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| Dua Lipa will perform at Streams in November |
Premium members of Streams of Unconsciousness, receive a monthly newsletter. As a teaser, here's some experts from last month's missive.
In a cost-cutting measure the Fall Jamboree and the Autumn Jubilee have been combined and re-branded as the October Bash. It will be held this year on October 15 at the Streams of Unconsciousness Fairgrounds. Admission is free for attendees between twelve and sixty-five years of age. Youth tickets are $35 and Seniors $40. See you there!
The gift shop is once again carrying the popular Streams of Unconsciousness doilies. Also now in stock are Streams fedoras and girdles. Hoodies will be two per cent off for the rest of the month!
Just a heads up, the Streams bake shop will be closed on Monday September 26 for yearly maintenance. Plan accordingly.
Tuesday bake sales have been moved to Thursday and will now be known as Thursday bake sales. Make a note.
Our director of marketing, Percival Pinwheel is stepping down at the end of October to take a position with Al-Qaeda. Join us in wishing Percy the best!
More comings and goings: Hans Gertfröbe, that dashing young chap in the mailroom, has been re-assigned to our legal department where he’ll help deal with the many libel suits we face at Streams. Welcome Liza Clockenlocker our new community outreach coordinator. She’ll be taking over for Ned “Jonesy” Johnson who was recently fired for malfeasance. Also departing is Charlene Evergood who retires at the end of the month. We wish Charlene (aka Goody) and her husband Roscoe all the best as they live out their life-long dream of owing and operating a nicknack store in the Yukon wilderness. Also coming on board is our new quality assurance associate, Lance Boyle. Lance comes to us straight out of high school having recently graduated from Methadone High School in the Bronx. Go get ‘em, Lance! Lastly, long time receptionist Chita Istanbul is leaving us to take a position in the defense department with the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Streams is proud to announce it will be partnering with Industrial Workers of the World in promoting and fomenting labor unrest throughout the western world. The Streams/Wobblies partnership will focus on creating a worker’s paradise. Viva la Revolution!
Our November concert will be officially announced later this week but a little birdie tells us that scheduled performers will include Paul McCartney, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Usher, Dua Lipa, Coldplay and Billie Ellish. Tickets will go on sale Friday and they’ll range from five to twenty-five dollars in the VIP section.
In sports: The Streams cricket team ended their season with a flourish and took second place in their league. Things are looking up for our sumo wrestlers who are currently undefeated heading into their big match with Apple. Let’s take a bite out of them, lads! Meanwhile our dog sled team is training for the coming campaign. Ask about season tickets!
Reminders: our competitive haiku team opens its 2022-23 schedule Saturday at the Streams Pavilion. Our opening tilt is nearly sold out, so act now! The day care center has been refurbished and earthquake proofed, also the sharp metal spikes have been removed from the play structures by popular request. Drop the kiddies off. Finally, the Rufus T. Firefly Streams Museum has opened a new wing with dazzling and amazing exhibits to stimulate, excite and illuminate. Don’t miss it!
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