The Ups the Downs and the Sideways of Having Co-Workers

Typical workplace gathering at one of my many workplaces

Retirement means no more workplace. I exchange good mornings with the missus but that’s it. In a workplace you can have over a dozen good mornings to get through before the workday starts in earnest. Some of those include how-are-yous. Monday’s there are how-was-your-weekends. Friday’s there’s always some idiot who says: “Hey, it’s Friday.” (Thanks for the calendar update!). On Wednesdays someone might refer to the fact that it’s hump day. I had one co-worker who referred to Thursday as “junior Friday.” Somehow that never bothered me like me it should have. No one, ever, never said anything about Tuesday other than a vice-principal who pointed out that “Tuesday is a day with no personality.” At her memorial service I mentioned that to someone who said, “I don’t know about that.” To which I thought: “oh do fuck off.” I hate when people try to argue with you when you share what someone else said. The messenger is not to be killed.

I got along perfectly well with most of my co-workers. Some became friends as tends to happen. I mentioned something to this effect in class once not terribly long ago and a few students were aghast. I believe it was a student from China an another from France who said that should never happen, friendships with workmates are strictly verboten. I meant to explore the topic at greater length. It might have been their lines of work, I don’t know that it was necessarily a French or Chinese thing. But they were adamant. 

My goodness, imagine how many co-workers I had over the years. We’re talking about fifty years worth. Some passed through and were literally gone in a day or two, there were two people I worked with for over twenty year (poor sods) others close to that long. You can really get to know a person, then again you can really not. Some people keep to themselves and are private about their home lives. Sometimes you find out things about a person that are stunning. Usually not. Most people aren’t all that interesting. Oh sure, they have unique thoughts on some topics and are expert in others and have many fine qualities but no one would write a biography about them.

I had one colleague for half a day. Turned out she was a bit of a nutter. Came in her first day and commenced complaining to her higher-ups about a variety of topics. It was the day of a large student intake which meant orientation — everyone was too busy to listen to her. So she called the company’s bigwigs. Evidently they were not amused. She was fired at lunch time. Who needs that kind of nonsense.

In my younger days I had romances with co-workers. When you’re in your early twenties (alternative newspaper in a college town) that’s not at all uncommon. Could it get awkward? I should say so. Regrets? Nah, I was basically a randy kid, what did you expect? I’ll tell what could be a bigger problem, asking out or hitting on a co-worker and getting rejected. Ouch.

There were a few co-workers over the year who I disliked. Not many. Even a few — again, not many — who I detested. Part of it was that I was a volatile personality with an out-sized ego. Part of it was that some people are — at least at particular places in particular times of their lives — awful. One might argue that I was.

I’m thinking of the last few co-workers who I had a strong distaste for and console myself in the fact that others disliked them too. One was a hot-headed, misogynist. People HATED him. He was fired. 

I recently worked with some chap who took over from someone who I quite liked. That’s tough. He was very different. That’s tougher. But he was also strange. Never ended class on time. Not even close. I was always careful about that to such a degree that I ended class at 11:44 (it went until 11:45). The other thing is that this guy was a flake. Taking personal days, vacations and constantly sick. He was also late a few times. Here’s the capper. After a few weeks on the job he called me by the wrong name. At this point the school had six employees. He had to learn six motherfucking names and couldn’t pull it off. Thankfully he left after a few months. In his last week this asshole called me by the wrong name again. To top if off he referred to another teacher by the wrong name. Talk about something that isn’t rocket science.

Some co-workers are aloof. Some are painfully shy. Some — and this is a far greater sin — are chatterboxes. I remember working with one woman who could’t shut up to save her life (ask her students). I learned early on never to ask how her weekend was or I’d have to brace myself for an endless detailing of every movement over the preceding forty-eight hours. The problem is that some co-workers vastly overrate how interested you are in the minutia of their daily lives. 

Some co-workers you feel like you know after a few days. Others you spend years with and they’re a total mystery.

What’s also weird is that for some people their entire circle of friends consists of co-workers. What, you can’t make friends outside of work?

I had male co-workers who were fans of rival teams, a few of them were jerks about it. That’s a male thing. Men can be jerks about all sorts of things and don’t hesitate to constantly tease one another, often cruelly. I hated that. Women co-workers are nicer. That nurturing instinct.

You’ve got to draw boundaries with people at work. You’ve got to let people know what topics are off limits, how much you’ll share about your family, your psychosis, your personal history, your religious beliefs or lack thereof, your politics. Early in sobriety I confided in the wrong person that I was in a twelve-step program. He broadcast to the rest of the school and worse weaponized it against me later. I was, he asserted, more fun when I was drinking. Just what a recovering alcoholic needs to hear.

Of course I haven’t even gotten into one particular form of co-worker — the boss. That’s a huge topic worthy of it’s own post. I’ve a lot to say on the topic and if you’re good boys and girls you’ll hear it one day.

Before I go I’ve got one vignette. I worked with a woman who was big in the union. A real leader among teachers who reveled in her successes. She once told a few of us how important it was to treat the staff, secretaries, custodians etc. as equals. My reaction: you really think you need to say that to us? And aren’t you suggesting that they AREN’T equals, just that they need to be treated “as if” they were.” Whatta….(I won’t use that word in this blog).

I’ll add another note to that. My best friend was a member of the staff (a student safety officer) and another friend was a custodian. I got along swimmingly with the secretaries and everyone else on the staff. You never had to tell them we were all equal. They were the type of people who knew. Bless ‘em. 

Recently there was a memorial service for someone I worked with for close to the twenty years I mentioned earlier. I mentioned earlier. He became a vice-principal and was a popular supervisor, even I liked him. It was a great occasion to honor his life but for a lot of us it was a chance to see people we'd been through the wars with. People we'd worked with, fought with, laughed with, argued with, shared stories with. Any animosity that had existed among us was gone. I hadn't seen some of the people in decades. We had a bond, the kind you develop with co-workers. 

Anyway I don’t have co-workers to share space with anymore (unless the wife lets me hire a secretary). I already miss them, for all the aggravation they can cause. After all they’re all people (that may start changing) and getting to know other people is one of life’s great joys.