More Film Quotes, This Time They're Strictly Woody

Long time readers of this blog (both of us) know of my fondness for film quotes. I have, in fact, dedicated five posts just to quotes. Two were comprised strictly of quotes from males, two from females and one was co-educational. With this post I provide quotes solely from films written and directed by Woody Allen. This was actually quite easy aside from restricting the total to 20. I also imposed a one quote per film quota on myself. Enjoy.

I was born into the Hebrew persuasion, but when I got older I converted to narcissism. - Allen as Sid Waterman in Scoop (2006).

For some miraculous reason, it's a wonderful feeling having a teacher you've seen dance naked in front of a mirror. - Allen as the narrator in Radio Days (1987).

To you, I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the loyal opposition. - Allen as Sandy Bates in Stardust Memories (1980).

I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts. - Allen as Fielding Melish in Bananas (1971).

Maria Elena used to say that only unfulfilled love can be romantic. - Javier Bardem as Juan Antonio in Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008).

I never believed in God. No, I didn't even as a little kid. I remember this. I used to think even if he exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him. - Alan Alda as Bob in Everyone Says I Love You (1996).

Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here. - Allen as Alvy Singer in Annie Hall (1977).

Hey, wait a minute! I know where we are. These are the flatlands. My husband's friends used to dump bodies here. - Mai Farrow as Tina Vitale in Broadway Danny Rose (1984).


Well, for anybody with any imagination. You know, life is manageable enough if you keep your hopes modest. The minute you allow yourself sweet dreams you run the risk of them crashing down. - Radha Mitchell as Melinda in Melinda and Melinda (2004).


Years ago I wrote this short story about my Mother called "The Castrating Zionist." - Allen as Isaac Davis in Manhattan (1979).


Tradition is the illusion of permanence. - Allen as Harry Block in Deconstructing Harry (1997).


I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland. - Allen as Larry Lipton in Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993).


You can't learn to be real. It's like learning to be a midget. - Jeff Daniels as Gil Shepard in The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985).


She's perky all right. She makes you want to sneak up behind her with a pillow and suffocate her. - Dianne Wiest as Helen Sinclair in Bullets Over Broadway (1994).


I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers. -  Allen as Miles Monroe in Sleeper (1973).


You missed a very dull TV show on Auschwitz. More gruesome film clips, and more puzzled intellectuals declaring their mystification over the systematic murder of millions. The reason they can never answer the question "How could it possibly happen?" is that it's the wrong question. Given what people are, the question is "Why doesn't it happen more often?"  - Max Van Sydow as Frederick in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986).


That's why I can't say enough times, whatever love you can get and give, whatever happiness you can filch or provide, every temporary measure of grace, whatever works. - Larry David as Boris Yellnikoff in Whatever Works (2009).

I remember my father telling me, "The eyes of God are on us always." The eyes of God. What a phrase to a young boy. What were God's eyes like? Unimaginably penetrating, intense eyes, I assumed. And I wonder if it was just a coincidence I made my specialty ophthalmology. - Martin Landau as Judah Rosenthal in Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989).

And to the, to the gentleman who's appendix I took out, I...I'm, I don't know what to say, if it's any consolation I... I may still have it somewhere around the house. - Allen as Leonard Zelig in Zelig (1983).

I know I could have been a better wife to you... kinder. I could have made love with you more often... or once, even. - Diane Keaton as Sonja in Love and Death (1975).