 The Godfather/The Godfather/The Godfather

1973 The Sting/The Exorcist/Amacord

1974 Godfather Part 2/ Chinatown/Chinatown

1975 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest/Barry Lyndon/Barry Lyndon

1976 Rocky/Taxi Driver/Taxi Driver

1977 Annie Hall/Annie Hall/Annie Hall

1978 Deer Hunter/Deer Hunter/Animal House

1979 Kramer vs. Kramer/Apocalypse Now/Manhattan

1980 Ordinary People/Raging Bull/Heaven’s Gate

1981 Chariots of Fire/Reds/Reds

1982 Gandhi/The Verdict/Fanny and Alexander

1983 Terms of Endearment/The Right Stuff/Local Hero

1984 Amadeus/Places in the Heart/Broadway Danny Rose

1985 Out of Africa/Witness/Come and See

1986 Platoon/Platoon/Down by Law

1987 The Last Emperor/NA/Au Revoir Les Enfants

1988 Rain Man/Dangerous Liaisons/Bull Durham

1989 Driving Miss Daisy/My Left Foot/Crimes & Misdemeanors

1990 Dances With Wolves/Goodfellas/Goodfellas

1991 The Silence of the Lambs/JFK/Europa

1992 Unforgiven/The Crying Game/La Vie de boheme

1993 Schindler’s List/Schindler’s List/Groundhog Day

1994 Forrest Gump/Pulp Fiction/Pulp Fiction

1995 Braveheart/Il Postino/Dead Man

1996 The English Patient/Fargo/Drifting Clouds

1997 Titanic/Good Will Hunting/Ice Storm

1998 Shakespeare in Love/Saving Private Ryan/The Big Lebowski

1999 American Beauty/American Beauty/The Virgin Suicides

2000 Gladiator/Traffic/In the Mood For Love

2001 A Beautiful Mind/Gosford Park/Y Tu Mama Tambien

2002 Chicago/Gangs of New York/Hable Con Ella

2003 Lord of the Rings/Lost in Translation/The Man Without a Past

2004 Million Dollar Baby/The Aviator/Mean Girls

2005 Crash/Good Night and Good Luck/Match Point

2006 The Departed/The Departed/Half Nelson

2007 No Country For Old Men/No Country For Old Men/No Country For Old Men

2008 Slumdog Millionaire/Milk/Vicky Cristina Barcelona

2009 The Hurt Locker/Inglourious Basterds/Inglourious Basterds

2010 The King’s Speech/Winter’s Bone/Of Gods and Men

2011 The Artist/Midnight in Paris/Midnight in Paris

2012 Argo/Silver Linings Playbook/Silver Linings Playbook

2013 12 Years a Slave/Nebraska/Inside Llewyn Davis

2014 Birdman/Birdman/Birdman

2015 Spotlight/The Revenant/Carol

2016 Moonlight/Manchester by the Sea/Manchester by the Sea

2017 The Shape of Water/Call Me by Your Name/Personal Shopper

2018 Green Book/Roma/First Reformed

2019 Parasite/Once Upon a Time in Hollywood/Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

2020 Nomadland/Promising Young Woman/Another Round

2021 CODA/Drive My Car/Drive My Car

2022 Everything Everywhere All At Once/Tar/Aftersun

2023 Oppenheimer/Oppenheimer/Fallen Leaves

2024 Anora/Anora/Anora

I Respond to Movie Titles

The Cherries of Calm

How Green Was My Valley?

It’s your valley, shouldn’t you know?

A Man For All Seasons

So I’m putting him down for Fall, Winter, Spring and Sumer

It’s A Wonderful Life

At times, yes. Other times, not so much.

The Grapes of Wrath

I prefer the cherries of calm.

No Country for Old Men

Isn’t that ageism?

All Quiet on the Western Front

Bit noisy on the Eastern front, is it?

A Woman Under the Influence

Of….?

My Own Private Idaho

Now billionaires are buying entire states.

Shoot the Piano Player

I will NOT!

O Brother Where Art Thou?

I’m guessing you’re not your brother’s keeper.

Some Like it Hot

Some don’t.

Meet John Doe

How do you do, John.

The Long Goodbye

But everybody hates long goodbyes.

How the West Was Won

If you’re talking about the American west it was more stolen that won.

The Russians Are Coming The Russians Are Coming

We heard you the first time.

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Given that she’d deceased, I doubt anyone.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

For the love of God, just tell us already.

Out of Africa

Call your supplier for more.

The Cider House Rules

Rules what?

Hell or High Water

Those are the only choices?

Call Me By Your Name

That would be weird.

I Pay Homage to My Favorite Author With a Trip into the City

“It seemed like a matter of minutes when we began rolling in the foothills before Oakland and suddenly reached a height and saw stretched out ahead of us the fabulous white city of San Francisco on her eleven mystic hills with the blue Pacific and its advancing wall of potato-patch fog beyond, and smoke and goldenness in the late afternoon of time.” --- From On the Road

Last Saturday was the centennial of Jack Kerouac’s birthday. My plan to honor him: visit the Beat Museum where they were having an open house, then cross the street to City Lights Bookstore where Kerouac often hung out.

Got to the BART station a few minutes before my scheduled train was to depart. Train was out of service due to mechanical issues so hard to wait twenty-seven minutes then transfer.

Damn.

Got to downtown SF. There was a Saint Patrick’s Day parade — poorly attended, I thought — blocking the area where I’d catch the bus to North Beach.

Damn.

Walked several blocks to where I could catch the bus.

One was waiting for me.

We went three blocks then the bus stopped and didn’t move again for ten minutes as the driver walked around made calls and look befuddled. It was obvious that there was a mechanical issue but the driver said nothing.

Damn.

Finally another bus came. Boarded it.

It went through my stop.

Damn.

Forgot to ring for the next one.

Damn. 

Finally got off and went to the Beat Museum, less than a ten-minute walk despite the missed stops.

There was someone playing the guitar and singing Kerouac poems.

He was tolerable.

There was a large pizza that anyone could take a slice of.

I’m not one to share pizza with strangers so gave it a miss.

Walked around the museum. Not much to see especially as the entire upstairs was closed. 

Took a few photos.

Made the rounds twice hoping to find something of interest.

A few first editions of Kerouac novels on display. A signed letter.

Enjoyed the museum, has a nice feel to it and does honor to the Beats.

Then an old woman got up and read a poem of her own composition. She stumbled through it, her voice breaking.

I managed to block the old gal out.

Went into the Mobile Beat Museum parked outside. It was really a gift shop with no displays, just items for sale. Had a nice chat with the woman working there.

Crossed the street to City Lights. 

Had to wait a few minutes to get in.

Went straight for the Beat Section. 

Bought two Kerouac books: Book of Sketches and Book of Haikus.

Pleased with my purchases.

Next to City Lights is Vesuvio Cafe which Kerouac and other Beats frequented. Took a photo. 

Headed down Columbus towards downtown. Stopped in a coffee shop and had a fruit cup.

Got to BART station fearing another twenty-plus minute wait. But a train arrived as I did.

Had to transfer at downtown Oakland. Usually a zero to three-minute wait. Today, due to ongoing mechanical issues, it was fourteen minutes.

Damn.

Got to Berkeley having spent fifty-seven minutes of my trip waiting for transportation.

Walked home.

Wife had returned from grocery shopping. I gave her a rundown of my travels.

Anyway, I’d paid homage to my favorite author.

So it was a day well-spent.

He Can Cure Cancer! I Google a Long-Lost Relative and Find an Amazing Man (According to Him, Anyway)

My cousin in an undated photo

(The following, I swear to all that is holy, is a true story. At least according to the gentleman whose words I directly quote.)

He’s cured cancer! He’s helped two professional teams win championships! He’s a financial wizard! He's an author! And he’s a kin of mine!

I recently googled a second cousin who I haven’t seen since he was a child — about thirty-five years ago. I remembered little about him other than he looked — as did I — like your typical kid of Finnish descent, especially the blonde locks. I was close to his older brother for a time but had very little interaction with him. I was curious about the lad who would be in his early fifties by now. What I discovered amazed me. It was remarkable that I had’t heard of him before. Given his accomplishments he should have had his name splashed across the headlines of major publications many times over. 

I here provide excerpts of what I found about him on the internet. All of it in his own humble words.

From his Twitter profile:

Brain and Life Scientist whose company effects massive change at the deepest level quickly in your sports, business, and in your health.

From an ezine article he wrote:

How does one turn their own money facets on? Is there such-a-thing as a money facet? When most non-rich people think of money, they think of money from a few self-limiting beliefs. For example, some non-rich people think money is the root of all evil. In thinking this way, do you think their deep brain (the subconscious a vastly powerful thing) would allow lots of money to show up into their lives? It can't. And they won't let it! Are getting the idea that some of your extremely powerful subconscious beliefs (your deep brain programming) of yourself and others are your governing wheel?

You might be wondering, why did the non-rich people do that? That is an excellent question. To answer this question in a way that will gleam the information required for you to begin transcending your own self-induced "non-rich" deep brain programming you must begin to realize who you really are and how interconnected everything in life really is.

(His tweets boasts no likes, retweets or comments.)

From his Ezine profile:

…..has started a new practice since retiring from his pediatric DC practices in 2009. He's started a new company called Performance Enhancement Technologies helping stage 4 cancer patients quickly cure their dreaded disease, guaranteed. In addition, he helps professional athletes dissolve slumps and enhance performances to new levels. His previous accomplishments pale to what he is doing now. Previously, he helped kid's IQs soar and help these same kids function a higher levels of abilities.

…. recently (2012) stepped down the position of MLF Personal Growth Chairperson of the oldest and largest public affairs forum in the United States, The Commonwealth Club of California. He spent 4 years hosting and speaking and inspiring guests and the Commonwealth Club membership and public. He in 2013 released his first book called "How To Achieve Every Desire Effortlessly - The Hidden Science of You & Life - Volume 1. He is currently writing a new book explaining his miraculous results with terminal (stage 4) cancer patients.

Through ….. unique experiences he has found that individuals are the sole cause of their experiences. Thus being so, he has found and or discovered an easy and effortless way to change one's fate.

(I couldn’t find evidence of any books he’s written.)

From his crunchbase profile:

….was exposed to cancer when his high school friend of many years and his favorite uncle passed away. Cancer had taken them both. Dr. David was powerfully moved to find a cure and what really causes cancer. At the same time he discovered when using this science based technology he blissfully discovered not only does it cure cancer quickly, even stage 4 cancers, it also increases athletic abilities in sports and increases mental performance. Sadly, when his uncle passed he was very close to finding the complex yet highly effective solution. And he currently has a 100% success rate when clients and patients follow his easy and simple directions. 

From his Facebook page: 

Dr. …. published a book revealing the process (The Work) of how deadly diseases can be healed and life can become a blissful unfoldment of your desires.

What controls the performance levels you achieve in your chosen field? If you answered something outside of yourself, your absolutely incorrect. However, if your answer was your brain, you're absolutely correct.

Looking for a person who has been diagnosed with AIDS who would like to be healed completely. And start a fresh new chapter in their life. Have them get in touch with me through my website.

From his LinkedIn page:

We help struggling professional sports teams quickly win championships, guaranteed.

Dr. ….. is the second-to-none sports performance doctor and consultant who helps professional athletes and their teams quickly win world championships. From 2010 to 2018 he helped several professional sports teams each win multiple championships. 

In 1990 the doctor began his professional journey learning and studying and researching to find out what actually holds a person back from being a superstar. As a primary health care provider he also wanted to know what kept a person from healing from the major diseases. Through his research and experimenting on his patients and athlete clients he found a powerful process that helps both the wannabe superstars and incurable patients achieve their goals. In other words, the cure for both was exactly the same.
Consequently, to share what he learned, Dr. …. began writing his 1st book in 2004 and published it in 2013. Then in late 2018 Dr. …. began writing his second book called, How to Achieve Every Desire Effortlessly, The Hidden Sciences of You and Life, Volume 2 which is due to come out in 2022.
…… is presently as of 2020 interviewing with teams for his next championship run.

Also on Linkedin:

President and Founder and Consultant

Performance Enhancement Technologies

Jan 2004 - Present18 years 3 months

Through his decades of clinical practice in pediatrics and sports performance fields and his deep curiosity of the scientific literature of the latest research on brain performance, he have come to the inescapable understanding and conclusion that everybody's successes, and healings, and failures come about for one extremely powerful reason: it is whether or not their brain's self-sabotaging and performance-suppression system is turned on or off.
The doctor's unparalleled success in helping professional teams and athletes perform dramatically better and win multiple world championships has come from his ability to take the PhDs' in-the-lab experimental results and apply them quickly in the real world.
These unmatched guaranteed results are caused by the doctor's proprietary technology, coined Fusion.

(There were two recommendations for my relative on this page — both from the same person.)

The good doctor is a chiropractor with an office in the Bay Area that appears to be a going concern. He has three reviews — all from 2011 — one gives him five stars (out of five) another three stars and the other one star. Those reviews and the two comments on LinkedIn are the only references I could find to my cousin that were not in his own words.

You’d think a someone who could cure stage four cancer would engender some discussion on the web but…..

I Write About My Day So Far, Mostly About A Walk

Jack Kerouac. He wasn't with me on my walk but is often on my mind.

Time to check in.

I’m doing well. 

The novel I’m writing is a massive project that threatens to overwhelm but I keep grinding. Showing up. Putting in a shift. 

On my walk.

Walked by hordes of high school students emerging from my alma mater on their lunch break. My what a scruffy lot. No one seems to dress well anymore. I was not known for my sartorial elegance as a teenager but I put in an effort. Also a proliferation of studs and rings — never found that look attractive, traditional ear rings aside (my old fogginess is showing) even an occasional tattoo. Most boys wearing shirts with writing and emblems and symbols and pictures on them. Hair askew, guess they’re not big on brushes or combs. Been over fifty years since I was a high school student. What a strange lad I was. I was a hippie, jock, revolutionary, druggie, sports fan -- the combo package. And a straight A student. But I was mostly happy in those days. Didn’t know what to make of myself in the future. That is, if I thought of the future at all. 

Previously had been walking on and near the Cal campus. Striking difference between high schoolers and college students even though some are but a year or two apart in age. College students are more focused, more comfortable in their skin, more relaxed. They’ve already taken the first leap into adulthood. Most are living away from home and enjoying the consequent independence. Many are exclusively taking classes they’re interested in. They also know a little bit about love and romance and sex and are slightly more at ease on those topics. In Berkeley they have the added benefit of attending the top public university in the world. Some high school students are oozing in confidence but even they have inevitable insecurities. Peer pressure a greater burden for teens.

I’d gone to Berkeley’s infamous Telegraph Avenue to trade in some CDs and DVDs for store credit. The damn store was closed on Mondays.

Live and learn.

Never mind, the bag I carried wasn’t heavy and was listening to a podcast so continued my stroll.

Some of the “action” in my latest novel is set on the university campus. Specifically late sixties/early seventies demonstrations which morphed into riots — often it was the police who were running amuck. So I walked the ground were events in the novel take place. Space is always bigger in reality than in your mind’s eye — at least for me. I visualized the protagonist running about, evading police officers, choking on tear gas, watching his brethren getting beaten by nightsticks. 

Later made my way downtown. Walked by a pizzeria. Was hungry and noted that the pizza of the day (they only make one kind a day at Sliver) looked delish. I had a slice. Ambled the rest of the way home. Here I sit. Writing this. Almost finished.

Been re-reading Kerouac in recognition of his 100th birthday on Saturday. Currently breezing through the deliriously wonderful, Desolation Angels, his most poetic book. Going to the Beat Museum on Saturday where they’re having an open house in honor of the great day. Will I write here about it? We’ll see.

I’m going to end this post with the next sentence as I’ve got to get back to the novel. The day’s been okay so far.

Can I Have a Quick Word and Other Inanities Uttered in Workplaces

 Things often heard in workplaces:

“I’m gonna grab some lunch.”

“Can I have a quick word?”

“We’re gonna have a quick meeting.”

“I’m having to do a little catch up.”

“First we need to do a little housekeeping.”

“Just a few quick announcements.”

“Can I grab that off your desk real quick?”

"How is everyone today?"

“I just need to make a real quick copy.”

“I’m gonna grab a coffee, you want one?”

"Good weekend?"

“Sorry, I’ve gotta take this call.”

“I look forward to hearing all about your trip.”

“He just stepped away for a minute.”

“She’s not at her desk right now.”

"I'm way behind on my emails."

"Who signed off on this?"

"Hey, it's Friday!"

“I’ve gotta make a quick trip to the bathroom.”

“I just need a hot minute.”

“He’s out today.”

“Can’t. I’m right in the middle of something.”

“You caught me at a bad time.”

“I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

"It's been crazy around here all week."

"Have a good one."

“There’s some pastries in the break room, grab one.”

“I’m going to decapitate Jane in accounting.”

“There’s a live badger in the reception area.”

“Please don’t defecate on the copy machine.”

“We’re excepting a shipment of dildos any day now.”

“The wharf rat casserole is excellent.”

“Martin Heidegger’s groundbreaking work in ontology and metaphysics determined the course of 20th-century philosophy on the European continent and exerted an enormous influence on virtually every other humanistic discipline, including literary criticism, hermeneutics, psychology, and theology.”

“Dude, I’m totally fucking wasted.”