Oh My! The Topic Today is S-E-X But it's all Pretty PG-13

My birthday was three months ago which means this is the anniversary of my conception. I don’t remember it, of course, I mean that was a long time ago. I don’t even remember my birth so I can hardly be expected to recall the night — or day — that my parents made love and created me. I was never grossed out by the idea of my parents “doing it” as most young people are. There are a few reasons for this. One is that I actually saw them “doing it “once. I think I was about ten years old. It was a Saturday morning and I was looking for more sugar to put on my cereal (can you imagine? I mean it was certainly some sort of artificially sweetened cereal to begin with). I was sitting in front of the TV watching cartoons as was my want on Saturday mornings.  The sugar bowl was nowhere to be found so I figured that my folks had it with them in their bedroom as they enjoyed breakfast in bed with coffee. My dad always put a spoonful of sugar in his coffee. So I innocently strolled into their room only to find my father atop my mother. I had a vague sense of what was going on but, of course didn’t want to think about it too clearly. It’s no big thing as a kid to ignore what’s right before your eyes.  My parents noticed my presence. I’ll never forget their contrasting reactions. Dad greeted me with a huge smile and asked, “what can I do for you, sonny boy?” My mother kind of growled, “what!?” with a frown. I indicated the sugar, took it and got outta Dodge.

This was not long before my mother’s insanity totally overcame her and she couldn’t maintain a facade of normality in front of anyone. She moved out of the master bedroom and I’m pretty sure there was no more nookie for my father. It was the most understandable thing in the world when a few years later he had a few affairs and eventually divorced mom and took up with a much younger woman who, as he told me, “did everything” in the sack.

My father was always very frank with me about sex. He dispensed advice including that in order not to climax too soon I should think about pushing a wheelbarrow as was his practice (I’ve gone with thinking about baseball, if you must now). He also told me that he and mom had enjoyed a healthy sex life until she went round the bend. Of course it’s unfathomable that he would have spoken so candidly about sex with a daughter — if he had had one.

It’s remarkable how much time people spend talking and thinking about sex. From my understanding this is mostly a male phenomenon. It’s not just fun, it’s so central to how we feel about other people. Men and women are different about sex and I’m sure this is something you’re aware of. Sex gets wrapped up into a lot of things. Primarily, of course love and relationships. Both those that have been time tested and those just beginning. Of course sex is often used in very bad ways like for power and revenge. It can also be used for comfort. Some people are addicted and I’ve met a few. Like any addiction its not healthy. It perverts a beautiful experience by making it a compulsion.

(I was a regular attendee at a 12 step meeting which, for a short time, was frequented by a gorgeous young woman. It was impossible not to glance in her direction every now and again and I wasn’t the only man doing so. We were all discreet and respectful about it. But one time she spoke and mentioned that in addition to alcohol, she was a sex and love addict. Wow. My jaw dangled a bit — I’m human — and I noticed several other men with their mouths agape. I suppose it was kind of funny. However years later I became good friends with a gent who was in recovery for both drugs and alcohol and sex and love. I told him the story I’ve just here related. He said that what she did was a no-no in the sex and love recovery community. You’re never supposed to tell anyone outside the group and she knew exactly what she was doing. She was messing with us. He said he’d done the same at various times. Live and learn.)

One of the interesting things to me about sex is that it can simultaneously not live up to expectations and be a wonderful, fantastic, amazing experience. I don't get that, but it's true.

Some people have sex with people who are of the same gender. Good for them. Whatever makes you happy. The odd thing is how objectionable some people find this. Imagine. The activity two consenting adults engage in behind closed doors being a matter of concern to a person because of their warped interpretation of a religion. I just don’t get that. The people who get bothered by other peoples’ sexual habits are often themselves people who do not believe in premarital sex. Talk about stupid. One of the biggest problems with sex is how so many people — usually for religious reasons — try to stifle the natural desires people have for it. Some people even get uptight about masturbation. Seriously. Talk about victimless. There’s no chance anyone is being coerced during masturbation (is there? I don’t think you can force yourself or pressure yourself or get yourself drunk to do it.).

Then there’s prostitution. Boy has that gotten a bad name. Logically it makes no sense whatsoever that its not legal. In fact it would make more sense for it to be legal. Legality would make it safer from pimps and STDs and think of what the government could rake in on taxes.

Thanks to the internet you can watch sex anytime you want. This is called porn which is short for pornography. Here's the first definition of pornography as provided by my good friends at Merriam-Webster: the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement. Doesn't sound so bad when you put it that way. Most of what you can see is staged but it's still sex. A lot of is kinky and appeals to specific fetishes and unfortunately a lot of it debases women It’s a shame  that so many men enjoy seeing women depicted as sluts and bitches. I don’t really know what should be done about it or if its even worth thinking about. Perhaps the best thing society can do is create a culture in which women are not called ugly names, not hit, not demeaned and not objectified. The last one is a tough one because it's quite natural for a man to want to look at pretty women. It just is. But then looking is one thing, acting on it is another.

I love women. I married one and had two as children. I like hanging out with the women at work because they are nicer, warmer and more nurturing than men. There might still be wars if all the world’s leaders were men but I’m guessing there’d be less. A lot. I do hope that women keep us men around. We are functional creatures. We come in handy for certain tasks, can make good sex partners and we’re pretty good at sports.

Anyway, its time for me to celebrate my conception. Can't believe no one sent a card.