10 July 2012

My Great Idea for a Money-Making Film In Which Too Much is Never Enough

I have a great idea for a film and I believe it could actually turn a profit. I am not copywriting this idea so its totally up for grabs. It's actually quite simple. Imagine this if you will: take an existing comic book hero and tell his story cinematically.  Ka-ching!

A charismatic, handsome big name male star should be in the lead. He should crack wise whenever possible. He should have no extreme character traits and be perfectly apolitical. While the gentleman should be muscular and quite masculine he should be neither overly buff nor unusually tall, leave that for the villains who I'll address later.

The hero should, of course, have an alter ego that is in stark contrast if not totally opposite to his super hero persona. No more than one or two others should now of his true identity. Our hero should have a humble assistant who is at his beck and call. Said sidekick should be witty, self effacing but every loyal. There need also be a love interest. This should be a female who is, shall we say, easy on the eyes. There need be some form of tensions between them, perhaps owing to his super heroic activities and to the woman's strong independent streak. The actress in the role should be popular, though need not either be a star not particularly skilled at acting. There should be a number of recognizable character actors sprinkled about the film, many respected older actors looking for a quick buck.

No hero is of any use without enemies. We should first introduce our hero easily besting some less competent but dastardly bad guys. Later, after we've developed some of our hero's back story (perhaps he has a dark past!!!) and the complications adherent to superheroing, we will meet a serious opponent. it might even be worthwhile to have said baddie be already known as respectable citizen, maybe even one who is acquainted with our hero. He should also be played a well known actor, maybe even one who has typically played sympathetic characters. The illusion should always be that this is actual serious film making and having beloved actors in the film fuels this fiction.

Villains are entitled to boast gargantuan proportions or even an unfair set of weapons. Of course the villain has wreaked havoc with the innocent and has more nefarious plans in the offing. His victory must be seen as catastrophic, this can be no mere bank robbery our hero is foiling.

The film must set up a final confrontation, a battle royal shall we say, between the hero (force of good) and the villain (force of evil). This battle must be a seesaw affair where our hero seems to on the verge of an easy victory before a sudden reversal puts the nogoodnik in a seemingly insurmountable advantage. However, through pluck determination and even a little bit of luck that those in the right are fully entitled to, our hero prevails.

Maybe the villain survives the defeat and we are set up for the inevitable series of sequels to come in which our hero is repeatedly tested in battles he will continually win. This is not so much a movie as a franchise with net profits as great as the number of suckers with extra ten and 20 bills.

The film should feature the latest and best in special effects, the more dazzling the better. They should help distract audiences from the true vacuity of the story. The action should be piled on hot and heavy with little room for rumination.  Fast cuts and quick editing are a must. Explosions and crashes are to be emphasized. Character development should be superficial and strictly stereotyped. Nothing truly human should be seen or felt at any time. After all this is cinema as distraction with no attempt at art. This will guarantee a tremendous payday for all investors. Remember this is a capitalist venture which means that the bottom line is the bottom and only line. Get the public hooked on the film like its a drug. They'll demand more such films with better and better special effects and more and more action. Too much will never be enough. Audience as addicts.

The rental and sale of DVDs will ensure further profits and even more can be obtained via product placement and commercial tie ins with brother industries such as fast food chains.

There it is. Yours for the taking. All I ask in return is a brief mention during the ten minute closing credits that roll on and on before a once packed theater that is nearly empty save for the spilled popcorn and Milk Duds boxes.

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