The Memorial Service

The memorial service is by turns somber and joyful. While it is a celebration of a life well-lived it is also a reminder that the beloved family member and friend is gone from this world forever.

Hugs are exchanged, stories of the departed are shared, there are a few tears but also a few laughs. Some guests partake heartily of the snacks provided. There is also coffee and pastries. Some remark on the quality of the fare. Most everyone comments on the eulogies and how well they summed up the deceased and honored his life.

Inevitably conversations drift towards other topics. People catch up. Vacation plans are shared. Someone has bought a new house and is asked about it. A young woman tells of her admission to a top graduate program. A recent injury someone suffered is discussed and commiserated over.

Finally it is time to go. The hall has been reserved for an evening event. Some stay and help fold chairs, collect trash, wash dishes. Idle chatter accompanies the completing of these tasks.

The last of the attendees leave to find it has been a warm, sunny day. But the sun is fading and a breeze is cooling.

People go home. As individuals. As couples. As families. One person takes a bus. A couple call an Uber. Each are satisfied with the service they've just attended and relieved not to have been the one "honored." They are quite happy to be continuing with life. With all its stress and pain and discomforts and awkward moments there are offsetting joys and triumphs. It's grand to be part of it. To participate. To have agency. To think and breathe and feel. There is determination among many to use the deceased's exemplary life as an example and to make the most of whatever time they have left. There are thoughts of the fragility of life and how lucky we are to be here at all.

At home people change out of skirts and dress shirts into leisure wear. Most of the attendees prepare dinner though a few order out and one couple goes to their favorite restaurant. Two people don’t have dinner at all having supped enough at the memorial.

Most people store the program from the memorial with other of life’s mementos. But some will recycle it or have it laying around for a few days before disposing of it.

Most conversations are related to daily affairs. The deceased is beginning to be forgotten. Those closest to him will think of him often in the days ahead though less so with each passing day. He’ll be remembered on his birthdate and the anniversary of his death. He’ll be spoken of occasionally at family gatherings and when his visage is noted in photo albums. He’ll be missed at the first Thanksgiving and Christmas after his death. There’ll be a few people who talk out of what he lovely sending off he got at the memorial service. 

We did him justice, they'll say proudly. Then move on.