31 July 2020

News and Notes From Streams of Unconsciousness Headquarters

Photo taken at last night's party celebrating 1,250 posts
Our main office in Moose Jaw Saskatchewan is as busy as ever -- pandemic or no -- as we maintain our commitment to provide the best blog in the solar system. Executive director Reinhold Kadiddlehopper recently issued the following statement:"I'm too goddamned busy to release any goddamned statement."

There's a lot of remodeling going on. We are nearly finished with the museum expansion project. We're sure that visitors will be really pleased with how much more expansive the museum is, how many more displays there are and how spacious the restrooms are. We've also added more amenities to our refreshment stands, cafeteria and the museum shops. 2021 calendars are available for pre-order and we've partnered with Abercrombie & Fitch for a whole new line of tee shirts, sweatshirts, pajamas, caps, girdles and hoop skirts, all featuring the Streams logo. Check them out!

There have been some significant staff changes. Notably we had to let art director Colfax Newbury go after his convictions for bribery, mail fraud, kidnapping, burglary, extortion, jury tampering, espionage, treason and jaywalking. He will be missed. In his place we've brought aboard Gina T a recent graduate of Perksinville High School in Perrkinsville Vermont. We understand that she'll be bringing a lot of energy and enthusiasm to the position as well as months of experience designing school posters. Gina also boasted a B+ in Mrs. Hassleberry's art class. Welcome Gina T!

Another addition to our team is Konstantinos Lao-Ping who'll join our legal staff. A well-respected attorney in Kuala Selangor, Malaysia, Konstantinos speaks seven languages, though none of them our English, we're sure he'll pick the lingo up.

Our custodial staff welcomes Jezebel Inkblot-Jones a recent graduate from MIT. She'll be replacing Cy Sigh who is retiring after 40 years in custodial services. Happy retirement Cy!

Finally we have created a new position. It's long overdue but we are bringing aboard our first exorcist, Father Nigel Goldblum, formerly of the Vatican. I'm sure we'll be keeping him busy so join me welcoming Father Nigel.

There are big plans for the Fall including a photo series on dilapidated barns, a probing look at the  refrigerator magnet industry and a profile of the prominent Manhattan pretzel vendor, Loki von Hapsburg.

We'll also continue to discuss films. Readers can expect a series of essays on how movies evolved from their rudimentary form in the 16th century to the lavish musicals of Colonial America and film noir in the Antebellum period. We'll also be ranking the best key grips of Hollywood's Golden Age (can't wait) and we'll be interviewing some of the geeks, losers and nerds who look for and publish goofs in films. Perhaps we'll be able to answer the question: what's their deal?

We're also maintaining our commitment to Black Lives Matter, LGBTQ issues and calendar reform (let's return to the more sensible Julian calendar!!!!)

The previous post on Streams was this blog's 1250th, we celebrated the milestone last night with a huge party featuring entertainment by Rihanna, Drake, Taylor Swift, Adam Levine, Ariana Grande, Beyonce, Jay-Z and Sir Paul McCartney. Thanks to all of you for appearing. A good time was had by all. Thanks to our events coordinator Sasha Melba Hyphen for putting on a great bash. The cocktail wienies were a big hit.

The museum will be fully opened on August 14, we, of course, ask that visitors wear masks and social distance. Also, due to the pandemic, the kissing booths will be closed for the foreseeable future. We apologize in advance for any inconvenience.

As always we welcome your suggestions, ideas and opinions. Please send them to notarealperson@notarealemailaddress.net.

Also, if you're interested in our Fall internship program contact either Mr. Bud Abbott or Mr. Lou Costello at P.O. Box 192837465 Crenshaw Falls, Paraguay.

Have a great August everybody and remember to spay and neuter your pets and all voting age Republicans.

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