My Response to a Spam Scam

Since I moved from yahoo to gmail a few years ago I hardly ever get anything in my spam folder. Yesterday, however was a rare exception and I received the query below. Here is the email in its entirety and the response I would have sent had I been so inclined.

Dear Sir,
I am Alejandro Mario, i work with a commercial bank and i have a Proposition involving a business opportunity to discuss with you, It will be of mutual benefit to both of us if we can handle it together, once we have a common understanding and mutual co-operation in the execution of the modalities. I Would like you to stand as the surviving beneficiary to my deceased client Late Jason Thomas Price Who made some deposit of fund before he died without leaving any Will and any registered next of kin, i come and across his file and discovered that the account is dormant for sum years. If you should be interested, please email back to me through this email address: (alejandromario067@yahoo.com) for more details, If you receive this message in your spam or junk its due to your network provider
I await your earliest response.
Yours Sincerely,

Mr.Alejandro Mario
E-mail: alejandromario067@yahoo.comm

Dear Sir,
WC Fields once said that a sucker is born every minute. Sadly for you within the 60 seconds of my birth another bloke came into the world who turned out to be the sucker that minute. Nonetheless I read your email with great interest as it suggests a business opportunity that will benefit  me, assuming, as you say, we "can handle it together."

First I have a few questions that stem from my love and understanding of the English language and the rules pertaining to its usage. Why did you capitalize "would" "proposition" and "will" but not "I"? You say you "come across his file" don't you mean you "came" across it? It is after all in the past. You say the account "is" dormant, shouldn't that be, "had been"? You know, perfect tense. You further say that it has been dormant for "sum" years. Surely you mean "some" years. Really, sir, you should work on your spelling, punctuation and capitalization.

Now then you said that if I received this message in my spam folder it is due to my network provider. You are correct! They are very good at weeding out spam which is exactly what your email is. Also, thank you for providing your email address in the body of your message and at the end of it, because merely being able to hit "reply" were I of a mind to respond to you, is not nearly enough.

As to your proposition....why me? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you don't know me from Adam (we're nothing alike). If you did know me I reckon that you would have dispensed with the Dear Sir and gone with a Dear Richard. You might also have asked what was up, how's the family and the like. But you don't know me, do you, Alejandro? You don't know a blessed thing about me. If you did you'd realize that I'm a poor target for your scam (spam scam?) as I am hardly a man of means (I have great riches that you'd have no access to such as a loving family). It seems to me Mr. Mario, that I was picked at random, where indeed a lot of picking goes on. It's sad that you have no close friends or associates with whom you can conduct this transaction and are forced to send blind emails (spam). You must be a lonely man.

Also how will I benefit from this "execution of modalities"? You neglected to mention that. Alejandro you need to be better at baiting the hook. Give the respondent (victim) some (or as you would put it, sum) indication of just how much dough they might rake in. There is nothing tempting about your missive. You've got a lot to learn about scamming.

You are quite vague about how our business deal would go down and why don't you name the "commercial" bank you work for?  Is it because you do not really work for a bank? And why no Nigerian prince? Perhaps they've turned into a bit of a cliche. Still some sort of exotic story always helps a good scam.

Mr. Mario you've got a lot to learn about internet scams, not to mention about the English language. Better yet, maybe since you're so poor at the whole spam business you should give it up entirely. Find an honest line of work -- or is this just a side hustle? How satisfying is it to bilk poor unfortunates out their hard-earned dollars? Maybe you have no conscience and are fine with what is essentially stealing. If that's the case you are beyond any help I can suggest.

But I want to conclude, Mr. Mario (if that is indeed your real name) by thanking you for your email. It gave me something to blog about.
Sincerely Yours,
Not a Sucker