Educators Write the Darndest Things

For the last two school years I've being working as a substitute teacher while earning a certificate in Teaching English as a Foreign Language.  I've been to over to over 20 schools and more than 100 different classrooms.  One of the few benefits derived from this line of work is exposure to the unintentionally hilarious writings of people ostensibly in the business of educating the youth of America.

Here's a sampling of what I've come across.

*A sign in a classroom reminding students that they need to be quiet during, "role call." What sort of classroom was this? English.

*A notice about driver's education opportunities said: "Sessions begin in October. Each one will be five weeks until the end of school." I don't know what it means either.

*A notice in a high school classroom admonished students that "The use of fowl language and the blatant use of profanity must stop at our school."
Really, "fowl" language is a problem? Students actually go around talking like poultry?

*Here's a notice a principal sent around to the school staff:

"Absolutely....
No chewing gum in the classroom.  We are all professionals.  Let's act like one!"
Too bad you don't write "like one."

*From a notice about an upcoming Read-A-Thon:

"When you sign up you will receive a permission slip to take home and have a parent sign the slip and return the slip on Thursday, December 17 in the library during 1st and 2nd lunch and receive your pledge sheet and reading journal."
Stop the sentence already, I'm almost out of breath.

*And from a notice to students about a fundraiser: "The classroom that raises the most money for each read will have pizza party or ice cream party your choice."
My choice is that you learn a little punctuation!