05 January 2017

The Author Has Fun With Words and Includes a Photo of Rihanna Although She is Nowhere Mentioned



Sometimes I can’t identify with myself. At other times I can’t identify myself. And there are other times when my identity is subsumed by my personality. I see issues regarding my personality to be highly personal. So much so that I don’t share them with myself.

I’m not altogether sure why myself is one word. It seems that there is me and what is mine, as in my. There is the self and indeed many selves. So when I refer to the self that is mine I think it should be my self.

On a number of occasions people have said to me: "speak for yourself. " Oddly, in none of those instances have I just said: "speaking on behalf of the group...." Therefore it should be evident that I  have been speaking “for myself.”

People sometimes say, “speaking of witch,” but then they don’t say anything about a witch. What the heck?

I’m perplexed about people saying: in other words….But then they use the same kind of words from the same exact language.

In court, witnesses are asked to say what happened “in your own words." If a person has her or his own words, how can we expect to understand them? It’s better to use words in common usage. So obviously they are not going to use their "own words."

Sometimes people write: what I’m trying to say…..Why not just “say” it?  It’s as if the person wrote: “here is a sentence explaining my meaning.” Silly.

I know I’ve mentioned this before but it’s worth repeating: when people say or write, “don’t get me wrong” I always decide that I will indeed “get them wrong.” Nobody tells me how to “get” a person or what they say. I reserve the right to be all wrong.

Some people “I self identify as….” one way or the other. My question is why not just say “I identify as….” We assume the self part.

Is it okay to like words that are negatives? For example I like the word egregious. It’s a word that means conspicuously bad. But I like the word. Is that weird? I also like mellifluous which is a positive word meaning to have a smooth, rich flow. So I like all kinds of words. Like perpendicular. According to Merriam-Webster, it means: “standing at right angles to the plane of the horizon:  exactly upright.” Nice sounding word. Here’s another word I like, obsequious. Of course this refers to giving fawning attentiveness. A lot of people would use kiss ass instead but I like obsequious better.

Here’s something fun. I’m going to put those four words I like into one sentence. Watch.

Gunther had made an egregious mistake by placing the items perpendicular, but his obsequious employee, speaking in a mellifluous voice, praised Gunther for his ingenuity.

Not bad, eh?

There are many more words I like for their definitions, such as sensual, sumptuous and gorgeous. Oh, I just remembered, I really like the word cacophonous. Many of the words I like are longer ones — like sesquipedalian, which, interestingly enough, describes itself. It’s the use of long words. Words like, oh say, sesquipedalian. Similarly you have grandiloquent which is pompous or extravagant language. So it too is a word that describes itself.

Some words are overused like “awesome” which used to mean an expression of awe or inspiring awe (actually it still means both those things). Awesome is used for anything and everything now. First it was for things like “it was an awesome party” or “we had an awesome time.” Now — goodness me, it’s a catch all. You can tell a waiter your order and get the following reply, “awesome.” Come on! The fact that I’m having a Caesar Salad is not in any way shape or form something that should engender or inspire awe. It’s just a freaking salad.

I’ve always loved words but in my current incarnation as an ESL teacher they are of great professional importance. I have to explain words and idioms and how they are used and not used. For example a student might say, “so we must do this homework for tomorrow?” I’ll point out that while their sentence is just fine and dandy (actually I never say fine and dandy while teaching) people don’t use "must" like that anymore. Instead people say: “so we have to do this homework for tomorrow?” Must is still used as in “I must have left the folder on my desk.” But virtually no one says that they “must go to an appointment.” I make a distinction between what you can say and what people actually do say.

For some reason students coming from all over the world want to use the word moment as in, “in this moment I am planning a trip.” I have to give them the news that, while still very much in use, moment is not utilized in such a way. Instead people say, “right now” or “currently.”

Excuse the digression (digression is another word I like) but why is it called “Facebook”? It’s not a book and there’s much more than faces on it. They never explained that in the movie, The Social Network. I have a limited knowledge of Facebook as I shy away from it. I'm not even signed up for it. I think Twitter, Instagram, and two blogs are sufficient. How much more of me could anyone take?

Back to words....

If “it goes without saying” then logically you shouldn’t say it. Even better (or worse) is when someone says, “unless I’m mistaken.” You can use that for pretty much anything. “Unless I’m mistaken two plus two equals four.” Or. “Unless I’m mistaken, rabbits weigh up to 390 tons.” Then there's "unless I miss my guess." People don't say that much anymore and I think it's just as well.

Often when I part from a person I'll say: “have a good one.” Other people do it too. But we never specify what “one” represents. Maybe I'll start saying, "having two good ones," just for shits and giggles. That's an odd combination, shits AND giggles. The first is disgusting and the second fun. Why are they together? Someone else can look that up, I''m not that interested.

When someone I know enters a room I’m prone to saying, “there she is.” Unless it’s a male in which case I say, “there he is.” I make no apology for this and don’t even know why I brought it up.

Next time someone says to you: “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” I believe it behooves you to say, “well then I’ll need a list of all the things you don’t do so I’ll know to avoid them.” Or. “What if something you wouldn’t do is something I do regularly with no ill effect and that I in fact enjoy?”  Just saying.

I like “just saying” and “so it goes" and most of all, “asking for a friend.”

If you are very very very old like I am (I have distant memories of running away from dinosaurs) you may remember that peole used to say “skip it.” Not any more. Now it’s “forget about it." Also no one is bashful anymore, a person is “shy.” Also you never work for an “outfit” anymore. But you do wear an outfit. Sometimes people say "I'll pass." I prefer it when people say “no thank you." "I'll pass" does not sound polite. Because it isn't. Speaking of which, “my bad” is not nearly as polite as “I’m sorry, its my fault.” At best "my bad" acknowledges responsibility for a mistake but in no way does it signify any regret.

Relationship language is a bit weird. For example: “I’m seeing someone.” Really? I see lots of people. In line with that is, “they’re not seeing other people.” Sounds kind of silly. Also silly sounding is, “they’re serious.” Really? No laughs? No fun? It’s all very “serious.” Finally there is “I’ve met someone.” Hey, I’ve met a lot of people, what’s the big deal?

This has been a blast. Out of sight. Really cool. Awesome. Terriff. Neat. Boss. Super. Far out. Boffo The best. Sick. Bodacious. Incredible. Dynamite. Swell. Primo. Groovy.

Well for me it has been. I'm speaking for myself.

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