10 February 2015

Corporations are People Too -- As If!

“I looked as grateful as any boy possibly could, who was wholly uninformed why he ought to assume that expression.” - From 'Great Expectations' by Charles Dickens

Isn’t this wonderful, Randy wanted to know.

It is wonderful, Krista affirmed.

Randy positively gushed about the cake being so very delicious.

Krista added that the champagne too was very delicious.

Freida noted how the decor was very festive.

Everyone agreed that it was indeed festive. Everyone was smiling broadly and chatting amiably and trading exclamations and encomiums and hosannahs for their employers who were throwing this wonderful celebration.

When the music started Randy confided in Gabriel that he thought the music befit the occasion. Gabriel readily agreed. There was no dissent at this occasion. There was no discussion. Dissent was unthinkable. But there was hob nobbing. A lot of it. Oh and mixing too. And mingling. No one was standing off by himself or -- it should be noted because we don’t want to offend anyone — herself. No one is to ever feel offended. That's a must. Avoid offense at all costs -- carry on.

The celebrants were all gay in the traditional sense of the word. Some were gay in the more modern usage of the world because that’s cool too. People of all stripes were welcomed and accepted and those differences were never mentioned. The only requirement was that one must wear very happy face. Happy faces were a must.

For example there was no talk of any recent unpleasantness. It was like it never happened. Minds had been white washed of the event anyway. Why dredge up events from the distant past of last week? What's done is done. On that everyone could agree. Could indeed.

This occasion had even inspired a song of celebration to be written. The song was  drilled into everyone’s heads. It was a catchy tune with cute lyrics and a simple fun beat that everyone would happily have stuck in their hands. What fun to have a jingle all their own.

But…

It was Ramona who finally asked Randy why this occasion merited a celebration. This was typical of Ramona, she was forever asking questions. This tendency often put her at odds with others who knew that going along for purposes of getting along was the best practice. Indeed the only one. Questions from outsiders were to be dealt with. Politely. Quickly. Efficiently. There was to be no muss or fuss here. Questions, of course, could lead to much mussing and fussing.

Randy responded to Ramona’s question with a dismissive shrug. Randy was the head honcho and was used to parrying ill conceived or ill timed questions. Ramona was a smart cookie and got the hint. She went over to get another glass of champagne and vowed to keep her trap shut.

Meanwhile Frieda and Gabriel were having a similar conversation. They were trying to sort out why they were at work after hours drinking nice champagne and eating nice cake and hearing nice music whilst having nice conversations. Somehow it didn’t make sense.

Frieda decided to ask Randy. This was a bold move for Frieda who was used to toeing the company line. Her toe was forever on that line and had never before deviated. But sometimes people will drink too much champagne on such occasions and instead of being a little bit silly will get a little bit too bold. Also their minds might start exploring. That’s a danger in certain environments. Like this one!

So finally Frieda walked over to Randy who was standing proudly (no one could say for sure what he was proud of, least of all Randy himself) with a huge grin on — where else? — his face. And what Frieda did was to ask Randy what it was all about. And was the reason worth the time and expense.

Poor Randy. He couldn’t just dismiss Frieda with a shrug. She was his second in command. This was a serious situation. Especially when Krista and Gabriel sauntered over because they were suddenly curious about what Frieda and Randy were talking about.

But Randy had been trained in such matters. It’s why the big bosses had hired him. They knew they could count on him to be totally facile in any and all circumstances. Originality replaced by banality. It was practically a corporate motto. Sure enough Randy came through. “Pufghitle motince erp loobykoss minefredy,” Randy said.

Everyone nodded and smiled. Nodded and smiled. Now it was unclear. Now they didn’t know. Now they could truly pretend to enjoy themselves. There's nothing like ignorance when you think you know something but don't know what you know. It was like they’d been administered an anti depressant. A warm wave of vapid beige spirtlessness washed through them.

The party went on for another 15 minutes. Someone did the twist. It was funny.

Time to go.

The custodian would clean up.

Everybody went home.

Tomorrow they'd talk about what fun they had.

More Xanax, anyone?

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