Dizzy Grows Up

“If you had the choice would you live for five extra years but you had to be blind. Otherwise your health was perfect. Would you take five more years alive if you were blind?”

“Jesus, Dizzy where do you come up with this shit? I mean, seriously, man, who would ever face such an option?

“I’m just asking if you’d do it if you had the choice.”

“I honestly don’t know, if it ever comes up I’ll be sure to tell you then.”

That was Dizzy, always presenting weird scenarios, strange what-ifs, and bizarre hypotheticals.

Dizzy finally added: “I think I’d take the five years for sure. I mean they’d be a bonus on top of the life you’d lived. So what if you couldn’t see, you could still enjoy music and sex and — ”

“Whatever Diz.”

Of course Dizzy wasn’t his real name. He was born Terrance Burdette but had earned his nickname in the first grade because he liked to spin in circles until he became dizzy. The moniker fit.

Dizzy hung out with me (I’m Carl Swanson), Buster Collins, Lloyd  Walinsky and Mikey D’Antonio. We’d all been friends since kindergarten. Other than Dizzy we were pretty good students and played sports and came from nice families. But Dizzy, poor guy, he struggled in school and was a total loss at sports. Worst of all his home life was the shits. His father was a lush who couldn’t hold down a job and his mother suffered from clinical depression, he had an older brother who was in and out of jail and a younger sister who was about as bad a student as Dizzy but without any friends to speak of.

We felt sorry for Dizzy. He was part of the gang and we were all equals but I suppose its fair to say that Dizzy didn’t get the same level of respect as the rest of us. I mean, he was such a goofball so how could he? Frankly he could be a pain in the ass at times. He couldn’t keep up with a lot of our conversations, especially when we talked about school work. Whenever we’d discuss school or politics or sports he’d usually be totally silent for awhile then interrupt us with some obnoxious comment. But when we got together after school, on weekends and during the Summer, Dizzy was always with us and none of us complained, we were family.

By high school one of our main topics of conversation was girls. Here was another topic Dizzy had nothing to say about. We’d be talking about who we thought was cute and who we thought might like us and Dizzy would come up with one of this ridiculous questions.

“If you had to kill a celebrity which one would you off?”

“Seriously, Dizzy? Who would ever have to kill a celebrity?

“Well, no one would actually would, I guess, but just supposin’ you had to, who would it be?”

“Nope, not gonna answer it, Diz.”

“Me neither.”

“Buster, how about you?”

“I don’t know Diz, can I get back to ya on it?”

That’s how it went.

Eventually we started dating and sometimes a group of us would get together with our dates for a movie or to hang out. Dizzy always seemed to find out what was up and tag along. He was too shy to talk to girls and besides most of his clothes were second hand and often dirty and Dizzy seldom seemed to shower. His hair was always askew. Cleaned up he wouldn’t have looked so bad but it was hard to imagine a girl being attracted to someone who was so immature, not to mention slovenly. When we were with our dates, Dizzy mostly kept quiet and if he did talk it was to one of guys and never to the girls.

Lloyd, Buster, Mikey and I all graduated high school near the top of the class. Buster got a football scholarship to the state university, Lloyd was accepted to an Ivy League school and Mikey and I both got partial scholarships to small liberal arts colleges. It was an exciting and sad time at the end of the Summer as we each got ready to go off to our respective schools. Dizzy had had to take a couple of Summer School courses just to get his diploma, we were all amazed that he passed. Not surprisingly, Dizzy was saddest of all as we left one by one for college. Three of us went out of state, Buster’s school was the closest but he was still 200 miles from our hometown, Blakesburg.

We all exchanged letters with updates on how we were adjusting to college life. Dizzy had promised to write but none of us heard a peep from him, not even in response to the letters we wrote him. I didn’t give him too much thought because I was off on what seemed a big adventure. I loved college classes, meeting new people and being on my own. I got drunk and later smoked marijuana, both firsts in my life. The biggest first I experienced was when I lost my virginity. I also met an openly gay person for the first time as well as a Muslim and — at a seminar — a Holocaust survivor. The world had opened up in ways I hadn’t imagined. Blakesburg is a decent-sized town but is comprised almost entirely of white Christians.

Despite the eye-opening adventures I was having, one of the highlights of the year was going home for Christmas vacation. I’d never been away from the family for more than a week of Summer camp before and I was excited to see my folks and my sisters and of course my good friends — including Dizzy.

We all met on a Friday a few days before Christmas at Johnny’s, our favorite burger joint. Lloyd, Buster, Mikey D’Antonio all looked different but the same. It was hard not to all be talking at once, sharing stories of our university experiences and reflections on how Blakesburg looked after being away for three months. After awhile we noticed that Dizzy hadn’t shown up. We’d all written to him about when we’d be getting in and that we’d be meeting at Johnny’s. I even called his house and left a message with his sister who said that Dizzy was at work.

“Did she say where Diz is working?” Buster asked.

“I didn’t think to ask,” I replied.

We’d been in Johnny’s for nearly an hour when Dizzy walked in although at first we didn’t recognize him. He was wearing a nice buttoned down shirt, pressed trousers, loafers and a corduroy jacket. His hair was parted and neatly combed.

“Hi fellas!” Dizzy exclaimed. He just stood there beaming as if really proud of himself. Spontaneously we got up and raced over to Dizzy and took turns pumping his hand and patting him on the back and telling him how great he looked and how glad we were to see him.

“I’m working man now, gents,” he told us when we all finally sat down.

“I got a job at Roy Ettinger’s filling station pumping gas, wiping windshields and changing oil. Turns out I got what Roy says is a ‘natural aptitude for fixing cars.’ Fellas, I’m going to be a mechanic.”

I think I speak for my other pals when I say that I couldn’t have been prouder of Dizzy. He’d found a calling and an honorable one that would provide a steady income. And in just three and half months he’d cleaned himself up and for once looked his age.

“No more goofy talk from me either. Heck I don’t even watch cartoons no more. I’ve even started checking out books from the library. But l want to hear from you fellas.”

With that we regaled Dizzy with stories from college. Buster had the most to tell what with him being on a college football team. Lloyd talked about being part of campus protests against the war in Vietnam and Mikey D’Antonio spoke about having a steady girlfriend already. Diz listened intently, never interrupting. He seemed particularly interested in my stories about smoking marijuana and meeting — as he put it — a queer.

I couldn’t get over Dizzy’s transformation. It wasn’t just his appearance but the way he acted. As we spoke, our old friend listened intently and interrupted only to ask questions — and not goofy ones either.

We saw Dizzy a few more times during our vacation and I for one had trouble getting over the amazing transformation he had undergone in just three months time. Finally I asked him,” Dizzy you’re such a changed man, how’d you do it?”

“It was the day after you fellas left. I was alone and feeling blue. I knew I needed to make some changes in my life and the first one I thought of was to get steady work. I lucked into the filling station job and then it turned out I was a natural with cars. I realized I wasn’t a kid anymore and should stop acting and looking like one. Actually you guys were my inspiration. I always envied you and wanted to be more like you. I’m not cut out for college but I can still learn and improve myself and make a good living. I just finally grew up, is all, and you three pals were my models”

I almost cried. Instead I gave Dizzy a hug, something that wasn’t done among males in Blakesburg in those days. Over the years I kept in touch with all my old pals but the one I came to enjoy seeing the most was Dizzy. Whenever I come into town to see my folks I visit Diz who is today married and has a couple of sons. He’s no great intellectual but knows his current events and has strong well-reasoned opinions on a lot of topics.

Last time I saw Dizzy we were chatting about this and that when he asked: “If you had to choose one current political figure to shoot and one to be roommates with, who would you choose for each?”

I was stunned for a second but then Dizzy smiled broadly. “I’m just kidding, Carl, just kidding.”