I was near downtown yesterday waiting for the missus to pick me up when a young woman walked by who I thought looked interesting, quirky and fun. I’ve seen a lot of females over the years who — for me — fit that description. They are never conventionally pretty nor fashionably dressed. I always imagine them to be independent thinkers with wicked senses of humor. They do well in their studies, never top of the class though they likely could be if they’d a mind to. They have fractured relationships with a parent or sibling but are close to someone else in their immediate family. They are never either particularly athletic nor clumsy. They reads obsessively and have a passion for music or films that are out of the mainstream. They brood a lot but are not prone to depression.
I’ve always been drawn to these women but as a young man never had a relationship of any significant length with one. Mostly they weren't interested in me which I always found odd and frustrating as it seemed I should be just their type and I arrogantly felt that they should be drawn to someone like me who was handsome and charming. What is it about me that turned such women off, or failed to attract them?
Perhaps they recognized that I saw them more as a type than someone to be understood and appreciated for her own merits. I suppose many women sensed a certain superficiality on my part because I was glib, funny and prone to flattery. I never felt they gave me a chance. Then again maybe I wasn’t suited to interesting, quirky and fun. The love of my life to whom I’m still married is most certainly interesting, definitely fun though she is less quirky and more independent with a stronger sense of self and less insecurities than any woman I’ve known. Quirkiness can betray a certain vulnerability that doesn’t exist in my wife.
In the last few days I’ve been obsessed with the above video. I don’t recall either the song or the video from the time of their release thirty-seven years ago. I don’t know what I find so intoxicating about the song, I know I’m drawn to the video in large part because of the beguiling Bunty Bailey (what a name) the actress in the video. It’s not my kind of music at all so I’m baffled why it appeals to me. Somehow this obsession — one that I imagine will have a short shelf life — had me asking the question: am I a romantic? It’s something I’ve never before pondered. In the narrative form I find that they-lived-happily-ever-after stories are trite, cliched and uninteresting yet l unabashedly root for people finding true love whether in fiction or reality. Maybe in part because I found it.
There aren’t a lot of love stories on film that I like. I do enjoy many that are couched in screwball comedies (largely because they are not cloying and don’t take themselves seriously) such as Bringing Up Baby, The Lady Eve, His Girl Friday, and Ninotchka.
There are more films with romance at the center that I’ve enjoyed including Hannah and Sisters, What’s Up Doc?, Arthur and When Harry Met Sally, the latter being perhaps the quintessential modern romantic comedy. But most are formulaic and overly reliant on sappy soundtracks and gimmicky lighting. Characters are generally stick figures.
There are many love songs that I enjoy, particularly by The Beatles but I prefer The Doors, Joplin, Hendrix, Neil Young and Led Zeppelin, not a lot of syrupy stuff there.
Other people's romances can be terribly dull stories (there seems little less interesting than two people finding one another on line though if it works out for them, mazel tov!) I've always chauvinistically believed that my wife and my story is a particularly good one though she has forbidden me from recounting it here, a command I respect.
Contrary to the uber popular and really bad film Love Story, love does in fact constantly require one to say that they are sorry. Claiming otherwise is preposterous.
I'm now left to wonder how many of those intelligent, quirky fun women I've encountered ultimately found true love and with what kind of gent?
Love is ever a mystery, thank god I've found it.
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