A Day in the Life -- A Page From My Diary

Woke up and had my usual hot shower and breakfast loaded with bran.

Met Lefty and Rocco at their hideout. We pulled a bank heist coming away with about 7Gs each. Not bad and no one was hurt.

Wrote the Pulitzer Prize Committee suggesting they create a category for film bloggers.

Finished the L-ME section of my translation of the Encyclopedia Britannica into pig latin. Should be finished with the whole thing next month. Then it's ka-ching!

Got several more emails from Marty Scorsese asking me to star in his next film. I'm hesitant because it might cut into my film blogging time. Anyway should I really have the lead role in a bio pic about Chester Arthur? Sure he was a great president but....

Was hungry so took the bus down to the marina, stole a boat, went fishing, caught a tuna, brought it home and made a tuna (duh!) sandwich, on rye. Yummy.

Took Jerry (our pet giraffe) for a walk. Still ticked off that we spent two hours last night looking all over the neighborhood for him. Turned out he was locked in the basement the whole time.

Came home to find the ghosts of Adolph Hitler and Groucho Marx arguing in my kitchen. Apparently they've settled their political differences and were in dispute over the position of the salad fork at formal dinners. Felt weird taking sides with Hitler.

Wife home from appointment with her psychic, Lonnie. She smacked me really hard across the face with her purse. Gave no reason but I assume it's related to my recent purchase of Enron stock. Oops!

Picked up the triplets from day care. Lost Cornelius on the way home, Gussie and Hermione made it safely. Wife smacked me across the face again. Ostensibly for losing Corny.

Wrote an essay in my internationally renowned film blog, about great musicals from the silent era. Irony is dead.

Due to the economic downturn I had to let the pool boy go. Didn't feel too bad about as we don't have a pool. The stable boy is next.

Corny showed up. That's one tough 3 year old.

Wrestled a mountain lion in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

The wife made dinner managing to smack me across the face with a skillet in the process. I think it was on purpose as I was in the den at the time.

Twins are back from boarding school. Gilligan still has tourettes and Delilah has developed a fear of air. We shared a few laughs over the time she was possessed by the devil though I don't recall it being funny at the time.

Enjoyed the dinner. Always love the wife's turnip souffle. Made the mistake of asking her to pass the salt. This was an excuse for her to take a ten pound bag of salt and smack me across the face with it. She may need anger management.

Watched a couple of hours of network TV. This sent me into convulsions.

Took Jerry for his evening walk. The plastic shopping bag I brought along to collect his droppings proved inadequate. Hope neighbors appreciate the rare strain of fertilizer.

A bird in the tree in front of our house was loudly chirping. I suggested to her that she save her tweets for twitter. The bird laughed uproariously. Our whacky neighbor, came out to see what the commotion was and hilarity ensued.

Re-read War and Peace. Still don't get it.

Went to bed. Wife smacked me across the face with a pillow which normally I don't mind but she had put her iron into the pillow case. When I asked what the smacking was for she confessed it was in error and that she owed me one. I found this rather cold comfort.