The Fifteen Films that Just Missed My Top 100

Hail the Conquering Hero number 101

The premise here is simple. What are my favorite all-time films that did not quite make my list of top 100 motion pictures of all time? I suppose another way of looking at is: what are my 101st through 115th favorite movies? (I was going to pick a top ten but the best I could do was narrow it down to fifteen.)

I thought it worth singling out some films considering how many I have in the “I also love these movies” category that follows my top 100. Astute readers (I’m looking at you Conroy G. Buttlecluck of Winston-Salem, North Carolina) will note that several of these pictures used to be among my top 100 but were pushed out by newcomers. My top 100 is a fluid list with films moving in, out, up and down as I watch them again and re-evaluate or find new ones.

I end this short post with a disclaimer: My top 100 merely reflects my personal favorites and I don’t pretend that any movie is better than any other.

So here’s my next fifteen and yes, they are in order.

1. Hail the Conquering Hero (1944) Sturges

2. Mirror (1975) Tarkovsky

3. The Wild Bunch (1969) Peckinpah

4. Closely Watched Trains (1966) Menzel

5. The Long Voyage Home (1940) Ford

6. Viridana (1961) Buñuel

7. The Match Factory Girl (1990) Kaurismäki

8. Groundhog Day (1993) Ramis

9. Bonnie & Clyde (1967) Penn

10. Investigation of a Citizen Above Suspicion (1970) Petri

11. The Virgin Suicides (1999) S. Coppola

12. The Cranes Are Flying (1957) Kalatozov

13. All the President’s Men (1976) Pakula

14. Hud (1963) Ritt

15. Rashoman (1950) Kurosawa

"Like Countries You Can’t Name" How the Virgin Suicides Explores Males' Enduring Fascination With Women

To most men, women are an enduring and fascinating mystery. A mystery we spend our whole lives trying to unravel. Misogynists turn their perplexity into anger resenting the complications that arise out of their inability to make sense out of women. But for the rest of us women are to be appreciated and admired in large part for how they beguile us.

(For purposes of this discussion we’ll set gender fluidity and non-binary individuals aside for separate discussion.)

Young boys reject females entirely finding them far too strange and unknowable to even consider. But by adolescence when sexual attraction develops, males start a lifetime of curiosity and exploration about these strange creatures who do things like wear dresses, put on makeup and eschew sports. Those girls who don’t wear make up or dresses and do play sports are further wonders: why aren’t they doing what other girls do? 

Women are in control. They often look at us knowingly possessing a strange wisdom we have no access to. Society requires that we  come to them to initiate a relationship and they’re generally happy to make us wait. If truly interested in us and if we can’t see what’s right in front of us, women know how to manipulate us. Women are remarkably adept at getting what they want.

It's been said that "women go to Mars to eat candy bars while men go to Jupiter to get more stupider." Truth. 

I recently read The Virgin Suicides, a brilliant novel by Jeffrey Eugenides and then watched the equally brilliant film from 1999 faithfully based on it directed by Sofia Coppola. (It was Eugenides’ first novel and Coppola’s first film, what great starts to careers!) The story is about five sisters who commit suicide. The youngest goes first and the others follow a year later as a group. Both book and film seem to be about the girls, their family and what might possess five teenage siblings to take their own lives. But on closer examination I think the story is really about the boys who narrate the story and watch the girls from across the street. The boys devote large portions of their days and nights obsessing over, watching, and trying to communicate with the girls. I've seen The Virgin Suicides described as a coming-of-age story. It is the boys who come of age.

The story is told decades after the girls have died: the boys, now men, still see one another and still discuss and even argue about the sisters. There’s nothing like suicide to deepen the mystery of what makes a person tick. When there are five suicides the mystery is that much deeper. 

This is also a story about yearning. The boys yearn to understand the girls, to help them, protect them, to possess them and — though it’s unspoken — to make love to them. They ache as they watch the girls and they ache decades later to think of them.

An important element of the story is the sisters’ repressive parents who limit their daughters' social interactions to heavily chaperoned parties or dates watching TV with the rest of the family. When one of the girls (played by Kristen Dunst in the film) stays out until the wee hours after the homecoming dance, they are all pulled out of school and their rock albums are destroyed. They are prisoners. Obviously this does more harm than good and likely hastens the girls’ destinies. 

Of course the parents are bereft at the loss of their children but more than that they are stunned, overwhelmed by the enormity of an incomprehensible loss. Whether they accept any culpability in the mass suicide is left to the reader/audience to ponder.

In the book the boys pursue the mystery of the suicides well into adulthood. Not their years in college, their jobs, their marriages, or their children have stood in the way of their obsession.

It can be like that. Females take up a tremendous amount of space in men’s brains. 

What is she thinking?

What did that look mean?

Why did she say no?

Why did she say yes?

Why on Earth does she like him?

What does she do up in her room?

What do they talk about?

Does she like sex, does she think about?

What does she think of me?

What does she look like naked?

It sometimes seems a miracle to a man that a woman he likes finds something to like about him. If this progresses to love…well, that’s an incredible gift and the smart ones among us are eternally grateful beyond words. That we so often find ways to sabotage our relationships with women is a sad commentary on the male ego and masculine-based stupidity.

Part of what makes the Virgin Suicides work is that the boys respect the girls yet don’t put them on pedestals. They see them as wondrous creatures, a gift from the heavens. Any tidbit of information they can learn is cherished as helping forge an understanding of why the girls are so compelling.  They don’t objectify the girls — a cardinal sin that men are forever committing. Yes, they’re pretty, but they are even more distant than most girls, even more inaccessible. The brutal finality of their deaths means that they are forever out of reach, rendered topics of discussion and not people to have and to hold and to understand and to a life share with. 

We do love a good mystery.

I’ve been on this planet for a long time and I barely understand women anymore now than I did when I was a teenager. I’ve accepted that such is the way of the world and content myself that I know what I need to. The Virgin Suicides serves as another mechanism through which to explore this mystery. I’m grateful for that.

I See a New Film Then Have a Chat With My 18-Year-Old Self

Maisy Stella and Aubrey Plaza in My Old Ass

Last week I saw an unfortunately titled film called My Old Ass, a recent release directed by Megan Park. Despite its title I quite enjoyed it. Aubrey Plaza is the lone “name” attached to the picture and she has precious little screen time. But she makes the most of it and it is obvious that Ms. Plaza has developed into a star and more importantly an important actress; if she’s not at top of her profession she doesn’t have far to go. My Old’s lead is a young lady named Maisy Stella and we should get used to that name because based on this performance she’s going to be gracing the big screen for years to come. The role called for an absolute darling and one with a very free and inquisitive spirit. Ms. Stella delivered.

My Old Ass is about an eighteen-year-old getting set to leave the family farm for the big city. While tripping on magic mushrooms she is paid a visit by her thirty-nine-year old self (Plaza). Insights, conversations, wit and wisdom all ensue. One of the highest possible accolades you can bestow upon a movie is that it got you thinking. My mind was awhirl before the picture ended, thinking about my wife and what a great love we’ve had and I was nearly in tears. 

In addition to it’s other charms, My Old Ass features The lakes of Muskoka, Ontario, Canada as a gorgeous co-star.

Naturally the film got me thinking of what kind of conversation I would have with my eighteen-year-old self. I thought it might go something like this…..

Hey kid. I’m you in the future.

I got old.

Beats the alternative.

This is really weird.

I’ve got advice for you.

Cool.

You’re going to be making a lot of mistakes and I wanted to help steer you away from them.

What kind of mistakes?

An endless variety. First of all you’ve got to be nicer to people.

I’m nice.

Superficially. Let me put it to you this way, think of how your actions affect other people. Always. Be thoughtful and considerate at all times. The merest comment, the slightest action can impact another person. And don’t be so selfish. Keep that ego in check.

Okay.

Another thing,  I don’t know if it’ll do any good to say this -but you should be careful with drugs and alcohol. 

I love to drink.

No kidding. Look you’re an addict and alcoholic. Fortunately you’ll end up in AA and will spend most of your life clean. But be careful with the stuff in the meantime. Some bad shit happens when you’re high.

Do I get hurt or something?

Not seriously but you’ll do a lot of things that will make you feel bad and some of which you wont remember the next day. Try to think of hangover as your body telling you that what you did the day before was not good for you.

All right. But lemme ask you, do I get married? Do I fall madly in love with someone who falls in love with me?

Yes, you’ll be very happy in that respect. 

Cool. 

You’re going to be lucky in life but things could go a lot smoother if you take my advice.

What else?

Be careful with money. You tend to spend it right away. It’s part of this general live-for-today ethos you have. You’ve got to think about the future more. I mean it’s fine to live in the present but especially when you’re young you should be looking ahead too. What am I going to be doing in a year, in five years, in ten years? You’re kind of a hedonist. Here’s something related: take school seriously. You don’t get off to such a great start in college, pretty soon booze and girls become far more important. Learn to balance things.

Makes sense.

You’ve got a lot going for you. You’re talented in several areas. You’re likable. Girls find you cute. You’re funny as hell and always will be. You’re smarter than you realize. You’re a good athlete. You’re a good writer. You’ve got gifts. Don’t waste them by fucking around all the time. And about writing, work at everyday. Working at things is key.

I like to have fun.

Who doesn’t? But like I said, you need balance.

What happens with Dad?

He’ll be fine and live a long mostly happy life. Be extra nice to him.

How about Mom?

That’s been rough on you and will continue to be, there’s just no getting around that. You’re going to spend a lot of time working through the damage.

Shit.

It’s the reality. I wish I could help you.

It doesn’t sound like I become famous.

I don’t know if you can change the course of your life but I’ll tell you this, to be famous you need a plan. Start with this: what am I going to be famous for? When you decide, work towards it. Here’s some advice that you give others later in life: the bad news about life is that in order to succeed you have to work hard, the good news about life is that in order to succeed all you have to do is work hard.

So it’s all about hard work.

Yup. Something you’re ill-suited for but you’ve got to do it.

I look in pretty decent shape for an old guy.

In middle age you start really taking care of yourself. Do yourself a favor and never stop working out or exercising or playing sports and get off the junk food early. When you get sober, stay away from sodas.

This is a lot to take in.

Yeah but the thing is, you’re up to it. Don’t sell yourself short. Sometimes you lack self-confidence. Back yourself to do better, to be better. You’ll be fine, kid.

I hope if I’m dreaming or something I remember all this.

Me too. Good luck.