Amazon Reviewers Take on Great Books

Ms. Monore was not one of the reviewers.

Previously on this blog, I have shared one star reviews of great films by IMDb and Amazon users. Today I turn my attention to literature. I present thumbs way down capsule critiques of beloved books (all beloved by yours truly). In any case, I got a chuckle out of some of these. I especially liked the following: "I didn't care what happened to the boys and scanned ahead for a spot of emotion. Instead I found more and more words." Imagine a book with more and more words in it! I also thrilled at the conservative reviewer who blasted On the Road because it featured "Amoral grifters traversing the country essentially glorifying the seven deadly sins." I  was further beguiled by the reviewer who said, "Steinbeck has as much command of adjective as a fifth grader." Hilarious. But no more spoilers, read on. 

Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. I realize that I am late coming to the ‘Handmaid’ party. It has been my intention to read it for some long time, but for some reason that I don’t fully understand, I was intimidated by the gravity of the book. I really wanted to be impressed, but Atwood’s view of a dark dystopian society left me depressed, confused and ultimately bored.I confess, I couldn’t finish the book. I couldn’t force myself to endure more than 115 pages peppered with complete and unnecessary gibberish. ‘If I have an egg, what more can I want?’ There are tons of this fluff. Atwood’s view of the future, and I assume that’s what I think we must consider that she intends, is poppycock. A nightmare with no beginning, middle or end. If this is what is in store for us, count me out.I was interested in a storyline or two along the way, but the author refused to develop them, instead droning on and on about meaningless details in the heroine’s life, or existence. I couldn’t go any further. My mind kept drifting to all the really entertaining stories out there, waiting to be read and enjoyed. Why was I wasting precious time reading tripe? 

Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. What an utterly terrible novel. Racist, sexist, poorly written, and absolute trash moralism. Steinbeck has as much command of adjective as a fifth grader, and his understanding of the subject this book focuses on, labor economics, is about that of a fourth grader. In this book, you can learn that murder is OK so long as "they deserved it" or if the victims are Native American. Learn all about the struggles of birth and the ineptitude of women told by a man who, while writing this book edited by his wife, was having an affair with a younger woman. Steinbeck makes out to be the Whitman of novels with none of the beautiful subtlety or flowing grandeur. In all fairness, I should have heeded the warning in the forward that the movie was better than the book, my first warning sign. A book written for the sadistic voyeurism of the middle class to fulfill thier need of charitable superiority over the struggles of an entirely skilless, uneducated class of people. But no, the issue isn't thier lack of skills, but the rich people who exploit them - at least one point in which the middle class can find empathy without taking any personal responsibility for the governments they create that allow for unregulated farming industries.

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Nope. I am an avid reader and I was curious what all the hype was about on this book. It’s a classic and won awards. How is that even possible? Most boring book I’ve read in a long time. I had to stop half way through and never went back.

On the Road by Jack Kerouac. Thought this would be helpful in understanding the liberal progressive mind...sadly it was.

I really don’t know how many kindle books I have read...scores. This was the only one I couldn’t finish. Given the level of political discourse, I thought reading what has been hailed as the seminal author of the bohemian counterculture generation would provide insight as to why they perceive the world as they do.

Apparently, many progressives identify with the characters in the book. Amoral grifters traversing the country essentially glorifying the seven deadly sins.

Save your money and read some Hemingway.

The Lottery and Other Stories by Shirley Jackson. Terrifyingly boring :( The amazon description of the book begins with these words, "One of the most terrifying stories of the twentieth century". SAY WHAT???? I have ready many, many "terrifying" books and this was just weird. My son was given the choice of this book or a book on Mythology for high school summer reading. I usually read what my kids are reading so that I can discuss it with them. We both agreed that we should have opted for the mythology book! These short stories don't really even seem to have an end. They just stop.

I have nothing against older literature, but I would find Frankenstein or Dracula to be more "terrifying" that this.

Tender is the Night by F Scott Fitzgerald. It was boring and I just finished two chapter.I couldn't relate to any of the characters because they were all self centered and without any real character traits.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggars. No doubt the Eggers has a gift of words, great and vast and high and wide, but following his wordy descriptions of setting up house for his little brother in CA tired me out. Finally I didn't care what happened to the boys and scanned ahead for a spot of emotion. Instead I found more and more words. That's when I folded the cover for good.

I am left thinking about the poor mother. To die with a son whose most vividly recalled and described detail is her green spit in towels and then containers unnerved me. Eggers seemed to have no heart. Only a surfeit of words about green spit. Pounding and pounding.

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens. Dickens often went on long tangents, that I wasn't sure if necessary to the plot (wouldn't know since I didn't finish the book). Several other people in my book group also did not finish the book. Maybe it was a classic back in it's day, but there are MUCH better books to read today.

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. I just couldn't get into it. The sentences, paragraphs, passages... all just SO incredibly long. Theres a fine line between descriptive and excessive. This book is the latter. Everything just went on and on. Sentences so run-on they need track shoes.

So I sat there, my mind designing this foster of a thought while I laid comfortably on the grey, semi-soft couch I bought once on sale on a Tuesday evening at a Rooms-to-Go, realizing that my life had taken a turn for, quite possibly, the worst, and wondering if I would ever reach the long-crying light at the end of the tunnel that is this pretentious book.

See- that was MISERABLE to read. Don't do that. I'm sorry I did that. You've actually got to get to the point sometimes. Plus, I got halfway through and I felt as if nothing happened. I understand that this is a "realistic" book and may even be an eye-opener for some, but I just found the story profoundly boring, or dare I say it, lame. She could have composed a much more compelling story with such an interesting background and plot. After all, it is the plot that attracted us all in the first place, isn't it? I'm sorry to say that this book is overrated and like I said, pretentious.

Go Tell in on the Mountain by James Baldwin. James Baldwin's books are depressing but this is the worst of ALL of them. This book is filled with sexist psychotic religious crap. Religion is the root of all that is evil in the world. Because as described in this morbid book it has been used to brain-wash black people who in turn used it to terrorize their children! Religion is guaranteed job security for psychiatrists and psycologists!

Look Homeward, Angel by Thomas Wolfe. Verbose disjointed ramblings of a troubled mind.

The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead. I waited months to review this book hoping time passed would temper my comments. Well time has passed and here is my review. I was really looking forward to reading this book but it ended up being a major disappointment and left me feeling the author only wanted to keep stirring the pot of racism. Basically, the entire content of the book, hard as it was to follow, was based on how awful ALL white people were towards blacks in the 60's. I didn't even want to finish the book but I did because I felt surely there would be one white character in the entire book that would be portrayed as a decent human being. Well there wasn't. Even though it was supposed to be fiction it was also supposed to be based on a real reform school back in the 60's. In my opinion, tying the story of this book to anything real was socially irresponsible. If you were not alive in the 60's, (like the author,) after reading this book you would may actually believe that all whites back then were deplorable, despicable and vile human beings. As a child myself of the 60's in the south, the portrayal of all whites in this book is truly biased and fictional. Was their racism in the 60's? Absolutely Were all whites racist? Absolutely not. If you read this book and believe any of it, you will be ashamed to be white.