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| Dramatic scenes from last year's fox hunt. |
Welcome to another edition of news and notes from Streams of Unconsciousness headquarters. A lot has been going on and a busy few months are ahead especially as restrictions loosen now that more and more people have been vaccinated. As a service to our readers, here are some important reminders and announcements.
Events:
The annual Streams of U fox hunt will be held on Saturday July 31 as scheduled. We’re expecting a record turnout. Look out foxes!
The date of next month’s hula hoop jamboree has been moved from August 11th to the 13th, mark your calendars!
Exciting news about the September square dance. Former presidents Carter, Clinton, Bush and Obama will all be in attendance (ex-prez Trump declined our invitation even though we did not proffer one). Be there or be square — dance!
Update: we will be holding our first-ever Uncle-nephew three-legged race during this Saturday’s picnic, a few slots are still available.
From the Gift Shop:
We again have all children’s sizes in stock for our sweatshirts, tee shirts, rain ponchos and boxing gloves. All, of course, feature the Streams of U logo.
All of our stores are currently out of the following items: commemorative tea spoons, extra large dildos, Streams of U decaf French Roast and bullwhips. However, we expect to have all these items in stock by the end of this month. We apologize for any inconvenience.
New in stock are our 2022 calendars. Every month features a different Streams of U staffer — whether male or female — in a thong bikini. Don’t miss out, the calendars tend to sell out before the end of the year.
Good news: we now have Streams of U gas masks and bazookas in blue, green and red along with the traditional grey and green.
Personnel Moves:
Lonnie Appledumpling in accounting has passed away. We wish Lonnie the best of luck in the after life.
New to our accounting department is Lonnie’s son, Rex. Welcome aboard, young man. Do your dad proud, young fella.
Celeste in shipping is now Celeste in sales. That’s right, Celeste Grunch-Couplet, who started as an intern back in 2012 is now in our sales department. Way to go!
We brought aboard two dozen summer interns last month and have been keeping them all busy. They hail from such diverse universities as Harvard, MIT, The Amish Institute ROTC, Andy Dick Community College and the Kukla, Fran and Ollie Day Care Center in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.
Lyle Stuyvesant in Research and Development has announced his retirement effective at the end of September. Join us in wishing him well and while you’re at it, wish us well in finding a replacement to fill those size ’18 shoes.
Food and Drink:
Our cafeteria is now offering early bird specials for dinner from 3:30-5:00. All such meals are ten per cent off.
Our head chef, Bertha, suggests keeping an eye out for our daily Blue Plate Specials. (The creamed corn, chicken pot pie and tossed salad combo is said to be delish.)
The bar and grill is now offering lines of cocaine for $20 each. The perfect way to relax or get hyphy.
The World of Sports:
We’re proud of our polo team which remains undefeated (hope I didn’t just jinx them) and has clinched it’s fourth league title in seven years! Way to go, guys and gals!
Remember, our staff sumo wrestling tournament gets underway next Monday at 10:00 am in the Streams of U Pavilion. It goes on all week. Drop by!
Lastly, the Streams of U dressage club starts practicing on the first of August. Spectators always welcome.
Want more? Become a premium Streams of Unconsciousness subscriber and receive the weekly reminder via email or regular mail. Only $20 a month! Other benefits include discounts at the gift shops and all Streams of U eateries, and exclusive content and behind-the-scenes looks.
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