Important News, Notes, Reminders and Announcements from Your Friends at Streams of Unconsciousness

Dramatic scenes from last year's fox hunt. 

Welcome to another edition of news and notes from Streams of Unconsciousness headquarters. A lot has been going on and a busy few months are ahead especially as restrictions loosen now that more and more people have been vaccinated. As a service to our readers, here are some important reminders and announcements.

Events:

The annual Streams of U fox hunt will be held on Saturday July 31 as scheduled. We’re expecting a record turnout. Look out foxes!

The date of next month’s hula hoop jamboree has been moved from August 11th to the 13th, mark your calendars!

Exciting news about the September square dance. Former presidents Carter, Clinton, Bush and Obama will all be in attendance (ex-prez Trump declined our invitation even though we did not proffer one). Be there or be square — dance!

Update: we will be holding our first-ever Uncle-nephew three-legged race during this Saturday’s picnic, a few slots are still available.

From the Gift Shop: 

We again have all children’s sizes in stock for our sweatshirts, tee shirts, rain ponchos and boxing gloves. All, of course, feature the Streams of U logo.

All of our stores are currently out of the following items: commemorative tea spoons, extra large dildos, Streams of U decaf French Roast and bullwhips. However, we expect to have all these items in stock by the end of this month. We apologize for any inconvenience.

New in stock are our 2022 calendars. Every month features a different Streams of U staffer — whether male or female — in a thong bikini. Don’t miss out, the calendars tend to sell out before the end of the year.

Good news: we now have Streams of U gas masks and bazookas in blue, green and red along with the traditional grey and green.

Personnel Moves:

Lonnie Appledumpling in accounting has passed away. We wish Lonnie the best of luck in the after life.

New to our accounting department is Lonnie’s son, Rex. Welcome aboard, young man. Do your dad proud, young fella.

Celeste in shipping is now Celeste in sales. That’s right, Celeste Grunch-Couplet, who started as an intern back in 2012 is now in our sales department. Way to go!

We brought aboard two dozen summer interns last month and have been keeping them all busy. They hail from such diverse universities as Harvard, MIT, The Amish Institute ROTC, Andy Dick Community College and the Kukla, Fran and Ollie Day Care Center in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.

Lyle Stuyvesant in Research and Development has announced his retirement effective at the end of September. Join us in wishing him well and while you’re at it, wish us well in finding a replacement to fill those size ’18 shoes.

Food and Drink:

Our cafeteria is now offering early bird specials for dinner from 3:30-5:00. All such meals are ten per cent off.

Our head chef, Bertha, suggests keeping an eye out for our daily Blue Plate Specials. (The creamed corn, chicken pot pie and tossed salad combo is said to be delish.)

The bar and grill is now offering lines of cocaine for $20 each. The perfect way to relax or get hyphy.

The World of Sports:

We’re proud of our polo team which remains undefeated (hope I didn’t just jinx them) and has clinched it’s fourth league title in seven years! Way to go, guys and gals!

Remember, our staff sumo wrestling tournament gets underway next Monday at 10:00 am in the Streams of U Pavilion. It goes on all week. Drop by!

Lastly, the Streams of U dressage club starts practicing on the first of August. Spectators always welcome.

Want more? Become a premium Streams of Unconsciousness subscriber and receive the weekly reminder via email or regular mail. Only $20 a month! Other benefits include discounts at the gift shops and all Streams of U eateries, and exclusive content and behind-the-scenes looks.

A Variety of Topics are Here Explored Including Sales, a Bad Principal, A Golf Ball, Injustice for Woody and Vertigo

Jimmy Stewart and Kim Novak in Vertigo

I got an email this morning from The New Yorker informing me that today is my last chance to save 50% on a subscription during their flash sale. Within a few days they'll be sending me an email about yet another opportunity to subscribe at a reduced rate followed by notifications that this sale is soon expiring. Then there'll be another sale, and eventually another. The New Yorker is not alone in this practice. I'd love to be able to subscribe to The New Yorker but that would require a move toward the twenty-eight hour day or the nine day week (28/9 would replace 24/7). There's not enough time to read all the books I have waiting for me or to re-read all the ones I want to revisit and I'm barely scratching the surface of the New York Times that I receive daily.

Speaking of 24/7, when I was teaching middle school we had, for a time, a very bad principal of whom it was said, "she works twenty-four seven, twenty four hours a week, seven days a month." Given her incompetence -- and propensity for fibbing -- it was a blessing that she was lazy. The more she worked, the more damage she did. This woman, who's name was Michele Patterson, was finally sacked, then went on to another unsuspecting school where she also lasted four years before being shown the door. She'd have been excused for being so woefully inept if she hadn't made matters worse by being malicious.

Here's a fun and true fact about me: I completed a two-year master's program in history in one year and graduated with distinction. (This is not a case of humble bragging because I'm not being humble about it at all.) I was the third person in the memory of the department chair to attempt to complete the program in one year, the other two had barely scrapped by. Me, I was the fifth person in the same amount of time among all master' candidates to graduate with distinction. But there's more. At the time I was a practicing alcoholic. My coursework was so intensive and I had to do so much reading that I had a daily planner in which I would write the number of pages I had to read each day to stay abreast. I almost literally did the same with my drinking, planning my binges carefully and merely getting a buzz at other times.

When I was nineteen I was playing baseball on a front lawn with a group of friends. We had -- as was often the case in those days -- been imbibing. I was pitching and we were using a golf ball in lieu of a a regular baseball or softball, can't recall why. The game ended when a batter drilled a line drive right back at me that hit me square in the chin. An inch higher and I would have lost several front teeth. Higher than that and I would have lost an eye, higher than that would have hit me in the forehead and at the least I would have been knocked cold. As it was I was knocked on my back and needed to go to the emergency room for stitches. I was lucky and I still occasional wince at the thought of what that golf ball could have done.

As people tend to do when they don't die young, I am getting older. So far it's going rather well. I exercise six days a week and walk most days. When restrictions ease I'll be back in the gym. I do the Times crossword puzzle and play Sporcle games, read a lot and perform other activities that will help fend off senility. However my stomach is not taking to aging very well, rebelling more and more against certain foods, usually in the form of acid reflux. One week ago I finally gave up my daily cup of English Breakfast tea replacing it with Lemon Ginger herbal tea. Sigh. I never thought the day would come. When first told I should give up black tea I was defiant. I'd already given up drugs and alcohol, cigarettes, meat, gum and coffee, surely I could hold onto my beloved English Breakfast tea. I am here compelled to report the my stomach has felt much better these past seven days. That being said I'm beginning to imagine a future without pizza, tacos and god knows what other treats. Yikes!

On Twitter I have reluctantly unfollowed virtually all of the accounts who were my allies in supporting Woody Allen against the scurrilous attacks directed at him. I still fervently believe in the great director's innocence against the false charges of child molestation brought by his step daughter who I believe was brainwashed by the odious Mia Farrow. However since the terrible and terribly one-sided documentary on HBO ( a hatchet job) called Allen vs. Farrow, my friends on Twitter have been continually re-tweeting the words of Woody's many detractors (then reputing them) or sharing links to articles defending Mr. Allen. Thus I am constantly reminded of the unwarranted hate being spewed towards this innocent man -- one who I've held in high esteem for over fifty years. I do not need reminders of this pain, of this injustice. I no longer want to think of Woody Allen in terms of the false accusations and lies directed at him. I want to think of him in terms of the many great films he's directed or starred in or both. I want to think of him in terms of his writings, his stand-up career and the fact that he's had a long, successful marriage and raised two adopted daughters who both love him unconditionally. Here is an excellent article that exposes the sham that the recent documentary is and here is an excellent piece by documentarian and long-time Woody supporter, Robert Weide.

As I write this the trial of Derek Chauvin -- who is accused of killing George Floyd  -- is underway. The words open and shut case come to mind. Woe betide the country if the killer cop gets off. There will be riots in dozens of major cities and likely some smaller ones. I'll certainly be tempted to join. At the same time it's important that this not be a show trial. Chauvin, murderous bastard that he is, deserves a fair trial just like any other citizen accused of a crime. But it is impossible -- given what we have seen and know of the case -- to imagine anything but a guilty verdict. Let justice be done though the heavens fall. Actually if justice is NOT done the heavens will fall.

I recently watched a film you may have heard of called Vertigo (1958) Hitchcock. It is generally considered one of the great films of all time and is listed among my top 100. HOWEVER, something really bothered me in this my latest viewing. As he was in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and Bell, Book and Candle, Stewart is too old for the part of John 'Scotty' Ferguson. He was fifty at the time Vertigo was filmed and looked every bit of it. Kim Novak's character, who falls in love with him, is clearly in her mid twenties as Novak was at the time (twenty-five to be exact). I do not mind May-December romances in films, but I don't buy the fact that she falls in love with Scotty. (I don't for a second doubt that Scotty would fall for the girl, I mean she's played by Kim Novak, as great a beauty as ever graced the screen). Her love for him simply doesn't work for me. Still a great film.

Thank you for joining me for this edition of odds and ends. In the future I may experiment with an edition of ends and odds. (Actually as I look back I've never done  anything called "odds and ends" but I have done "news and notes" so I suppose I should be thanking you for joining me this edition of news and notes and saying that I may experiment with notes and news. Now I'm confused. )

News, Announcements and Updates from Streams of Unconsciousness Headquarters

Polo season is nearly here. This photo is from after our season finale last year.

Welcome to another edition of news and notes from Streams of Unconsciousness headquarters. A lot has been going on and a busy few months are ahead especially as restrictions loosen now that the coronavirus vaccine has become readily available. Indeed, that leads directly to our first announcement....

We've received a shipment of the vaccine so members of our nursing staff are standing by available to give you your shot. If you get vaccinated with us you'll receive a free copy of the Streams of Unconsciousness monthly magazine and ten cents off a chocolate malt at our cafe....

We’ll be hosting our annual orgy for the impotent and frigid on Saturday March 27. Volunteers welcome, come lend a hand....

Under our on-going staff re-structuring we’ve been moving our accounting team to the lyceum, while the legal staff will be stationed in the pagoda. Come check them out in their new digs, effective, Thursday....

In compliance with local ordinances we will no longer be holding the annual April cock fighting tournament on Streams of U grounds. We will be texting the now secret location to those interested in the coming days....

Plenty of new items in the gift shop. First though, we’re happy to announce that in addition to the new hoodies and tee shirts in all sizes for both men and women, we've now boast a full supply of Streams of U knit caps, baseball caps, scarves, and letterman’s jackets. New items include meth supplies, switch blades, coke spoons, acetylene torches, ball peen hammers, trawling shackles and coffins, all sporting the Streams of Unconsciousness logo. Remember, premium Streams members receive a fifteen per cent discount on all items in the gift shop....

More staff changes. Gilda Loopner has moved from the receptionist desk to take over deep sea exploration team. She replaces Ty Conderoga who was last seen in the clutches of a giant squid. We wish Ty the best. Also, Gus Crump is moving from custodial services to head our marketing team. We’re sure it’ll be a seamless transition to his new role. Speaking of seamless, our on-staff tailor, Lance Mintz is retiring effective at the end of the month. We’ll be onboarding a recent Harvard graduate, Daisy von Buckmeister to take his place. Good luck Lance!....

We’re proud to announce that the Streams of Unconsciousness Bar and Grill is now fully stocked with premium beers from all over the world and our Opium Den is now replete with brand new couches and cushions. Drop by!...

We will be resuming live concerts every Friday starting in May. First up will be the Moose Jaw Philharmonic Orchestra, always a big hit. Other confirmed acts are The Rolling Stones; Peter Paul, Mary, Jock and Lolita; The Oshkosh Polka King All-Star Band; Beyonce; Chick Cherry’s Chamber Music Ensemble; The Addis Ababa Barbershop Quartet; and The Eastern Saskatchewan Gregorian Chants Society. More to come....

More upcoming events include a bake sale next Saturday with all proceeds going to The Committee for Calendar Reform. And a car wash the following Saturday with all proceeds going to refurbishing our calliope. April 2nd is foot fetishists day, anyone with a foot fetish gets free admission to the Streams Museum....

Stop by every Saturday in May for our Polo tournament. Starting in June we’ll be competing against polo teams from other blogs....

More staff changes: we’ve bolstered our whaling staff by adding more harpooneers, blacksmiths, coopers and ordinary crewmen. Look out whales!....

June 5-11 is Restless Leg Syndrome Awareness Week. Half of all proceeds from Streams of Unconsciousness that week will go to fight this dreaded ailment. Please give generously....

As always we welcome your suggestions, ideas and opinions. Please send them to notarealperson@notarealemailaddress.net.

Also, if you're interested in our Fall internship program contact either Mr. Stan Laurel or Mr. Oliver Hardy at P.O. Box 1928374655 GreenBucket Falls, Mongolia.

Odds and Ends Such as Oh, God! A Long-Ago Date, Polo, Issues With Netflix, Signs You're Stupid, My Next Novel and Advice for Writers

Bob Denver and George Burns in Oh, God!

Last night I watched Oh, God (1977) C. Reiner, a film I’d not seen since it opened in theaters forty-three years ago. Oh, God! stars George Burns as God in something akin to typecasting, given how beloved the comedian was. His co-star was singer Bob Denver in his film debut. Denver read his lines and hit his marks and was not terrible. However Oh, God! would have greatly benefitted from a professional actor in the lead role, someone who would given the character more depth and played off Burns better. Oh, God! is a rare case of a film that I’d call, "cute." Fun to watch and instantly forgotten after. I certainly remembered nothing about it four decades plus after seeing it.

I do recall — if barely — the person I saw it with. Her name was Erin, she was from Baltimore and it was our first and only date. She was cute, with a nice body, short, dark hair, shy, unassuming and companionable. As I recall we had a perfectly nice evening. I’ve no memory why I didn’t pursue a relationship with her, though I seem to remember regretting at it at some point later. I also don’t even remember seeing her around anymore. She was — for what must have been a very short time — a receptionist at the newspaper I worked at. In any case I met the woman I’m currently married to almost exactly one year after my date with Erin. 

Last weekend I watched a film set in England during World War II. One of the main characters was a boy of about ten who wore his hair much longer than any lad did in those days. Several other male characters wore their hair too long for the 1940s as well. If you go to all the trouble of getting period appropriate costumes and sets, is it really any harder to give cast members an appropriate haircut? 

How often have you heard someone say: “I hate good-byes.” Fair enough. But who doesn’t? After all you never hear anyone say: “by golly I love good-byes.” Never. Saying "I hate good-byes" is akin to saying, "I hate getting sick." 

I was enjoying a film the other day when two characters parted with one saying, “meet for breakfast tomorrow?” The other agreed and they went on their way. Bugged the hell out me. When are they going to meet? Six? Eight? Nine-thirty? Would it really bring the movie to a screeching halt if the conversation had been: “meet me for breakfast tomorrow, say about eight?” 

Do people still play polo? I only ever see it in movies from the thirties and forties. I think it should be introduced to inner city schools as a way of keeping troubled youth off the streets. Get about twenty horses, the necessary equipment and a coach and let ‘em have it. I'm counting on you here, President Biden.

Netflix, we need to talk. First of all about this “continue watching thing” — take a hint. If I stopped watching something over two months ago it’s a pretty safe bet that I’m done. I watched the first few episodes of Space Force and by early August decided it wasn’t for me. Yet it remained under the continue to watch label for months after. Did you think I forgot that I’d started it? Do I seem senile to you? When it comes down to it I could do without the continue watching feature entirely. I know what I’ve been watching and I know what I want to continue to watch and what I don’t. Let it go.

This next one goes out to most streaming services: let me finish watching the closing credits without you butting in trying to get me to watch something else. For crying out loud I just completed a two hour movie and you expect me to — without missing a beat — start in on another one? At the very least a person needs to get up and stretch. Even on days when I watch more than one movie I take at least an hour break between them.

And what the hell is the difference between “trending now” “popular on Netflix” and “top ten in the U.S.A?” And am I really supposed to care about “what’s hot?” Because I don’t. I guess there are a lot of people who want to know what “everyone” else is watching so that they can securely feel like part of the masses. I don’t. I watch what I think I’ll enjoy and whether that’s “trending” “hot” or “popular in my area” is of no consequence to me. 

Signs you’re stupid

Ever wonder if you’re stupid? Ponder no more. If any of the following is true about you, then, my friend, you ain’t too bright:

You chew gum loudly

You wear a cowboy hat

You play loud music from your vehicle while driving through quiet neighborhoods

You wear flip flops on cold and/or rainy days

You say or write “anyways”

You watch NASCAR

You think diet sodas are good for you

You ask people, “working hard or hardly working?”

You vape

Okay so how about signs you’re smart? Seems only fair. Here you go.

Signs you’re smart

You read and enjoy this blog

We're approaching the eleven-month mark in the pandemic and I'm beginning to envy characters in movies and TV shows. Watch as they mingle, go to parties, eat in crowded restaurants, take in a ball game. Thanks goodness one can at least watch normal life on the screen. Being avoided and avoiding people while walking has gotten really old.

My second novel is now available on Kindle. When the paperback is issued I'll have an entire post about it. Should be soon.

Meanwhile I completed a first draft of my third novel and have put that aside as I work on my fourth. I'm anticipating interest from major publishing houses and from movie studios. Also anticipating Rihanna asking me out, so....

I close with some advice for writers:

Plan to write everyday. Setting goals is good, such as writing 1,000 words a day.

Read a lot and read a variety of kinds of writing including non-fiction poetry and journalism.

Don't go overboard reading about writing, you eventually reach a point of diminishing returns.

Be observant. Pay attention to your environment, people and how interactions unfold.

Watching good films and TV shows informs your writing as does appreciating other arts such as music and paintings. Find what inspires you.

Write what you know and what you don't know.

Write long first drafts, keep going until you run out of steam and later edit and reflect.

Know your grammar rules

Have fun.

It's Time Again for Streams of Unconsciousness News & Notes, I'm Calling this one, Odds & Edds

 A red panda.

I looked out the window a minute ago and saw a crow walking down the middle of the sidewalk. I’m used to seeing crows walking in the street or or roofs or on lawns or over corpses, but there was something odd about it walking smack down the middle of the sidewalk. Like a goddamned pedestrian.

If you’re in indescribable pain and a doctor asks you to describe it, what do you do?

I can’t be the only one who thinks that the Holy Ghost is badly in need of a better publicist. It’s always God this and God that or Jesus this or Jesus that but when do you ever hear anyone invoke the Holy Ghost except when saying something like, in the name of the father, the son and the holy ghost. Even then sometimes people say “holy spirit.” Maybe the Holy Ghost is lazy.

Aren’t red pandas cute as hell? Why aren’t they more often featured in cartoons? Maybe they need a better publicist too. The fact is they’re endangered. That sucks.

I remember as a kid thinking that all films were shot on location. What mystified me was how they managed to shoot World War II films during World War II in France and other places where battles were taking place. I figured the Nazis must have just let film crews come in. I was a pretty bright kid, but I had some blind spots just like everybody else.

Jacob Blake would not have been shot seven times if he was white. That’s just a fact. This country is racist as fuck.

I drink St. Pauli non alcoholic beer and am starting to develop a crush on the woman on the label. In my defense, she's hot.

I just discovered that Molly Jong-Fast is the daughter of Erica Jong and granddaughter of Howard Fast (hence the last name). Did everyone else know this? I also recently learned that Jason Bateman is married to Paul Anka's daughter.

The missus and I finally watched the mini-series, A Very English Scandal. Cracking good stuff. Again, to prove what an idiot I am, I didn’t realize until after finishing that it was based entirely on actual events. Hugh Grant was brilliant, by the way, and has won my respect. Ben Whishshaw was also very, very good.

Animal facts, lions edition: A lion in the wild usually makes no more than twenty kills a year. The female lion does ninety percent of the hunting.

I could do without ever again hearing the thoughts of sub-humans like Tucker Carlson, Anne Coulter, Tomi Lahren, Aubrey Huff, James Wood, Sarah Palin and Sean Hannity. Sick to death of them and all other racists assholes. Actually you can add Trump and sons to that list.

Word origin (courtesy of the Oxford Royale Academy: The word “quarantine” has its origins in the devastating plague, the so-called Black Death, which swept across Europe in the 14th century, wiping out around 30% of Europe’s population. It comes from the Venetian dialect form of the Italian words “quaranta giorni”, or “forty days”, in reference to the fact that, in an effort to halt the spread of the plague, ships were put into isolation on nearby islands for a forty-day period before those on board were allowed ashore. Originally – attested by a document from 1377 – this period was thirty days and was known as a “trentine”, but this was extended to forty days to allow more time for symptoms to develop. This practice was first implemented by the Venetians controlling the movement of ships into the city of Dubrovnik, which is now part of Croatia but was then under Venetian sovereignty. We now use the word “quarantine” to refer to the practice of restricting the movements, for a period of time, of people or animals who seem healthy, but who might have been exposed to a harmful disease that could spread to others.

I’m really enjoy a podcast I’ve been listening to but the host keeps saying, for example: “the quote unquote dirty secret” rather than, “the quote dirty secret unquote.” Shouldn’t bother me so much but it does.

Here’s a headline from CNN: Yellowstone warns visitors not to get mixed up in elk mating season. I rather think that should go under the category of "it goes without saying." Evidently, however, some people are trying to play Cupid with elk.

Saw this tweet this morning from  @joshgondelman and I'm all about it: "The abbreviations for teaspoon and tablespoon are too similar and NOBODY'S TALKING ABOUT IT!!!!" (Though I could have done with one less exclamation point.)

Collywobbles is an actual word and it means: "sickness or stomach pain from anxiety." Have had a bit of that in my lifetime. In fact our current president is giving much of the country the collywobbles.

It's time once again for me to complain about writers (including some of the best in the world) penning sentences like this: "Bob thought to himself that...." Let's be clear, you can only think to yourself. Perhaps if you're writing science fiction you may have an alien capable of sending thoughts but we're not there yet. Please stop.

Be safe everybody. Wear your masks, social distance, spay and neuter your pets and breeding age Republicans.

News and Notes From Streams of Unconsciousness Headquarters

Photo taken at last night's party celebrating 1,250 posts

Our main office in Moose Jaw Saskatchewan is as busy as ever -- pandemic or no -- as we maintain our commitment to provide the best blog in the solar system. Executive director Reinhold Kadiddlehopper recently issued the following statement:"I'm too goddamned busy to release any goddamned statement."

There's a lot of remodeling going on. We are nearly finished with the museum expansion project. We're sure that visitors will be really pleased with how much more expansive the museum is, how many more displays there are and how spacious the restrooms are. We've also added more amenities to our refreshment stands, cafeteria and the museum shops. 2021 calendars are available for pre-order and we've partnered with Abercrombie & Fitch for a whole new line of tee shirts, sweatshirts, pajamas, caps, girdles and hoop skirts, all featuring the Streams logo. Check them out!

There have been some significant staff changes. Notably we had to let art director Colfax Newbury go after his convictions for bribery, mail fraud, kidnapping, burglary, extortion, jury tampering, espionage, treason and jaywalking. He will be missed. In his place we've brought aboard Gina T a recent graduate of Perksinville High School in Perkinsville, Vermont. We understand that she'll be bringing a lot of energy and enthusiasm to the position as well as months of experience designing school posters. Gina also boasted a B+ in Mrs. Hassleberry's art class. Welcome Gina T!

Another addition to our team is Konstantinos Lao-Ping who'll join our legal staff. A well-respected attorney in Kuala Selangor, Malaysia, Konstantinos speaks seven languages, though none of them our English, we're sure he'll pick the lingo up.

Our custodial staff welcomes Jezebel Inkblot-Jones a recent graduate from MIT. She'll be replacing Cy Sigh who is retiring after 40 years in custodial services. Happy retirement Cy!

Finally we have created a new position. It's long overdue but we are bringing aboard our first exorcist, Father Nigel Goldblum, formerly of the Vatican. I'm sure we'll be keeping him busy, so join me welcoming Father Nigel.

There are big plans for the Fall including a photo series on dilapidated barns, a probing look at the  refrigerator magnet industry and a profile of the prominent Manhattan pretzel vendor, Loki von Hapsburg.

We'll also continue to discuss films. Readers can expect a series of essays on how movies evolved from their rudimentary form in the 16th century to the lavish musicals of Colonial America and film noir in the Antebellum period. We'll also be ranking the best key grips of Hollywood's Golden Age (can't wait) and we'll be interviewing some of the geeks, losers and nerds who look for and publish goofs in films. Perhaps we'll be able to answer the question: what's their deal?

We're also maintaining our commitment to Black Lives Matter, LGBTQ issues and calendar reform (let's return to the more sensible Julian calendar!!!!)

The previous post on Streams was this blog's 1250th, we celebrated the milestone last night with a huge party featuring entertainment by Rihanna, Drake, Taylor Swift, Adam Levine, Ariana Grande, Beyonce, Jay-Z and Sir Paul McCartney. Thanks to all of you for appearing. A good time was had by all. Thanks to our events coordinator Sasha Melba Hyphen for putting on a great bash. The cocktail wienies were a big hit.

The museum will be fully opened on August 14, we, of course, ask that visitors wear masks and social distance. Also, due to the pandemic, the kissing booths will be closed for the foreseeable future. We apologize in advance for any inconvenience.

As always we welcome your suggestions, ideas and opinions. Please send them to notarealperson@notarealemailaddress.net.

Also, if you're interested in our Fall internship program contact either Mr. Bud Abbott or Mr. Lou Costello at P.O. Box 192837465 Crenshaw Falls, Paraguay.

Have a great August everybody and remember to spay and neuter your pets and all voting age Republicans.

Yet Another Edition of News & Notes from Streams of Unconsciousness

From the staff Memorial Day picnic.

Many have you asked and we have listened. We are proud to have recently installed a new and improved calliope on the main grounds here at Streams of Unconsciousness headquarters. You'll hear the improvement.

We have a new hire in our accounting department, we're proud to welcome aboard Wally Bin Laden. Yes, he's kin to the notorious terrorist. In fact, he's Osama's baby brother. Fortunately, Wally does not share his sibling's rather extreme political views. And he hastens to add that, other than a powerful hatred for Western Culture, Osama is "just a regular guy."

Two other recent hires are my nephews Geronimo and Ludwig (I'll hear no charges of nepotism, these are two highly qualified lads). They'll be working in research and development -- or as we call it here, R & D.

Some of you noted that there were no new posts for seven days last week. In answer to the thousands of queries here's the explanation for the absence: I was mauled by bengal tiger while on safari! I'm okay now having applied generous quantities of robitussin to my wounds.

Remember that for only $29.95 a month you can attain a premium membership at Streams of Unconsciousness. Privileges include access to exclusive content, use of the parking lot directly adjacent to the main building, ten per cent discount on all Streams of Unconsciousness merchandise and meet and greats with some of your favorite Streams of Unconsciousness staffers.

The grand opening of the Streams of Unconsciousness museum is scheduled for June 26. Angela Lansbury and Russell Brand will co-perform the ribbon cutting!

Our merchandising department has asked me to let everyone know that Streams of Unconsciousness pink hoodies for ladies are back in stock and we've got plenty in all sizes.

The hospitality suite on the second floor has been refurbished. Check it out next time you're by.

Hey! Have you tried the shrimp scampi in the Streams of Unconsciousness Grotto? Mmmmmm.....

Remember, all summer kids under 12 get in free, if accompanied by an adult.

June 7-13 is Restless Leg Syndrome Awareness Week. Half of all proceeds from Streams of Unconsciousnessthat week will go to fight this dreaded ailment. Please give generously.

Mark this on your calender: August 1 is bobblehead day at Streams of Unconsciousness. The first 30,000 customers that day receive a free bobblehead. Don't miss out!

We've been asked several times where the second anniversary bash was held (see the pics in this post from last month.) It was at the Hyatt Regency Moosejaw, Saskatchewan. It's hard to imagine a more glamorous locale. If you're ever in the area, check it out!

Have a great summer everyone. Remember to drive carefully and give a friend a hug!!!!

More News & Notes from Streams of Unconsciousness

I am spearheading efforts to encourage the Nobel Prize Committee to annually award the best film blog....

Construction is actually ahead of pace on the Streams of Unconsciousness Museum scheduled to open in June. We are pleased to have America's most preeminent civil engineer, Paul Tjogas, attached to the project....

A reminder, please no flash photography! Thank you for your cooperation...

You're all encouraged to wear costumes while visiting this site on Halloween. Best get up wins a prize!....

Congratulations to my imaginary friend Ulrich who recently married his long time partner Consuela. Best wishes to the happy couple....

VIP membership to Streams of Unconsciousness is available at only $29.95. Get access to exclusive content, be taken on special tours and enjoy valet parking. Ask one of our sales reps for details...

Congratulations to the Streams of Unconsciousness staff rugby team which defeated the defending champs from Luigis's Classic Golden Age Oldie Film Blog, 36-17 last week. That's a photo from the match above.....

I'm again offering my services to mediate the ongoing feud between Millie from ClassicForever and Kate of Silents and Talkies. Too much blood has been shed and property damage in the millions is unacceptable. You two have got to find some common ground and I'm reaching out to help....

Please, while reading Streams of Unconsciousness, hold your applause until the end of the post....

Congratulations to our September Employee of the Month, Elspeth over in customer service. You go girl!....

The boys in research and development are working on making an audio version of all posts, it should be available soon. Details to follow....

Hey, while you're here why not visit our new Fisherman's Grotto? The all new menu includes Carp, Yellow Coaker, Eel, Grouper, Hake, Grey Mullet and Piranha, along with all your regular favorites, all grilled to perfection....

Per your many, many requests the gift shop is now featuring the popular Streams of Unconsciousnesss sweatshirts in children's sizes....

Finally, a shout out to regular reader Tony/Tina recovering from a successful gender re-assignment surgery. You go girl (?).

News & Notes from Streams of Unconsciousness

Construction has begun on the Streams of Unconsciousness Museum. That's a picture from last week's groundbreaking ceremony above. The project is due to be completed by June 2010. The museum will feature priceless artifacts from this blog's distant past. Our crack team of archaeologists have done an amazing job....

The restrooms on the mezzanine level here at Streams of Unconsciousness have been refurbished. Also bidets have been added....

All our gift ships are now fully stocked with the Streams of Unconsciousness women's hoodies in all sizes. Thanks for your patience...

As you may have noticed we've loosened our restrictions on outside food and drink here at Streams of Unconsciousness. However the prohibition on gum is being even more strictly enforced. Please take advantage of our receptacles near all entrances....

Streams of Unconsciousnesshas received another honor, one we're particularly proud of. We've been named the number one film blog at this URL. Thanks to the staff, this award really belongs to all of us....

The Streams of Unconsciousness Cafe now features gourmet hamburgers and veggie burgers. The chef says to check em out. Yummy....

I'll be appearing at Ed's Hardware, Dry Goods, Livery Stable & Bookstore in Moosejaw, Saskatchewan this Saturday from 1-5 signing copies of my latest book: "The Agony, The Ecstasy, the Groupies: Film Blogging in the 21st century." Drop by....

Speaking of books, I'd like to recommend "Great Musicals of the Silent Era" by R.D. Finch and Kate Gabrielle's, "Film Making in Colonial America." Both are fantastic....

Once again I'd like to remind everyone to please spay and neuter their pets!