“'Flanagan cheated at solitaire.' That’s the beginning of your book?”
“It’s only the first sentence.”
“But already you’re off to a bad start. It seems like such a cliche that your main character should be some poor chump who cheats at solitaire.”
“I see nothing wrong with it. I mean, can you actually point out a lot of novels in which the main character cheats at solitaire?”
“Not off hand, I can’t. But it’s more the idea.”
“It’s not even that Flanagan is such a loser he’s more of an —”
“Everyman, am I right?”
“Yeah, exactly.”
“Listen, Jerry, no one wants to read a book in which the main character is an everyman.”
“They don’t?”
“I suppose he’s world weary.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Cliche! I bet his wife doesn’t understand him and his kids are indifferent to him and he hates his boss and he’s got some eccentric friends.”
“Say, how do you know all this? Did you sneak a look at my manuscript before today?”
“No, Jerry, of course not. It’s just so predictable.”
“You got all this from 'he cheats at solitaire?'”
“It told the whole story.”
Jerry scratched his head.
“What if I changed the opening line?”
“That’d help, but you’re still dealing with a helluva lot of predictability and cliches.”
“But I want to make him relatable. In fact that’s a particular focus of mine to make my characters seem like the kind of people readers know."
“Sorry but that’s been done to death.”
“It has?”
“Sure. And people don’t want to recognize characters and they sure don’t want to see themselves. They want to escape from their own dreary lives.”
“But what about a book like Grapes of Wrath?”
“My God, Jerry, that was over eighty years ago, people have moved past that. Today you’d have to give Tom Joad a super power.”
“You would?”
“Of course. Plus you’d have to get rid of all the poverty and the labor stuff. Replace it with action sequences.”
“I don’t know. How about something like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Could you write that today?”
“Sure but you’d have to make the mental patients even kookier. Play it more for laughs.”
“Tell me something, Lawrence, how do you know so much about books, novels, I mean.”
“Hey, you yourself said I’m well-read. That’s why you asked me to look at your manuscript.”
“In college you always had a nose in a book.”
“Well I was an English major. Today I’m more into graphic novels and comic books. Plus I read a lot of internet message boards on movies and stuff.”
“You ever think of writing anything?”
“Haven’t got the chops for it. But maybe you do. Maybe I was being a little bit harsh. Here, let me read some more.”
“Okay.”
Two minutes later. “See, see here you’re running into problems. Your main character feels misunderstood by everyone. You say that.”
“Yeah?”
“No good. Cliche. That’s what you’ve got to avoid.”
“Why can’t I have a main character who’s misunderstood?”
“Okay, okay, you can, BUT, the way you’ve set him up, it’s just all too predictable. But listen, I like the bit about him talking to his dog and the stuff about his angst is real good. Real good. But maybe if his angst transformed him somehow into some sort of avenging angel.”
“So the book is salvageable?”
“Oh sure, sure, Jerry. Let me read some more and see what we got.”
Five minutes later.
“See now, here, this business about his daily routines feeling like ruts. That’s too easy. You’re going to need to challenge the reader a little more.”
“Challenge the reader?”
“Precisely.”
“I’m sorry Lawrence but I don’t know what the hell that means.”
“Don’t make everything so easy, all this ‘everyday he does this’ and ‘everyday he does that.’ Plus it’s all so ordinary. Have him do extraordinary things.”
“But a lot of people have daily routines.”
“Yeah and they make for bad characters in novels. You want action. Readers go for that sort of thing these days.”
“Jeez, I don’t know if I can do that.”
“Sure you can. You’re a bright guy and a good writer. There’s some really good writing here.”
“Ya think so?”
“Absolutely.”
“But I need to liven up the main character.”
“At the very least. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Hmm, I’m not sure how, I’ve got such a fixed idea about this guy.”
“Look it’s just my opinion, maybe someone else would say he’s fine the way he is. But I think you’d want your book to stick out, be different, make your main character, unique, the kid of guy people haven’t seen in a contemporary novel before. It’s really all about originality.”
“Would it help if I changed Flanagan’s job?”
“Oh hell yes, an accountant? Come on.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Hey, it’s your book, you’ve got to make that call.”
“How about a biochemist?”
“You know anything about biochemistry, Jerry?”
“Not a thing.”
“Well then you’ve either got do a helluva lot of research or pick a profession you’re more knowledgable about.”
“How about a sportswriter?”
“Bingo. That lends itself to all kind of possibilities.”
“Geez I’m going to have re-write large portions.”
“Hey, buddy, it’s just a first draft.”
“I think it’ll be worth it. Thanks, Lawrence.”
“Hey, it’s my pleasure. I tell you what, you write this guy as a sportswriter and make him more interesting and I’d be happy to take another look at it.”
“I’ll do that.”
"And action, give it more action. Not so heavy on the inner turmoil."
Two months later Lawrence was at his friend Jerry’s house reading the revised manuscript. After reading for half an hour Lawrence spoke.
“I’m loving these changes. Making Flanagan an astronaut was a great idea and I like that you have his wife as an alien. Infinitely more interesting and it’ll sell.”
“Thanks, I think I bring a lot more dimension to Flanagan by giving him all these experiences with inter-galactic missions.”
“The time travel helps too.”
“Do you think I’ve gone to heavy on the sex?”
“Not at all. Sex between life forms from other planets isn’t explored enough in literature. You pretty much have to be graphic when writing about it.”
“Anything you’d change?”
“One thing here, you’ve to Flanagan’s commander being world weary. Maybe change that. Maybe instead he can have tentacles.”
“Oooh, I like that.”
“Maybe not so much emphasis on co-workers and neighbors and more stuff about the creatures with the lion’s heads. Those cats are interesting.”
“You’ve got a point. I did want to explore those characters a bit more and how they interact with humans.”
“Maybe have them eat some.”
“Good idea.”
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