03 March 2013

The Best Spam I've Ever Received and More Fun With IMDb User Comments

Subject Line:  ARE YOU DEAD OR ALIVE?.

The Letter: 

Dear: Customer,  How are you today? Mis Mary came to our Office this morning to Claim your fund, she stated that she is your younger Sister, she told us that you had a fatal Accident but unfortunately you survived but later gave up to ghost, she said that you instructed her to claim the ($750,000.00) Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand dollars on your behalf before your death.  And here is her address she provided us to transfer the fund, Address: Spring Hollow Ct. Roswell, GA  30075. I will like to know and to confirm if you are the one that gave her the power of claim, if yes, kindly provide a letter of claim from a chief judge or from a reputable attorney in your country before we can release your Fund to her, if no, you are to quickly get back to me to avoid wrongful transfer so we will stop the release of your fund to the little lady who claimed to be your younger sister, okay.And she even say that she will pay for the dispensation international account opening fee of $105, so we are still searching if we can relaese the fund to her or not. 
So we can get her arrested because of the criminal act and it will soon be reported to the police authority. Use this  code as your subject when replying this mail to me (CODE SV01 AS YOUR SUBJECT) so that you can not make any misstake when getting back to me to arrest her.
Barrister Paul Edward

First of all the subject line is irresistible. My initial temptation was to send this reply. "Yes I am in fact dead. Fortunately some of us have internet access in the afterlife and having been a paragon of virtue my entire time as a mortal I am eternally online.  Also the deceased who possess cyber privileges do not have to deal with ads when watching you tube clips. Indeed there are no ads anywhere on heavenly websites. Best of all the comments sections have been disabled so there is no temptation to read any rude racists off topic illiterate screeds that typically follow well-thought out essays or posts. So in terms of post mortality web experiences death can be a real treat.
"Anyway thank you ever so for your email. I did not have a sister named Mary or anything else. Not a real one. I did have an imaginary sister Jezebel. Let me tell you she was a caution and about as real as the money you purport to have more...."

Most spam is merely clutter but gems like these do come along and they are to be cherished.

Here's an adorable TV show review by and IMDd user for a very short lived reality series called The Catalina:

The Catalina is a show for younger people that like to party and have fun.It's not meant to be a completely serious show,it's a fun show that shows a family of workers! It's always fun to see that work can be fun but still getting things done.I think this show is very entertaining. I don't think people are getting it enough credit, get your heads out of your asses and just learn to have fun and enjoy life a little bit! Cast is pretty funny and Morgan cracks me up I have a good friend that is a lot like her I love it! This hotel looks awesome if I ever come visit South Beach i'm staying at the Catalina! I also like the diversity of the cast cool to see all different kinds of people coming together and learning new things from each other !

I think the author's advice that we get our "heads out of your asses and just learn to have fun and enjoy life a little bit!" is spot on. People who cannot enjoy the televised garbage that is reality programming clearly have managed to do the seemingly impossible and placed their heads into their anal passages and  further are the type of individual incapable of enjoying life. Although if you can actually pull off that little trick with your head and buttocks you probably have conceived some pretty clever ways of enjoying life "a little bit!" The author celebrates the "diversity" of the cast. Usually when someone recognizes a TV show for diversity it means there's a token African American and someone who either looks or in fact is Latino. Judging from the show's poster that would be the case with Catalina. My daughters watched some of the Disney channel and Nickelodeon TV series when they were younger and the casts invariably included a Black kid who you'd swear was white if you just heard his or her voice.

Her review is not unusual. I see countless such defenses for bad shows and movies that are examples of the belief that the best defense is a good offense. The writers attack any would-be or actual critics of the show holding firm that this show or film is for fun so don't bring your high faultin' artsy attitudes about what's good and bad to this shlock. "Hey I know this candy is empty calories and will contribute to my obesity but its not meant to be nutritious it's just for fun to eat so leave me alone!"

For classic films there are countless IMDB user comments like this: "will someone explain to me why this is supposed to be so good? I just don't get why this is considered a classic. Don't get me wrong I tried to like it but...." Explaining to someone why a film is great is a futile exercise. If the person is 12 years old then just suggest they revisit the film in 10 or 20 years. A lot of my favorite films are ones I didn't at all like when I was younger. Tastes change as a person ages.

I leave you with this final IMDb user comment on Hitchcock's Rear Window:

I think my 6 years old cousin could build up a better thriller than this. 
Yeah it's a good movie, I gave it a 8 out of 10, but seriously, is it really that good? Of course, the directing is very very good, the acting is good, the sound and the cinematography are great for the 50's, but what the *beep* was that plot? 
It's such an easy story, I don't even get chills, this movie could have been so much better. They're so many moments in that film that just made me say: wtf is that, how dumb is that, oh wow the police are already there, oh yeah of course he hid something in the plants while he could've just put it with the rest, and the ending, oh gosh just a big lol at the end, yeah he'll just take 30 seconds to walk from the door to the chair while letting his eyes open...) 
Maybe I build up myself too much, but when you have a 8,7 grade and you're the 29th best film on IMDB, you're suppose to be really better than that. 
This movie is supposed to be: mystery and thriller. I watched a romance and a comedy! 
I mean... I liked Hitchcock work as a filmaker in this movie, really really, but the screenplay just wasn't good enough. 
P.S. to the ones that'll call me a hater or a Twilight fan, I'm not lol, I really loved Psycho as a matter of fact, may be I thought I'd get the same excitement throughout the movie...
 I checked and this commenter considers Titanic the best movie ever. Whattaya gonna do?

No comments: