Fasten Your Safety Belts, I've Got a Lot to Say About the World Cup and the Beautiful Game

From the 1966 World Cup Final

No, I’m not particularly excited about the World Cup. Four years ago I wasn’t particularly excited about the World Cup because it was being played in a country that had a repressive regime with an abysmal human rights record. This year: same. Qatar in 2022 was also using the tournament for sports washing. The U.S. isn’t even doing that. Berlin in 1936 did a better job. Sports washing would require being nice to your guests and pretending that you are inclusive and bear no animus towards people based on race, ethnicity or sexual orientation. The U.S. just sent home a Somalia referee because of alleged terrorist ties. The U.S. has revoked visas for Iranian and Scottish fans (Scotland?) days before the tournament of fans who’ve already paid for tickets and hotel rooms. The U.S., in association with another corrupt organization, FIFA, are gouging fans. Tickets, transportation, refreshments and anything else that you can charge for are going for exorbitant rates. 

Rich white people are welcome here. Everyone else, not so much.

The U.S. is a stupid place to hold a world cup in the best of circumstances. This is not a “soccer” country by any stretch of the imagination. Other countries are mad about proper football. Here the level of contempt for the sport is at least as high as the level of appreciation for it. Let countries that care about the game and understand it host the tournament. It’s also for these reasons that I root so hard agains the U.S. team. Let teams from countries where victories are appreciated win matches.

What’s particularly galling is all the Americans I’ve heard complain about how boring or stupid “soccer” is, then when the U.S. is in tournament they’re waving the flag for the team. Hypocrites. 

I’m also displeased with the new expanded tournament that sees forty-eight countries participating. Once again a competition is being diluted so that more matches can be televise and thus fat cats can pocket more dough.

So my interest level is low but given how much I love the sport I’ll watch an occasional match, especially in the knockout stages when countries like Jordan, Curacao and New Zealand have been eliminated and the legitimate contenders are going head-to-head. One problem will still remain: for many of the matches there will be Americans in the broadcast booth. If you’ve been watching British broadcasts for the premier league, like I have, you’ve been spoiled. I’m not the only person who finds Americans doing “soccer” to be an anathema. British commentators tend to speak less, let the crowd noise breathe, avoid excessive hype and assume the audience understands the game. They treat a match as something unfolding rather than something they need to sell. Meanwhile American broadcasters, especially those who came up through U.S. sports television, do almost the opposite. They provide constant narration, frequent explanations, bigger emotional crescendos and more emphasis on personalities and storylines. (Plus those American accents just sound WRONG.)

In fact, my love of British broadcasters has made watching American sports practically intolerable. I’ve absorbed not just proper football but a particular broadcasting philosophy. After a while, American sports commentary feels too loud, over-explanatory, and oddly artificial. British football commentators are not trying to be entertaining in the American sense. Their job is closer to being a guide. They provide context, identify players, and punctuate important moments. The match itself is expected to provide the drama. American sports broadcasting evolved differently. Whether it's baseball, basketball, or American football, there's a tradition of constant narration and promotion. The announcer is often part of the show. That's why an American calling soccer can sometimes sound as if he's describing a foreign sport rather than inhabiting it.

When I hear someone like Peter Drury, Jon Champion, or Martin Tyler, I’m listening to people who’ve spent their entire professional lives immersed in football culture. There's a depth of context that comes through almost unconsciously. I’ve gotten used to commentators who let moments breathe, it’s jarring to return to American broadcasts where every silence seems to need filling.

I wish the tournament was being played in Europe or South America. I wish there were still 32 countries involved. I wish FIFA had been cleaned up and Gianni Infantino was no longer president and was instead awaiting trial on corruption charges. I wish the U.S. team hadn’t qualified. I wish I could listen to Brits comment on the matches.

One thing I’ve noticed is that virtually every major change in sports has been with one thing in mind: TV revenue. The welfare of the players is not considered. In proper football players cannot keep playing as many matches as they are now expected to. Something has to change. Hell, lots of things have to change. They’ve screwed up the damn World Cup.