This is a photo of Olivia Dean even though the post isn't about her because frankly who wants to look at another picture of goddamned Melania Trump
There is a new documentary in theaters called “Melania” about Trumpy’s wife. Word is that it sucks. To give you an idea of how badly it sucks, I’m here providing excerpts from reviews of the film courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes. Enjoy?
All I can say is, no matter who made it, no matter who paid for it, no matter who it's about, "Melania" is a singularly bad movie. I really did give it a fair shake.
An obsequious, ring-kissing portrait of the current US administration, dressed in gauche, glossy reality-TV clothing.
Ratner has accidentally delivered the ultimate chronicle of 21st-century excess and greed, a world of casual yet immense cruelty covered in flop sweat and gold glitter.
It contains nothing: no ideas, no point of view, no tension beyond whether the tailors will be able to properly alter her inauguration turtleneck.
"Melania" plays like a sizzle reel for her post-political (post-spousal?) future career in which she may rouse herself to be a guest judge on a reality competition show.
Quite possibly the least revealing documentary ever made. Even her favorite recording artist seems to be a lie. Did you know she used to be a model?
By the end of “Melania,” a glossy, curiously impersonal, outwardly apolitical portrait of Melania Trump, you are no closer to knowing its famous subject than you were at the start, even after many changes of time, place, clothes and towering high heels.
Melania is shambolic, putrid, pitiful garbage: A brazen, awkward, irredeemable infomercial that ignores truth and scrutiny in favour of performative humility. It’s not just wretched – it’s offensive to the collective intelligence of the human race.
At least Leni Riefenstahl could frame a shot.
It's everything a documentary shouldn't be. Except for the music.
It’s fascinating to see so pure and naked an instrument of graft and propaganda deployed to great effect on an audience happy to lap it up.
No good impression emerges of the former Slovenian model. No bad impression emerges either. Ratner’s film achieves, rather, a sort of passive distance – as you might get by pointing a camera, for close to two hours, at a waterfall or a wheat field.
I have no idea why she was okay with this movie being released, because Brett Ratner couldn’t find the humanity in a funeral. Literally.
I'd rather rewatch January 6th.
Look, Leni Riefenstahl was a terrible person, but at least she had some style. Accused sex pest/confirmed hack Brett Ratner, meanwhile, captures the proceedings with all the flair of an HGTV show.
To say that Melania is a hagiography would be an insult to hagiographies. This is a film that fawns so lavishly over its subject that you feel downright unpatriotic not gushing over it.
I don’t want to blow anyone’s minds here or throw you off your balance when I inform you that the Melania documentary, now in theaters, is terrible.
A documentary that never comes to life. It’s a “portrait” of the First Lady of the United States, but it’s so orchestrated and airbrushed and stage-managed that it barely rises to the level of a shameless infomercial.
The fun’s not infectious and the guests are a nightmare, and two hours of Melania feels like pure, endless hell.
To call "Melania" vapid would do a disservice to the plumes of florid vape smoke that linger around British teenagers.
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