Who Cares if You're Stupid Kid is an Honor Student and Other Musings

It’s my 37th anniversary of being a father. Of course rather than celebrating this remarkable feat all the attention is on my oldest daughter as this also happens to be her birthday. Whatta gyp.

I’m proud to be the father of two daughters. I was tempted here to use an adjective in front of daughters such as “remarkable” or “amazing” or “wonderful” and while they are all true they all seem trite and like cliche.s I’m here reminded of a placard I saw the other day on someone’s lawn. It announced that this was the home of a an honors graduate from the local high school. What are we meant to do? Genuflect? Bumper stickers announcing that a child is an honor student also can be seen. It seems a weird sort of flex. It’s really no different than stopping strangers on the street and telling them about your child’s accomplishments. We don’t know your goddamned kid so why are we supposed to care? As a matter of fact if I knew the kid I probably wouldn’t care that much. No disrespect to the child but being an honor student isn’t that huge a deal. Class valedictorian maybe. Earning a Phd, sure, being a Rhodes scholar, tell me more. But a fucking honor student in high school? So what. My oldest was an honor student and I don’t recall telling anyone beyond her grandparents. (Youngest blossomed later.)

A lot of parents probably feel that their child’s accomplishments reflects well on them as parents. They do. Therefore many parents are really bragging about themselves and not their kids. See what a great parent I’ve been? Get over yourself.

I understand being proud of your child’s deeds but broadcasting that seems gauche. It’s like how Americans are forever saying “this is there greatest country in the world.” (Well, not so much since Trumpy’s re-election.) It bespeaks a certain insecurity and is a really bad look.

(Time now for an abrupt change of subject.)

This morning (after I wrote the preceding bit and before I wrote this bit.) I texted my wife the following: 

Students are working silently on something from the book. I’m reminded of when I was little and my cousin was visiting and we’d been playing. It was his nap time so I had to kill time before his nap was over and we could play again. I want the students to finish the reading just as I wanted my cousin to finish his nap.

I suppose this bespeaks the love I have for teaching. I especially love   the constant interacting with students. Occasionally when they are silently writing, reading or doing some other task I’m quite happy and relieved as I need a break. Other times I’m happy and relieved because I need the time to prepare something for them or to grade papers. But today was an instance where I wanted to “keep playing.” You may think that makes me weird but it’s who I am as a teacher. One of the reasons I enjoy classroom interaction is because I’m so good at managing it. I make it both fun and educational. Students feel comfortable with me because they can tell I know what I’m doing and that I have their best interests at heart. They enjoy class while improving their English. People learn better when they’re happy and they’re happier when they’re engaged and when they’re “in the hands” of a professional who knows what they are doing. Having a sense of humor is also integral to this. Laughter relieves anxiety and makes the medicine of grammar go down easier.

It’s a damn fun job and oh by the way all of my students are honor students and if you want I’ll make a placard to that effect.

My Top 30 Films From 1925-1949 (Last of a Series)

Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell in His Girl Friday

Regular readers of this blog (I'm looking at you Geronimo O'Hara of  Narragansett, Rhode Island) will recall that three months ago I published a list of my top thirty films from the first quarter of this century. I followed that two months ago with my top thirty from the preceding twenty-five year period (1975-1999) and last month with my favorites from 1950-1974  This month I offer my top picks from 1925 through 1949. You're welcome. You will note several directors combine to dominate this list. There are four movies from Alfred Hitchcock, three from Preston Sturges and two each from John Ford, Howard Hawks, Charlie Chaplin and Frank Capra. So those six provide half the films here. Cary Grant, Joseph Cotton and Humphrey Bogart are each in three films, as is the despicable John Wayne. Ward Bond appears in a supporting role in three films and if I'd expanded the list to fifty he would have been in four or five more. But John Qualen tops that being in four pictures on this list. Among women Barbara Stanwyck and Ingrid Bergman are both in two films.

1.His Girl Friday (1940) Hawks

2. Duck Soup (1933) McCarey

3. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939) Capra

4. Casablanca (1942) Curtiz

5. The Grapes of Wrath (1940) Ford

6. Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) Huston

7. Foreign Correspondent (1940) Hitchcock

8. Sullivan’s Travels (1941) P. Sturges

9. Shadow of a Doubt (1943) Hitchcock

10. Rome: Open City (1945) Rossellini

11. It’s A Wonderful Life (1946) Capra

12. The Third Man (1949) Reed

13. Holiday (1938) Cukor

14. City Lights (1931) Chaplin

15. The Big Sleep (1946) Hawks

16. All Quiet on the Western Front (1930) Milestone

17. My Man Godfrey (1936) LaCava

18. Red River (1948) Hawks

19. Stagecoach (1939) Ford

20. The 39 Steps (1935) Hitchcock

21. The Gold Rush (1925) Chaplin

22. Citizen Kane (1941) Welles

23. Double Indemnity (1944) Wilder

24. The Lady Eve (1941) P. Sturges

25. Notorious (1946) Hitchcock

26. Bicycle Thieves (1949) De Sica

27. Hail the Conquering Hero (1944) P. Sturges

28. The Long Voyage Home (1940) Ford

29. The Big Parade (1927) Vidor

30. A Canterbury Tale (1944) Powell and Pressburger

My Short Exciting Perilous Time With The Folk Sensations "The Travelers"

If you’ve been in a theater recently you’ve probably seen a trailer for a documentary called, “Rainbow Microphone: The Short and Fantastic History of the Travelers.” The Travelers, for the few of you who might not know, was a one of folk music’s biggest acts from 1963-1967. I should know because I was a member. 

The documentary somewhat sensationalizes our brief history though in fairness that short, wild ride doesn't need a lot to spice it up. 

The group came together at Chuck Nunley’s house one early Spring afternoon in 1963 and within a few weeks we were playing at the Purple Onion in San Francisco and by the end of the year had appeared at the Newport Festival and on the Ed Sullivan show. Our mercurial rise was possible because Chuck, a veteran of the folk scene mostly as part of the legendary group The Amblers, was good friends with Cy Goldfarb, the super agent of folk music. Cy saw something in us. We had a special sound that was unique in the folk music world. Our songs all told stories but with verve and energy often missing in traditional sometimes staid folk music. 

In addition to Chuck the Travelers were composed of his wife Kitty, my then girlfriend and current wife Rachel Ann Clack and little ole me.

Rachel Ann and I had befriended Kitty in high school. She was a student teacher and we were seniors at the time. She had us over to the house one afternoon for a barbecue. I brought my guitar and Rachel Ann her banjo. Chuck got out his bass and we started to play and sing some folk standards like Yellow Dog Beatdown, Road to Utopia and The Answer My Friend. Chuck knew Kitty could sing a bit and had thought of recording and touring with her but what really blew him away was us two kids and how well we played and harmonized with Kitty. The following weekend we played for Cy and the next thing we knew we were on the road, prom and high school graduation would have to wait.

In the Fall when Rachael Ann and I were supposed to be starting college we were in a recording studio putting the finishing touches on our debut album, “Travelin’ With the Travelers.” We covered a few standards but Chuck had also written us original songs like: Flattop Blues, Suburb Morning, When Willie Ran Away and Love Spiral. Love Spiral was our first single and it went platinum. 

We spent most of 1964 on the road. We had gigs everywhere. I believe we played in 35 different states and sixty or so cities. We ended the year with a brief European tour. They loved us in England. For eighteen-year-olds like Rachael Ann and myself it was a dizzying, amazing experience. We played to sold out auditoriums before adoring crowds. Needless to say there were groupies. This ended up being a cause of friction between Rachael Ann and I. We’d been childhood sweethearts dating since the seventh grade. But women were throwing themselves at me and I occasionally succumbed to their advances. Occasionally, hell, I couldn’t resist. Rachael Ann would be hurt and furious in equal measure. There was worse to come.

We had a special sound that fans loved. Chuck was the mastermind, writing, composing and arranging. Kitty did the lead vocals and played tambourine. Rachael Ann with her banjo and me with my guitar provided the instrumentals and background voices. We blended like a perfect recipe. 

Meanwhile the money was pouring in. I’d been raised in a lower middle class family with usually no more than a nickel in my pocket. I don’t know how much we made that first year but it was enough to buy my parents a house and a car and set aside a college fund for my kid sister, Leena. It was also enough to buy seemingly anything I wanted. Rachel Ann and I ate at five and even six star restaurants every night. I bought tailored suits, a sport cars and threw money around at clubs like it was going out of style. I didn’t save a penny.

So what happened? Why did we go from the heights of fame to total obscurity in just under four years? The simple answer is internal squabbles. I was cheating on Rachael Ann with virtually any skirt that came along so she began shagging our equipment manager Ross. Kitty had on and off affairs with everyone from Bob Dylan to two-thirds of the Kingston Trio to Johnny Cash. Chuck and Kitty had terrible fights about her infidelity while Rachel Ann and I would go through long periods when we wouldn’t talk to each other. Kitty and I began to drink heavily and do drugs and before you knew it her and I were sleeping together. This led to Kitty and Rachel Ann refusing to talk to one another and Chuck being angry at me. I wasn’t angry at anyone because I was always too high to care.

The tension started to affect our performances. It was easier to harmonize when we were all living in harmony. Our performances were stilted. It was like four strangers having been thrown together and told to perform. You’ll see in some of the footage of our later concerts that Chuck would sometimes stop playing and simply glare at Kitty or I. You’ll also note Rachel Ann elbowing me when we shared a microphone. On top of that both my singing and picking fell off dramatically because of all the drug use. Same with Kitty whose voice grew raspy from all the whiskey she was drinking.

By 1966 we were no longer headlining anywhere. We were reduced to an opening act. We didn’t get any more TV gigs and before you knew it we were playing at county fairs. 

The final straw was when on successive days Rachel Ann caught me in bed with Joni Mitchell, Joan Baez and Mary Travers. She left the group. I was crushed, for despite my myriad dalliances I was still madly in love with Rachel Ann. Then Chuck filed for divorce and kicked Kitty out. She went into rehab. Chuck and I thought about finding another lead singer and continuing the act but I wanted no more to do with show business.

After insisting that I’d mended my ways, Rachel Ann took me back. I’ve been both faithful and sober ever since.

Kitty got sober too and had a successful career as a solo act. Chuck turned to producing and concert promotion and did quite well for himself.

Sometimes I miss being a celebrity. It was a helluvan adrenaline rush to perform before thousands of adoring fans. The money was incredible too. But I wasn’t made for that life. Rachel Ann and I have been better suited to farming which we’ve done now for most of our lives. We’ve raised a big family, seven children, three of whom were adopted. 

I haven’t seen Chuck since the act ended but we recently went to one of Kitty’s performances on her farewell tour. Rachel Ann and I went backstage and had a fine time chatting about old times with Kitty.

I’m grateful for my short and exciting time as one of The Travelers. It was fun being interviewed for the documentary. Life takes you to all kinds of places if you’re willing to pay for the ride.

I Have a Not So Spicy but Mature Encounter with an Adult Hookup Website

Fascinating. Well to me it was anyway. I had no idea. I knew that there must be a lot of lonely women of all ages out there, many of who were solely interested in sexual hookups, but the breadth and depth of it all was, to me, staggering.

I switched over from a Yahoo account to Gmail about seven years ago (one of my wiser choices) but I still occasionally visit the Yahoo account to see if something has accidentally turned up there. It’s been a year, maybe two, since someone sent anything to that account but I make periodic checks nonetheless. I note that despite not having used the account for so long it’s still chock full of emails, 100% of which are junk. I quickly delete everything and get on with the rest of my life. However recently I saw something that piqued my interest. It was an ad for a website called Spicy Mature Encounters. I checked it out.

Why did I check out a website that is clearly designed to facilitate adults meeting one another for sex? Good question. First of all it is totally unrelated to my marriage which is soon to reach the 38-year mark. That marriage does not feature any cheating by either party. Simply not interested. No, I was simply curious. What I saw probably shouldn’t have surprised me but it sure did.

First of all I had to register to see anything at all. I offered as little information as possible and did not include a profile pic. I accidentally gave my age as ten years younger, making me 61 (the good ole days). I then “checked out” the offerings.

I limited my search to women who were roughly in my age group. Though I later included younger women, again out of curiosity. The women I saw came in all sizes, shapes and colors. There were two pictures of each women. Most had one that revealed their breasts or more and one in which they wore clothes. Some women were more modest. I was surprised to note that a few women had photos of their vagina and nothing else. In others naked women sat spread eagled. Seemed a little over the top and frankly not very classy. Maybe they think it will indicate how serious they are.

What also struck me was the little bios they provided. Most women were quite graphic about what they wanted and I’ll leave it to your imagination to guess what. Some wanted to provide oral favors, others wanted to receive them, a few wanted both. Some wanted to “do it” outdoors, at least one in a car, one in a swimming pool. Many women professed that they were quite randy and complained that they hadn’t had “it” in a long time. Some of these complainers were married or living with someone. Yes, the site teemed with cheaters. In most cases women were their specifically to have their sexual desires met though some indicated that they wouldn't mind a relationship blossoming. 

There was something quite odd about extremely normal looking women baring their breasts and expressing their desires. It's not what one sees in popular culture. In films it is almost always the beautiful young people who are getting it on. Older people having sex is fodder for comedy. 

But adults of all ages have sexual desires. Sex is exciting. It makes us feel wanted. Fulfilled. It creates a connection. It can make older people feel young again. Sex is good for the soul. Sadly, there are a lot of lonely or sexually unsatisfied people in the world. It can be a huge void in your life to "not be getting any." Poor darlings.

But was it all real? And were all these women really near me? Presumably, based on the criteria I established in signing up, they were all either in my city or close by. Are there that many horny women walking around?

But the shocking part to me was the messages I received. Lots and lots and lots of them. (Had I wanted to respond I couldn’t have because to send messages costs money and brudder, it ain’t cheap.) Again women of all kinds were messaging me, I who had virtually nothing in my profile and no photo. They wanted to know if I’d like to chat. They wanted to know if I’d like to meet. They wanted to know if I could come over tonight to…..Let’s say, go all the way. They acted excited by my mere presence. And these messages were not just coming from my “desired” age group, I got them from women in their thirties, their twenties and one who was nineteen! Attractive young women soliciting sex from someone who was forty years their senior? What the hell? And many of the younger women suggested we get together as soon as I could come to their place. Really?

Now I really wondered if all of these women were on the level. I also — I suppose quite naturally — wondered what it would be like for me if I was single. Would I really have dozens and dozens of women offering to go to bed with me? Sounds to be good to be true. Is it?

I did a little sleuthing on ye olde internet and discovered the answer to my question is a definite: maybe, kind of, sort of.

There was very little specific about the particular site I visited but I learned that in general there are plenty of legitimate women looking for love and there are also plenty of bots. From my reading I guessed that a lot of the younger women who messaged me were bots and most of the older ones were not. Scams exist but so do people desperate to get laid.

I had mixed feelings about my time with the site. For one thing I felt like I was cheating on my wife despite the fact that I had no interest in meeting or even chatting with any of these women. But it felt wrong nontheless. I also felt that I was leading women on just by being there. They assumed that I was someone looking for a romantic evening. I gathered that there were a lot more women looking than there were men available, at least among those people above fifty.

The experience made me a little sad. To realize that there are so many women whose needs are not being met. Many were widowed or divorced while others were with men who couldn’t fill their needs. It’s got to be one helluva lot harder to meet someone when you’re sixty-five.

If the site is totally legitimate then they’re providing some hope for women (I noted how women used the word “hope” a lot and seemed so desperate to meet someone). This is a good thing and I wish them all well. Sorry I can’t be of service ladies, I’m spoken for.

Coda: After two days I deleted my account.

Back by Popular Demand It's Films I've Watched Lately Some of Which I Loved Greatly

Walkabout

Moonstruck (1987) Jewison. Cher was brilliant and Olympia Dukakis top notch. But the rest of the cast — oh my —- talk about overacting. Director Norman Jewison tended to get broad performances in his films in this is a classic example. It’s amazing that Cher was so wonderfully restrained and I suppose if you care about Oscars, here's was well-earned. But Moonstruck is more notable for slapstick sitcom level acting from the likes of Nicolas Cage, Vincent Gardenia and Julie Bavasso. A different director could have taken the same script and made a more realistic, more believable and more compelling film. Jewison’s version felt like a case of a lot of people trying too hard. As love stories go it's terribly unconvincing. This was my first viewing since the film came out. It’ll be my last.

His Girl Friday (1940) Hawks. My favorite film. Period. It’s perfect. It’s hilarious. It’s smart. It’s innovative. It’s good some points to make (about politics and the press). It’s as perfectly-paced a movie as has ever been made. It’s got Cary Grant in one of his greatest performances (along with Mr. Lucky, Notorious and Talk of the Town). Rosalind Russell was far from the first choice to play Hildy, indeed they’d gone through most of the women in actor’s equity before “settling for” Mr. Russell. They couldn’t have done better. (That’s the kind of luck you need to make something this good.) As always in pictures from Hollywood’s Golden Age the supporting cast is crucial and here they came through with flying colors. I especially take notice of the cynical, world-weary newsmen played by Regis Toomey, Porter Hall, Frank Jenks and Roscoe Karns. And Billy Gilbert deserves plaudits for stealing his two scenes as the governor’s messenger, Joe Pettibone. His Girl Friday is like the Beatles, everything came together at the right time and right place and you can’t imagine it being any better.

The Magnificent Seven (1960) J. Sturges. Not really so magnificent. Of course I loved it when I was kid, the presence of Steve McQueen was enough to make to great picture in my mind. It was based on Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai which is to say it was re-imaging a classic. But it was ultimately a poor imitation. It would have been infinitely better if the Mexican villagers were allowed to speak Spanish, I mean beyond an occasional señor and gracias. All but one of those characters were cardboard cutouts. And speaking of one-dimensional characters, there were Eli Wallach and the the rest of the bandits. They were about as menacing as Yosemite Sam. And why is that the bad guys in movies back then happily ran towards gun fire? Even McQueen couldn’t save this picture. For one thing this was not the Mr. Cool we later got to know in movies such as The Great Escape and Bullit. Yul Bryner, James Coburn, Robert Vaughn and Charles Bronson were all wasted by a script that allowed for no real character development.  

Stardust Memories (1980) Allen. One of Woody’s best which is saying a lot in itself. I have no idea how many times I’ve watched the film since I saw it in Boston upon its original release. But I do know that I’ve enjoyed every viewing. I recall that some critics were miffed by how it seemingly poking fun at them. Evidence of their own thin skins and an ability to dish it out but not take it. Woody was clearly having fun spoofing everyone including himself. No one would make such a film who didn’t deep down appreciate his fans. No one would make such a film who was not introspective and thoughtful. No one would make such a film who wasn’t a comic genius. 

Walkabout (1971) Roeg. I’ve been watching Australian films on the Criterion Collection lately and though there’ve been a few misses, I’ve discovered several classic such as Picnic at Hanging Rock, My Brilliant Career and this film. Director Nicolas Roeg didn’t make much and even less that I’ve enjoyed but my goodness he hit it out of the ballpark was this look at a young brother and sister stranded in the Australian outback, ultimately finding a teenaged aborigine to guide them. It’s as beautifully shot a film as you’ll ever see and a masterclass in direction (how is it that Roeg didn’t do this more often?). It's meditative, original and a wonderful commentary on how modern culture isn't necessarily the best culture.

Action in the North Atlantic (1943) Lawson. Of course I like this picture. It honors the merchant marines serving in World War II. Though he later joined the army, my father was a merchant marine serving in World War II. He was at the helm of a ship that was torpedoed in the Arabian Sea by a Japanese submarine. So North Atlantic honors men like my dad who risked their lives to transport goods and weapons to the allies during the war. North Atlantic is — especially for a film of its era — a realistic account of what it was like to navigate seas swarming with enemy submarines. The cast is led by Humphrey Bogart and that’s a great start right there. Raymond Massey and regular supporting players like Alan Hale, Dane Clark and Sam Levene also feature. This film is one of many made during the war that was designed as war time propaganda. Like some it managed to both rally the Homefront and tell a rollicking good story.