29 August 2008

All Some People Ever Do Is Complain

I have strong feelings on a number of topics.  I am glad to share some of those with you now.

* While opposed to the death penalty I believe an exception should be made for people who talk in movie theaters.  Summary executions are a fit punishment.  The same consequences should await those whose cell phones go off during movies.

*No one should be allowed to strum a guitar in a public place unless they are accomplished at the instrument.

*Bicycles are to be ridden on streets not sidewalks.  They are called sideWALKS for a reason.

* Can we all agree to please stop using "no worries."  It sounds awkward, even slightly pretentious and too off hand.  (I'm reminded off George Constanza's complaint: "So self-absorbed and egotistical, it's like those hip musicians with their complicated shoes!")  Let's please just go with the standards like, "not a problem" or "don't worry about it."

*Another phrase that needs to go away is: "what can I say?"  You can SAY whatever the hell you want to SAY.  So just SAY it already.

*I'm also quite tired of "what I'm trying to say is..." Instead of telling us what you're TRYING to say, just SAY IT!  This is often accompanied by the equally odious, "don't get me wrong."  I'll damn well get you wrong if I want to.  Who are YOU to tell ME not to get YOU wrong?

* Equally tired is "get over it."  This is product of our 24 hour news cycle and ever changing culture.  You were raped, your family killed and your house pillaged?  Get over it!  That was yesterday for chrissakes.  Those Hurricane Katrina victims were still moaning about being homeless months later.

* Here's another one:  "Somebody needs to get a life."  Oh and what exactly is "a life"?  Who defines "a life"?  I heard a passerby complain about picketers once saying, "they need to get a life."  If all those people were at home watching Wheel of Fortune no one would complain that they need to get "a life."  But exercise their right of protest and they're suddenly lifeless.  Another one along those lines is "somebody has too much time on their hands."  Like that's a bad thing.  Don't we all strive to have more time?  Do we really have to fill up every second?  Can't we enjoy some leisure? Of course, the phrase is usually used about people who are exactly trying to do something.  The speaker just doesn't think it is a worthy endeavor -- unlike say watching Wheel of Fortune.

*We no longer need to hear any personal information about you while on line at the grocery store.  In other words, keep your cell phone conversations discreet.

* My fellow males:  put a shirt on!  The beach and pool are obvious exceptions but as a general rule do what women do in public and cover your breast.  I don't care how hot it is outside, woman have to cover up, so do you.

* The word anyway does not have an "s" at the end of it.  Got it?

*Please do not say the "quote unquote government" say the "quote 'government' unquote."  if you don't see the difference than never mind you can't be helped.

* Please note that we have all heard the question "working hard or hardly working?"  It was barely amusing the first time so drop it already.  Similarly if you respond to a question about what's going on in your life with "same ole, same ole," you sound like an absolute dolt.

*If you're going to use the phrase "you know what I mean?" do so sparingly and actually wait for a response. Better yet drop it completely.  Also don't use "you know" as verbal punctuation.  You know what I mean?

*You can't tell me that you don't know your handshake feels like putting a warm dry fish in someones hand.  So unless you have no muscles in your hand, firm up that grip -- guys especially.

*If someone is telling you about something wonderful or horrible that has recently happened to them it is not
a cue for you to try to recall a similar incident in your life.  It is a cue for your to LISTEN.

*Please do not act like someone is weird just because they don't like the same music as you do.  You can't imagine the grief I've gotten from people of my generation because I don't care for Springsteen but love Sinatra. Unless a person enjoys Nazi marching songs it's quite likely that their musical tastes are doing the world any harm.

*Don't use profanity in public or anywhere that there are people you don't know.  I'm f*cking serious here.

Believe or not I have a lot more but I want to get everyone together on these first.  Thanks for your cooperation.


Anonymous said...

I agree wholeheartedly, and see many of these conversational gaffes as symptomatic of a bigger problem: so much interaction between people is useless gum-flapping, noise to make noise, with no useful content. If we dropped our speech crutches, we might have more thoughtful and significant discourse, or at the very least more genuine interaction. If we could record our conversations, then play them back with the filler and inanity removed, we'd find we all actually SAY very little, I suspect!

Kathryn said...

talk about someone who needs to get a life....


Your Wife.

Starnarcosis said...

Ah, I long for the days of yesteryear, when a high school girl who said "golly" was fined a nickle for the charity box.
I nearly had a coronary one day when my child's second grade teacher answered a question with "Yeah, I seen that."