I was thinking about giving unsolicited advice to my daughters, nephews and nieces if depression hits them in middle age as it did my me and (I think) my brother. After all, I’m experienced with suffering depression, anxiety and panic attacks and know a thing or two about recovering from addiction.
In trying to craft my suggestions I realized there’s still a lot I don’t know or am unsure of. There are also variables, no two people have exactly the same experience. But I did come up with some suggestions I’m sure of. Let’s start with those.
Don’t feel the slightest bit of shame. It’s no different than having a physical malady. Don’t compound your depression or anxiety by feeling you’ve done something wrong. It can and does happen to anyone.
Share what’s going on with trusted friends and relatives. You don’t have to take out a full page ad in the New York Times but you also shouldn’t hide it from people who can be part of your support group. You should instinctively know who you can confide in. You may need those people at some point. Maybe they can meet you for lunch, or chat on the phone or respond to text when you’re feeling down. Maybe some of the people you confide in are fellow sufferers and you can support one another. Misery needs company.
See a medical professional. But here’s where it gets dicey. Should you follow all their dictates? Should you accept a referral to a psychiatrist? Should you seek alternative methods of treatment? And the big question: should you take meds? These are all tough calls that you may have to make at some point. And there are so many gray areas and so much depends on the level of pain you’re at and what other symptoms you have.
Medication is a last resort. Be aware of the following: it can do some people a world of good, it can be utterly useless, there may be side effects and side effects can be disqualifying. Learn as much as you can about the medication before agreeing to take it. The internet can be full of information, including a lot that’s helpful including other people's experiences. And remember, you can always stop taking the meds (but be sure to do it as told by your doctor, a lot of meds can’t just be stopped cold turkey.) I'm sorry I can't be more helpful here. I've had mostly bad experiences with meds but they've done some good too. You may decide that meds aren't for you, period. That's fine, it's your call. Never let anyone pressure to do anything.
I should here add that medications are more effective in combatting anxiety than depression with less risk of side effects. My anxiety is pretty limited these days and panic attacks are practically a memory (thankfully). Depression is still part of my life and I am medication-resistant (wish I'd been side effects resistant).
Psychiatrists and other counselors have done people a world of good. They have also wasted a lot of people’s time. Keep asking yourself if you’re getting insight and making progress with whoever you’re seeing. Do you look forward to your visits? Or are they a chore? Do they give you something to think about? Or are they so much mental masturbation? One thing to look for in a therapist is whether they appear to be guiding you and leading you to ask and answer questions or if they are either eternally silent or mouthing useless babble. It may take awhile to figure out if therapy is working. I was with one doctor for years before I figured out that he was literally doing me more harm than good. I was with another who was helpful for a year or two and then we started going nowhere so, wisely, I bailed on him. It's a crap shoot.
There are plenty of alternatives to traditional therapy and pills offered today. I notably attempted one last year (transcranial magnetic stimulation). It worked — for a few months. In the past I also tried hypnotherapy. It was an exciting adventure into the mind but didn’t do a wit to help with my panic attacks. Some people have luck with cognitive therapy. Others try group therapy. Micro dosing with psychedelics is helping people too. Look around. See if there’s anything that feels right for you. The reality is that you may try something that costs time and money (see therapists) that ultimately doesn't work. There are no sure things. (By the way, beware of anyone who tells you their method is "a sure thing.")
There are a plethora of things you can do for yourself on an immediate basis. Exercise is one of the best. This can be anything from a vigorous workout at the gym to walk around the neighborhood to a bike ride. Meditation helps. Avoiding excess use of alcohol or recreational drugs is a must. Distracting yourself with movies, comedy, sports and TV can be good. Perhaps better is more kinesthetic activities like gardening, pottery, carpentry projects and painting. Nothing beats hanging with friends and family. It’s also really good to look outside yourself and do for others such as through volunteer work. Indeed being part of something — as you are at work — can be really good for you. Whatever you do, try not to surrender to the depression or let anxiety overcome you. I know, easier said than done.
Most important, remember that you’re not alone. If you don’t have people around and no one to call, or text, develop cyber friendships or connections. You can find online forums either on a topic of interest or specifically for people dealing with mental health issues.
Depression can feel permanent and unmovable. You can feel trapped and alone, with no hope. But that’s not reality. The truth is that you’re lucky to be alive. You’ve got a lot to be thankful for. (Counting your blessing is a must in combatting depression.) You’ve got some great memories and you’ve got brightness and light in your future. You can get through anything. The weight will be lifted. Don’t let despair win. This is the only life you’ve got. Fight for it and fight for it to be as good as possible. Remember, you’re worth it.
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