I was teaching my class American slang the other day when the term butt dial came up. From there I was asked about the proper or more common term for that part of the human anatomy that one sits on. Soon I had twenty different terms on the board. My students were bemused doubtless in part because their languages also have multiple terms for one’s backside.
Anyway I thought it might be interesting to discuss each term right here on this blog, though frankly there’s not a lot to say about many of them. I’ll give it a go.
Ass. My preference if you’re not in formal company or “polite society.” Very few people are offended by the term anymore. It’s also the one that is best suited for compliments as in “she has a nice ass” or, of course, “he has a nice ass.” It’s used in certain phrases such as “pain in the ass” and “you can kiss my ass.” (I’ve never understood exactly how telling someone that they can kiss your ass works as an insult. Would you really want this person — who you presumably don’t like or are angry at — to kiss any part of your body? And what if the person rather fancies you and would enjoy puckering up? There are two variations: kiss my ass and you can kiss my ass. The latter explicitly grants permission. I’ve also heard “kiss my aching ass” though what the fact that your ass aches has to do with anything I honestly don’t know.
Butt. Maybe your most common and basic term. Not to be confused with buttload. The term “BUTTLOAD” actually comes from a genuine historical unit of measurement. A butt was a large cask used primarily for storing wine, beer, and other alcoholic drinks, and it equaled about 126 U.S. gallons (roughly 477 liters). In fact, a butt was considered half of a tun, another old liquid measurement. In terms of referring to what one sits on and defecates out of butt is boring but perfectly serviceable.
Rump. Let’s reserve this for when describing a particular kind of roast or an animal’s anatomy. It’s not used much these days anyway.
Rear end or rear. I don’t know why we would use rear end when the shorter rear is available. But then people do love a redundant word. Rear is suitable, inoffensive, gets the job done.
Tookus (which has various spellings) and it’s half sibling tush and it’s effeminate form tushy. This is a word more commonly used by our Jewish friends. I’ve never thought to employ it but won’t complain if you do.
Bottom. This seems to be popular for use with children and I believe it appropriate with little tykes. But pleas, never describe an adult’s ass as a bottom.
Posterior. It’s nice that we have it as an option but I don’t think it should or will ever become commonly used.
Buns. Nope. I’ve never heard anyone I respected use this term. Let’s not give it anymore space here. Just move on.
Caboose. It’s kind of cute but not cute enough to take it out of mothballs.
Fanny. Absolutely not. Forget you heard it, I’m sorry I mentioned it. Only your Aunt Gladys with the harelip would use it and then only after a third whiskey sour.
Bum. Short and efficient. Nothing wrong with it. Mostly used by Brits.
Derrière. If you think you sound classy by using a French word you’re only half right. It’s suitable for parties.
Booty. As in booty call. This was popular when I was growing up and mostly within the African American community. Whether it’s usage still skews to younger people and among Blacks, I don’t know. It simply does not work today for adults of any color, ethnicity, religion or lodge membership. It’s day has come and gone.
Keister. Your Aunt Glady’s husband, Uncle Hobart will use this but you shouldn’t. Originating in the late 19th-century underworld, it previously meant a burglar's tool-box or a suitcase, likely derived from the Yiddish or German word Kiste (box/case). It is used to describe the seat, such as "falling on one's keister.”
Tail. Humans do not have tails so forget it.
Heinie. I’ve been around for many decades and have only heard this used maybe a handful of times. It’s dated and fading completely out of use. Or at least one hopes.
Behind. Nothing wrong with it. Fairly common. I don’t know why it would be used in preference to other terms.
Haunches. Maybe it’s a regional thing but — while I know of its existence — I never hear it.
Can. I think it had an earlier heyday. Wouldn’t mind it making a comeback. Don’t know how it started getting used.
Duff. Like others on this list I just don’t get it. But if you must….
There you have it folks, my first ever post about asses, butts, keisters, cans, heinies…..You’re welcome!
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