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Miley Cyrus. Nothing to do with the post, just trying to increase page views.

This is my 118th blog post of the year. So far two people have commented on my posts since January. I had a third comment that recently arrived but it was on a post from a few years ago. Here’s that comment: “Go to the hell man,,, don't waste our time... You Mother fucker!!!!!!!” The author wished to remain anonymous. The post he (or she?) commented on was a childhood reminiscence. Well, it least it constituted some feedback and indicates that someone looked at this blog. Actually my blog posts generally get over 100 page views by the time they’ve been up for a few weeks. How many of those people actually read a word of it, I do not know. I’m not particularly concerned about it. I’m going to keep posting no matter what. I pretend that there are people out there waiting to see my next writing. I edit and proofread my posts (perhaps not as well as I should) and I provide links. On holidays I offer my ten lists of ten films. That — for the math-challenged — is 100 movies. I link each one. I could say, “screw it, no one reads this thing and if anyone stumbles on it they’re not likely to click a link anyway.” But I don’t. If you’re going to do something at all, do it right. In for a penny….

I’m on Twitter and I tweet from time-to-time and get virtually no likes for my tweets and doubt I’ve gotten a retweet in over a year. I have over 200 followers but for all I know most of them have muted me. I do get likes sometimes for comments I make on other people’s tweets. For what that’s worth. I'd probably tweet more if started getting likes and retweets. But nothing is going to deter my writing.

I’ve self-published a novel. Some people have bought it. Only three have written me to comment on it (they said nice things) but they’re friends of mine. I have another novel coming out soon which I think will be more widely read which means maybe two dozen people will read it and four or five will comment. So it goes.

I don’t know any better than to keep going. Keep blogging, keep tweeting, keep writing fiction. I enjoy the process and having a blog is fun and gives me structure. Writing novels — no matter if they’re read — fulfills a lifelong dream of mine. I’ll keep writing until I’m physically or mentally unable. That’s just the way I am.

Obviously I don’t expect more than maybe two or three people to read this post and seriously doubt anyone would bother to comment on it. That’s okay. It’s like staying sober, you have to do it for yourself.

Sometimes I think I’ll be “discovered” posthumously. Perhaps one of my books will finally start to sell and readers will look for my other writings and find this blog. Of course, I’d rather it happened while I’m still alive but I’m not going to hold my breath.

I’m not writing this so that someone will see it and feel sorry for me. I’ve had a lot of tough breaks in life but never wanted any sympathy. Save that for the really unfortunate souls. I’ve done all right. After all I’ve had good physical health all my life and am enjoying a long and happy marriage and am father to two children I adore. I’m a lucky guy. So no one reads my stuff. There’s far worse fates. Hell, maybe I’m not that good a writer, maybe I don’t deserve to be read. If that’s true it’s not going to stop me from trying.

One other thing about all the writing I do: it’s cathartic. Of course, writing about my being raised by a schizophrenic mother, my struggles with mental illness, my recovery from alcoholism, have been important parts of my emotional well-being. Anyone struggling with demons should write about it. It's really good for you. For me, it's more meaningful if I share it publicly, like on this blog. Who knows? Sharing my stories might help someone.

A lot of what I’ve written on this blog is a record of my life. Something for any grandchildren I might have. There’s a lot about my father (an incredible man) and my aforementioned mother and my life growing up in Berkeley in the sixties. There’s a lot of advice about struggling with depression and other mental health issues too. Plus I’ve written a lot about teaching, including advice to people starting out into the profession. These posts might prove useful to new or aspiring teachers. Some have already read them. 

I also write a lot about films and believe I've provided some interesting insights and observations. Over the years people have watched films based on what I've written here. That's nice.

I also write humor pieces and some of my attempts are actually quite funny. I should think more people would get enjoyment out of them. But what do I know.

One thing that’s often occurred to me is that I’ve done a poor job of marketing my writing, particularly my first novel. Maybe that’ll change with my second and subsequent books but it’s really not my thing. I hate self-promotion. In my youth I twice had sales jobs and brother, I was terrible at it. I couldn’t sell clothes to a naked person in a snowstorm. (I just made that up, any good? Like I’d get an answer….)

Okay so I got to vent. Good for me. Really a matter of “telling it like it is,” as we used to say in the seventies. If you’re someone who’s not me and you’ve actually read this, don’t be shy about making a comment — preferably a nice one. But no pressure. I’m used to the silence.