23 May 2011

I Come Clean About Recent Lies I've Told

Like everyone else I've been known to stretch the truth (that's a euphemism for uttering a falsehood). I've tried over the years to cut down radically on fibbing but there are some situations which practically cry out for a prevarication. 

My conscience has been nagging me so I've decided to offer this form of confessional. I'm omitting any mention of the circumstances or who was on the receiving end of the fib. But here they are, lies I've told so far this calendar year. I'm truly sorry for each and every one. No, really.

I already made a donation online.

It was nice meeting you.

I am a retired colonel.

Not only does that dress not make you look fat, you actually look thinner!

I have a background in musical theater.

I appreciate your feedback.

No, I've never actually seen a full episode of Scooby-Doo.

I'd love to get together for lunch sometime.

You look great!

I have classical training.

No, dear, I'm not looking at pictures of Pippa Middleton on the internet.

I am a National Merit Scholar.

If I'm guilty of anything it's of loving you too much.

Those lima beans were delicious!

Martin Scorsese wants me to write his next film.

I did not eat the last cookie!

If there's anything I can do, let me know, I'd love to help.

Of course it's real, I'd never sell anything phony.

I would never lie to you.

I read your blog religiously.

It was great talking to you.

While I am indeed happy to see you that is a banana in my pants.

Sorry I'm late I had to go down to the morgue and identify a body.

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