If Larry had a gun he’d a shot himself sure as shit cause last night he got Debbie Gloucester in bed and couldn’t get it up Debbie Gloucester was the cutest girl in the school by far and Larry’d had a crush on her since 7th grade when he first noticed girls and how come he had no trouble getting it up for Lottie Thomas and Carrie Woodbine the other two girls he’d been to bed with and it would have been so perfect cause that day that very day he’d scored the winning goal to lead North Point to the championship and now they were eligible for state and his being a hero was now wiped out because of a limp dick which was maybe because he was so tired or so excited to be seeing Debbie Gloucester naked and it would be so bad if she told anyone even just one person and Larry felt like his life was over and he was not yet 18 and wouldn’t be for another couple of months but what was the use if he couldn’t take advantage of Debbie Gloucester actually liking him and liking him so much that she’d let him have sex with her.
Larry just laid there in bed feeling the worst kind of awful a whole new level like he’d never known even when his Uncle Frank had died suddenly right in front of everyone at the July 4th picnic last Summer. This was worse not that he didn’t miss Uncle Frank and feel bad for Aunt Helen and his cousins and all but that was just some other guy dying and this was like his world ending and damned it just made it worse that now way later way after when it was too late he was as hard as rock thinking of how he’d been so soft earlier that evening with the actual naked body of Debbie Gloucester and she was so much prettier naked than he’d ever been able to imagine and now she’d probably do it with some other guy some big football player because Larry had blown his probably only chance when he hadn’t realized until the party that very night after the soccer game when they won the championship that Debbie Gloucester had a crush on him like she said she did and boy when she said that he’d gotten good and hard but back in her bedroom it had been a big failure and he never thought it would happen to him at least not until he was really old like the people in the Viagra commercials because he couldn’t even imagine not being hard for some really cute girl like Debbie Gloucester.
It was 3:00 in the morning and Larry couldn’t sleep and wondered if he ever would and would his parents make him do his Saturday chores the day after they’d won the championship because it didn’t seem they really gave a shit oh sure they acted happy but it was that phony kind of adult smile and congratulations and I’m so happy for you that parents are always doing for their kids especially his parents who didn’t seem to give much of a shit about him caring more about his brother Randy in college the asshole cause he was going to get into law school and so they bragged and talked about him and of course his baby sister Leia because she was autistic but doing so well and everyone was so proud of her and Larry guessed that was understandable and all and she was a pretty cool kid especially for someone who had autism but he was the ultimate forgotten middle child plus they heaped so much concern on his cousins Markie Tina and Kayleigh because their dad his Uncle Frank had died last Summer and their poor mom his Aunt Helen was struggling with it so much being depressed and raising the kids on her own and maybe drinking a little too much and everyone was thinking it was soon to be about time she maybe tried to meet someone else as hard as that was with three small kids and all so everyone’s sympathy and pride was in other directions and Larry just got forgotten like now when they gave him their perfunctory congratulations for being the hero of the championship game.
Larry wished there was someone he could talk to about his bedroom failure with Debbie Gloucester but there was no way he was going to admit that to anyone not even his psychiatrist who he’d been seeing for a couple of months since he’d had a couple of panic attacks although Larry didn’t really think he needed a shrink he went anyway and talked anyway because of course his parents were paying for it and they expected it and he did kind of like talking to the psychiatrist even if the psychiatrist barely mumbled in return and maybe he would have to tell the shrink about his failure with Debbie Gloucester as embarrassing as it would be because maybe there was some psychological thing going on that if he knew about he could prevent it from happening ever again and then he’d feel confident and maybe get another chance with Debbie Gloucester of course he could get another chance with her anyway maybe she seemed okay about it not mad or embarrassed or anything probably disappointed but they did kiss a lot and she sure seemed to like it when he kissed and licked her breasts and she said she’d like to see him again so maybe it wasn’t all so bad maybe it would have been her first time and she was nervous anyway after all she’s only a junior and only turned 17 like two weeks ago and maybe everything was all right and Larry should try to get some sleep he could always call Debbie Gloucester in the morning and see how that went and he’d definitely talk to his psychiatrist on Tuesday about what happened more like didn’t happen.
Gradually Larry’s thoughts grew more confused and mixed with fantasy and he fell asleep and his thoughts/fantasies became dreams and he slept very well all the way until 11:00. After a couple of bowl of cereals he called Debbie Gloucester and they had a really nice conversation and she went out of her way to tell Larry not to worry about last night because it would have been a bad idea anyway because they hadn’t had any form of contraception which Larry never thought about until she mentioned in the phone conversation so he was almost relieved that he didn’t get it up and was downright ecstatic when Debbie Gloucester said that they’d have to try it again and she was sure Larry would do just fine and was so glad they had finally connected because she’d had a crush on him for over a year now and when Larry heard that he was over the moon with joy and imagine feeling so awful the night before and contemplating suicide that was just ridiculous and then Larry did his chores and hung out with his autistic baby sister Leia who was pretty cool and talked on the phone with his brother who was going to go to law school next Fall and his parents took him to his favorite Italian restaurant for dinner than they went to see his Aunt Helen and his cousins and that was a nice time and the next day was Sunday and he met Debbie Gloucester in the park and they walked and talked and walked and talked and when they stopped walking and talking they kissed and Larry just knew next time would be different with her.
And it was.