Free the Head! My New Religion Will Do Just That

I’m forming a new religion and i’m sure you’ll agree with me that it's long overdue. My religion is  based on the idea that people should have total freedom of choice regarding the top of their head. This specifically regards headwear and hair.

Here’s the problem now. Muslim women have to wear headscarves or hi jabs, Jewish men often sport yarmulkes (which neither shade the eyes nor provide warmth nor are particularly stylish), Sikhs have turbans, Catholic clergy wear all manner of hat and skullcap with nothing more ridiculous than the mitre, nuns shave their heads and wear habits, many Buddhists still shave their heads. I could go on. Imagine children of today born into a religions that dictate what they do with their hair or what they must wear on it.

I say enough already. Free the head! My religion takes no position on diet, sexual practices, alcohol consumption or other personal habits. We neither recognize a higher power (or powers) nor do we dismiss the possibility that one or more exist. We set aside no day of the week, times of the day or days in the calendar for religious observations or ceremonies of any sort. We take no stance on the afterlife and boast no holy book. We also refrain from assigning any individuals to preach our religion or perform any type of services. We do not have a house of worship and we do not worship.

Our lone position is that all humans regardless of age, gender, sexual identity or level of education should and must be allowed to choose what to do with their hair and whether they will wear anything on it. If they choose to wear a hat, baseball cap, kepi, propeller hat, bowler, beanie, derby, balmoral, cowboy hat, fedora, panama, beret, coonskin cap, tam, sombrero, bonnet, helmet or bandana or if they choose not to, it’s okay with us. Either way. Do what you want. Have short hair, long hair, no hair, wear product in it, cornrows, get a bouffant, extensions, braids, a perm, dye it, fashion it into a mohawk or tie ribbons to it. We don’t care. We really don’t. Do what you want.

Our religion will be called the Free Heads and we will doubtless be known by the nickname, Freddies. If we ever decide to congregate it will be only to congratulate one another on not having any strictures on what we do with our head. Best of all there is no membership fee, no tithing and no materials to buy. Members can save their money, maybe to use at a hat shop or a hairstylist.