I Conjure a Blog Post From Nothing in Which I Take Questions

Michelle Phillips, we dated in the late sixties

I'd planned to write a blog post but then realized I hadn't a topic. Well, thought I, why not just wing it? In response to myself I said something to the effect that it was a fine idea and certain to produce a brilliant bit of writing. Of course I knew I needed a starting topic and as I write these words am still in search of one. Ideas? Anyone? Suggestions? A little help? Yes, sir you there in the back wearing the aqua turban and matching slacks.

"Why don't you write about the differences in the country today from your youth?"

You mean when dinosaurs roamed the Earth? I've done something similar. I'd probably go on a lot about cell phones and how we had rotary phones that you couldn't take photos with nor carry around in your pocket. It was cool when we got an extension cord and I could take the phone into my room.

"I bet TV was a lot different too."

Yeah you actually watched all your TV on a TV set. We didn't have a color one until my senior year in high school and it wasn't like most people had color before us. No remote, although some people had them. Five channels when I was a kid, later a sixth and finally just before cable came along we had seven. Of course you couldn't record, pause, rewind or fast forward and to mute you had to get up and turn the dial.

Another topic, please?

You young lady in the neglige. 

"Hi, I wonder if you could discuss your sexual history."

Odd that that question should come from a young woman wearing next to nothing. But as to your topic, we simply haven't the time. I could publish my sexual history in a multi-volume encyclopedia. 

"I've got another question, then."

Do go on.

"Are you currently faithful to your wife?"

That would explain the neglige...yes, I am.

"Damn!"

Another topic or question. Yes you in the lederhosen and top hat.

"Maybe you could discourse on the current political climate."

Why invite depression? I do that at least once a month when I look at headlines. It's pretty bleak these days. The Republican Party has lost its collective mind. How about something else? You in the tweed skirt.

"I always enjoy trivia fun. Got anything new?

A few things. One I learned is that the Department of Transportation has an entire division devoted to the pogo stick. Another is that Attila Hun was a vegan who was into yoga and hacky sack. Also it is little remembered that Monday Night Football replaced Monday Night Seance.

"I have a request. Could you share a few more memories from your childhood?"

Kid tested, mother approved. At just pennies a serving. Void where prohibited. Good while supplies last. Sold only in stores. Brand new package, same great taste. Batteries not included. Ask for it by name. 

"I have a question. Who is your favorite celebrity that you once dated?

Wow, there are so many. Let's see, Michelle Phillips of Mamas and the Papas, Linda Ronstadt, Cybil Shepherd -- those were all in the late sixties and early seventies. More recently Rihanna, before she met Jay-Z there was Beyonce, Charlize Theron, Dakota Johnson, Halle Berry and of course Princess Diana. Next question, you sir in the Civil War uniform.

"What are you nine favorite single digit numbers?"

Does it have to be in order of preference?

"No."

Okay then: one, two three, four, five, six, seven, nine and eight.

"Wow, cool thanks."

Time for one more. You young lady in the plaid bikini and pink trench coat.

"What are the most recent movies that you've watched and enjoyed?

The Great Escape, which I've watched probably over a dozen times in my life starting when I was a wee lad. Still holds up, in fact I appreciate it more with each viewing, It truly is a great film. The Awful Truth which is a classic in the screwball comedy genre. Cary Grant in top form. Howl starring James Franco as Allen Ginsberg, a decent effort. Dial M For Murder, typically good Hitchcock.

Listen this has been fun folks and we'll have to do it again some time. Probably when I'm again stuck for something to write. Have a great day, remember to spay and neuter your pets and adult Republican friends. Peace be unto you. Blessings, love and power to the people.