Look Everybody! It's the July Edition of Headlines

Olivio Rodrigo, still #1

Last Summer I started printing headlines from various news sources and writing comments about them that were either pithy, snarky, wise or brilliantly on point (or a combination thereof). The response was so overwhelming (thank you, Walpole Presbyterian of Kalamazoo, Michigan) that I have made this is a regular feature -- to enthusiastic acclaim. Here then is the latest edition of this critically-acclaimed monthly feature.

From the New York Times:

Our Favorite Presidents You’ve Never Heard Of

Wait, so there are presidents some Americans have never heard of. Ya know, Biden is only number forty-six, it's not like knowing all the kings of England. You may not know a lot (or anything) about Benjamin Harrison or Franklin Pierce but the names should at least ring a bell. 

‘Everyone Has a Tipping Point’: Hunger Fuels Cuba’s Protests

Hunger and living in a police state will do it. Cuba has lived under an oppressive regime for over sixty years (not to exuse the U.S. failure to recognize and work with the country) and something was eventually going to spark mass protests. Here's to democracy coming to the island nation. High time.

Wildfires Explode as Heat Wave Scorches the West for Another Day

Welcome to another in an on-going series of global warming stories. Horrible heatwaves and fires have become standard in many parts of the western U.S. during the summer. Hey climate deniers -- go f**k yourselves.

From CNN:

Taliban fighters execute 22 Afghan commandos as they try to surrender

These are people who claim to be Muslims, i.e. part of a religion and yet they shoot down people in cold blood, people who are in the act of surrendering. Tells you all you need to know about the hypocrisy of most organized religions and the perversions they commit based on what are often loving philosophies. 

Texas House Democrats leave state to block Republicans from passing voting restrictions

Yup. Republicans are trying to suppress the vote because they know they can't win elections otherwise. They are the lowest of the low, with no understanding of what a democracy is or how a republic works. The bastards want to stay in power so that they can continue to service their wealthy overlords. They don't give a fuck about regular folk. Unconscionable. And good for Texas Democrats for pulling out all stops to fight them.

Coke is giving one of its most popular drinks a makeover

Who gives a sh*t if it's still one of the worst "beverages" a person can ingest. The stuff is terrible for you. If you value your health, don't drink it. Makeover or no.

From BBC:

Man in China reunited with son snatched 24 years ago

Talk about having a lot of catching up to do....But seriously this is a classic combination of good news/bad news. Good to be re-united. Bad to have lost all those years.

Capitol riots: What we have learned six months on

We've learned that Republicans want to let bygones be bygones and just forget that these people stormed the capitol building in an attempt to lynch elected officials and overturn the results of an election. We've learned that many of those arrested have no shame, no decency and are easily duped.

Giant goldfish problem in US lake prompts warning to pet owners

Humans are forever finding new ways to screw with the environment. Here is another example. Homo sapiens have been throwing things off kilter since first emerging from the primordial ooze. Worst among human crimes is wiping out entire species. Worst among those cases is the "people" who do it while hunting for "sport."

From the Washington Post:

Inside Trump’s Election Day: Tumult, disbelief and advice to ‘just say we won’

Ladies and gentlemen I give you a candidate for least surprising headline of the year. Tumult because that't the way it was in Trumpy's world. Disbelief because the idiots refused to believe in polls. That stupid advice because these are a people without a conscience.

The new child tax credit could lift more than 5 million kids out of poverty. Can it help them learn, too?

This is a very good news headline (how rare!) about lifting children out of poverty with a silly question attached to it. Of course it'll help them learn. Any teacher can tell you anecdotally and research will back them up, that children dealing with issues stemming from want have a much harder time learning than other students. So to answer the headline's question: of course.

Republicans refusing to get vaccinated are owning no one but themselves

Yup, they'e going to show us by dying from the coronavirus. Brilliant.

Bonus headline from the Times so that I can use a photo 

Olivia Rodrigo Holds at No. 1 With ‘Sour’

Good for her.