17 January 2016

All We Are Saying, is Give Guns a Chance


"I'm a strong supporter of the second amendment. I have a right to protect my family if someone were to come after us," Rubio said. "In fact, if ISIS were to visit us, or our communities, at any moment, the last line of defense between ISIS and my family is the ability that I have to protect my family from them, or from a criminal, or anyone else who seeks to do us harm. Millions of Americans feel that way.” - Marco Rubio, Republican candidate for president.

I’m intrigued by this comment. Evidently Rubio feels that ISIS might pay a call to his Florida neighborhood. Frankly I didn't think that ISIS was in the habit of visiting anyplace in the United States but I could be wrong about that. If they have been visitors in this country surely they’ve been, if not welcome guests, peaceful ones. Because surely if they’d caused any mayhem the media would have been all over the story.

I wonder if Rubio is similarly worried about others paying a call. Does he imagine Al-Qaeda ringing his doorbell? Hamas? How about Nazis? Or a Mexican drug lord? Could he envision Boko Haram popping over? Does he worry about the Sicilian Mafia dropping by? Just what kind of visitors does the Senator actually get that make him worry so much about who'll be next?

I must say that Rubio is not much of a host. Visitors come, perhaps tourists, and he greets them with guns at the ready? What if they coming bearing gift baskets? Flowers or a nice fruit arrangement? Is he going to open the door with a .45 in his hand? Any paperboy coming to collect the monthly bill better hope he doesn’t bear any resemblance to terrorists or he might be staring at an uzi.

Rubio also said that he purchased a new gun on Christmas Eve. I’ll grant you, the guy knows how to get in the spirit of the season. Nothing says yuletide joy or peace on earth quite like a firearm. Sarah Palin, who you may recall was once the republican candidate for vice president (oh how he laughed!) mentioned in a book she wrote (wait, she really wrote a book? That means she’s written more of the things than she’s read) that in response to the backlash against guns after the Sandy Hook massacre, she bought her hubby a gun for Christmas. “As an act of civil disobedience.” That pretty much explains the term “gun nuts.” Yeah, when you legally buy a Christmas gift for your spouse you are carrying on the great tradition of Henry David Thoreau. When you buy one to show up people who want stricter gun laws in the aftermath of two dozen small children being slaughtered by a lunatic, you’re carrying on the great tradition of…of, uh, well gee its hard to think who the stupidest most insensitive lout in history is. Maybe she was carrying on her own tradition!

Rubio and Palin and other lovers of phallic symbols are convinced that President Obama and other people who abhor wanton gun violence, are trying to “take away” their guns. Personally, I’m of the opinion that there one helluva lot of people who need their guns taken away. And their bullets too.  But I’ve seen no proposals that even suggest taking away anyone’s gun. I have hear tell of suggested laws that would make it a teensy bit more difficult for crazy idiots to buy guns and maybe restricting who gets to buy those rifles that can mow down a roomful of people in less time than it takes to say: second amendment. But god forbid you take away the right to buy a bazooka or impose a 12 hour waiting period before you can purchase a flame thrower.

In Texas you get to carry your guns out in the open. It’s called open carry. Is that so people can show off and compare? Mine’s bigger than yours! Yeah well you should see mine when its erect! Mine is circumcised! Of course there are practical reasons for open carry laws. With your cock, I mean glock, where people can see it, those ISIS people who are visiting will think twice before blowing you up. Plus, if you suddenly have the need or the urge to open fire it’s probably easier to get to your gun. Here’s a tip: leave the safety off! Saves time.

I also understand that many gun owners want to keep their weapons so that they can ward off government agents who try to take those guns away or further infringe on their basic rights as an American. But I don’t think they’re going far enough. After all, the government has tanks, fighter jets, drones and nukes. Let’s make sure our citizenry is similarly armed. You know, a well-regulated militia is just not well-regulated enough with that the very latest in top of the line instruments of death.

I applaud Rubio and all the other mentally defective weapon lovers. Their ever increasing capacity to kill and maim their fellow man is making the country a safer place. Statistics, facts and the truth be damned!

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