20 April 2019

HELP WANTED


I am currently seeking people to fill the following positions:

Manager
Agent
Publicist
Spokesperson
Secretary
Personal Assistant
Valet
Girl Friday
Mentee
Intern
Sidekick
Governess
Flunky
Aide-de-camp
Muse

Wingman
Lackey
Disciple
Underling
Gofer
Protege
Accomplice
Scullery Maid
Subordinate
Co-Conspirator

Please send your resume and a $200 processing fee to Purple Haze Ltd. c/o General Delivery MooseScrotum, Yukon 24 Canada. If your check clears and your resume is deemed suitable you will be asked to write a 2,000 page essay specifying your personal philosophy, qualifications and reason you are especially suited for the position along with another $200 processing fee. Checks should be made payable to Hugo Z. Hackenbush of Hackenbush, Hackenbush, Firefly, Loophole, Spaulding and Wong. Interviews will be held in early May at the Ritz Hotel in Paris, France.

Applicants must be willing to re-locate at their own expense.

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