24 November 2008
As a rather twisted service to my readers I'm going to give away the endings of some well-known films. This will be valuable to those of you who've never seen the movies and likely never will or have seen them but forgotten how they ended. This post really only need be avoided by people with no sense of humor.
The Sixth Sense (1999) It turns out the kid (played by Donnie and Marie's younger brother Haley Joel) was alive the whole time!
Alien (1979) The vicious alien kills all on board. Feeling much remorse he takes on a human form vowing to mend his ways. He moves to Boulder, Colorado and assumes the name Mork. He meets a young woman named Mindy and falls in love.
It's Wonderful Life (1946) The Baileys figure out that Potter pocketed the dough. They gather a posse and lynch the old bastard.
Downfall (2004) Hitler escapes from the advancing Russian army and vows revenge. Clips are shown of the forthcoming sequel, Downfall 2: Revenge of the Fuhrer.
The Importance of Being Ernest (1952) Turns out its not so important to be Ernest after all.
A Night at the Opera (1935) Alan Jones is deported to Italy. A grief stricken Kitty Carlisle takes her own life. Groucho, Chico and Harpo are unemployed and homeless.
Gone With the Wind (1939) Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Crying Game (1992) Someone we thought was one thing turns out to be another thing as indicated by the presence of a thing -- if you know what I mean.
Casablanca (1942) Seriously you've never seen the end of Casablanca? What's the matter with you?
Citizen Kane (1941) As if Nazi book burnings weren't bad enough, the United States sponsors sled burnings.
Planet of the Apes (1968) Charlton Heston totally loses it when he sees the Statue of Liberty realizing the NRA had taken things too far. (You might say he went ape.....)