When I spoke to Santa Claus recently (see my full interview with him from last year) he was very clear that Donald Trump was going to get a lump of coal in his stocking. “After all, he loves the stuff so much.” The irony.
Santa went on to say that the government shutdown will not effect work at the North Pole. “We don’t get a dime out of the US Government, not since FDR. The Finnish government gives us a little but we’re pretty much self sustaining.”
I asked Mr. Claus again about how he manages to make it to so many houses in one night. His answer had a lot to do with psychics and thermo dynamics and other scientific mumbo jumbo. He drew some illustrations on a giant chalkboard but it was all Greek to me.
Santa refused to divulge what I’m getting this year although he assured me that — according to his records — I’ve been a good boy. This was a relief.
In other news….
I’ve been off work this week as I will be next week. The complete and total absence of having to ride busses and subways — particularly during rush hour — has been blissful. It won’t be long before I retire from the workforce and will thus be recused from commuting.
I’m minus one of my teeth. In the world of dentistry it is the number ten tooth. It had been loose for awhile and so I made a dental appointment, the day before said appointment it fell out. I was tying my shoes pre work out and the sucker just leapt out of my mouth. I put it in my locker and proceeded to go run nine miles. The dentist couldn’t put it back in because the area’s in bad shape. I’ve “got options going forward” like an implant or a bridge and meanwhile have a hole where good all number ten used to reside. The thing about my “options” is that, even with insurance, they are pricey. I have great health coverage such that last year I had surgery on a foot to pare down an errant bone and it barely cost a nickel. But my dental care is another matter. All I want for Christmas is my number ten tooth.
Running is a temporary cure for depression. It can keep the dark moods away for over 24 hours. This morning I was in the very depths and only the thought of my family kept me from contemplating suicide. But I managed to run eight miles and have since felt terrific. I am working with my shrink on a long term solution to the miseries. It’s a helluva long process and we might wrap it up about ten years after I’m dead. Better late then never.
If you suffer from depression, let people know. Encourage them to check in on you, particularly if you live alone. I have a loving spouse who can always tell if I’m depressed so I’m quite lucky. Not everyone is. Tell anyone you trust. Don’t isolate. If you know someone who suffers from depression, check in with them regularly, particularly if you’ve got reason to believe that they’re suffering. It makes a tremendous difference.
Ya know what the difference between famous and non famous people is? Famous people can talk to other famous people. If you’re famous, people are going to return your calls. If you’re not famous you can 't even get the phone number of famous people and if you do they’re not going to answer or return your call. Think about. If you’re Leonardo DiCaprio and you try to contact Paul McCartney, you’re going to get through to him. If a regular schmoe like me calls Sir Paul….Yeah, right. I have some former students who were on Saturday Night Live together (two as writers one as a cast member) and they got to meet many of their heroes. I’m okay with not being famous but I’d like to meet McCartney and Chris Rock and Martin Scorsese and most of all Rihanna.
It’s been a pretty good year for films and I’ll be publishing my top ten for the year soon. I here have to admit that two of the recent films I saw were in theaters and on Netflix at the same time and I opted to watch them on the latter. This had nothing to do with saving a few bucks and everything to do with avoiding fellow theater goers, far too many of whom ruin the show. There are of course talkers, then there are cell phone abusers, people who rip through their bags to get at food they’ve smuggled in and lastly people who chomp loudly on pop corn or whatever else they’re devouring. All it takes is one idiot. Speaking of idiots…the president of the United States. Am I right, ladies and gentlemen?
No comments:
Post a Comment