Remembering Niall, a Character Study

I thought of Niall today for the first time in, well, I don’t know how long. I last saw Niall in 1975 which come to think of it was fifty years ago. We were never exactly friends, I don’t recall Niall having any close friends but everyone liked him. He had a girlfriend, Christine. It was one of those deals where they were exclusive but they didn’t live together or anything. They both liked their independence. I don’t know what happened between them. For all I know they’re married with a passel of kids. Christine was tall and attractive but not beautiful. She always seemed serious and distant to me. Niall was also tall, maybe six-two. He was gangly with a large tuft of unkept hair on his head. I remember him wearing glasses but I also remember him without glasses on. So I can’t be certain. He paid little attention to his physical appearance as indicated by his always unruly hair. He always wore jeans, sneakers — Keds, I think — a simple dark tee shirt and a corduroy jacket. You’d think that Niall would have blended in wherever he went but be had a presence to him. You couldn’t help but notice him, though I’m not sure why. He didn’t do anything to draw attention to himself. He was never loud or boisterous, he didn’t tell jokes or talk a lot but you were always glad to see him.

Like the rest of us in our circle he was going to Cal. I can’t remember for sure his major. Might have been philosophy or English Lit. He always, and I mean always, had a paperback with him and he’d take every opportunity to read it. Unless he was perusing the Chronicle or some other newspaper. I remember Niall being described more than once as “well read.” Hell, I probably said it myself. Yeah, I think Niall preferred having his nose in his book or the paper than talking. But he was unfailingly polite. And smart too. Jesus, he was a bright guy but not at all pretentious about it. He was a good listener. If you talked to Niall it was always a two-way conversation. In fact, on a couple of occasions I saw him break off conversations with people who were rattling on. He suffered fools badly and had no patience for people who didn’t know when the hell to shut up. It was something about him I admired.

Niall followed politics avidly — hence the newspapers — and had some well-formed ideas but wasn’t fanatical about anything. Like most of us he was to the left of center but didn’t see issues through the prism of a political philosophy. He could get adamant about a point especially if it were related to empirically verifiable fact but he never raised his voice or got angry. Everyone respected Niall. But come to think of it he never got to close to anyone, not even Christine. None of us would have been considered his “best friend.” Was he aloof? Not in a way that put anyone off.

Cal was pretty good in football that year, they tied for the conference title and had the best offense in the country. Niall was among the group of us that went to games together and sat in the top row of the rooting section. He got into just like everyone else but he never went nuts after a touchdown. He’d talk about the game and the team and football in general with the rest of us but not as much as we did. He wasn’t obsessed. Niall followed the basketball team too. He was a decent player himself, good enough, I think to have played on the high school team but not much beyond that.

I don’t know what his musical tastes were. I’m pretty sure he liked contemporary rock like the rest of us. I remember him speaking highly of Neil Young and Laura Nyro but beyond that I’m not sure.  

He drove an old beat up VW Bug, but only rarely. Mostly he got around on a bike and wasn’t above taking the bus. I saw his flat once. It was pretty basic. He had a mattress on the floor, a desk and chair. A lot of books and papers were piled here and there. There was one poster on his wall. I think it was an Ansel Adams photo. He had a tiny black and white TV set that I imagine he used mostly to watch the news. 

Niall was known for only drinking two kinds of beverages, beer and coffee. Neither to excess. He liked the kielbasa at Top Dog. He sure didn’t have expensive taste in food.

I don’t know what happened to Niall after that school year. There are three friends of mine who were acquainted with Niall. I asked them. One said he went to grad school back east, another said he stayed in Berkeley but traveled in different circles, and the other said he moved back home for a year because his mother was real sick. But no one was sure of his hometown. I also got three different answers about his last name. One person said Quinn but I think he was confusing him with a British soccer player named Niall Quinn. Another said it was a Germanic last name. The third admitted he had no clue. This obviously renders googling Niall impossible.

So I’ve no idea what happened to him. I hope good things. Given how intelligent he was and how together he seemed I imagine his life has turned out well. Maybe he eventually married Christine. My friends didn’t remember seeing her after Niall left the scene. Could be they took off together. 

If anyone knows Niall, ask him to drop me line.

It's a Hodgepodge, Some of My Usual Complaints. Thoughts on the Universe and Political Musings

Marilyn Monore is not mentioned in this post but here's a photo of her anyway 

Among the most boring things a person can tell you about is how busy they were/are/have been. What can make it especially tedious is when the speaker is clearly proud of being “super busy.” It’s not a badge of honor, folks. What one should take pride in is having successfully carved out leisure time for themselves. Imagine thousands of years of civilization and people are still unable to make time to relax. How far have we really come?

I had a friend (may he be resting in peace) who would avail himself of any opportunity to tell me how busy he’d been. That obnoxious phrase from middle school always came to mind: “Am I supposed to be impressed?” I never was. He even mentioned once that he and his wife “like being busy.” Why on Earth would a person prefer to have every waking minute of every hour of every day filled? Is it that people are afraid? I think that’s part of it. People are afraid of down times when they might find themselves being contemplative, ruminative, staring into eternity. The empty moment can be terrifying.

Full confession: I like to fill my hours and days. I get nervous if I don’t. But here’s the difference. I often fill those hours with activities such as watching a movie or reading or a watching a proper football match. These are not exactly the traditional activities of someone who is “just so busy.”

The cousin to busy people are the ones who bought something for “such a bargain.” I remember three blokes at work talking about haircuts, two were bragging about how little they paid for their haircuts when the third said that he didn’t paid a cent for haircuts because he cut his own hair. I looked at his tresses and concluded that it’s true that you get what you pay for. It is with that belief that I pay a pretty penny for my haircuts and without the slightest regret. My hair (if nothing else about me) always looks good. 

Anyway, I’m not really interested in how little you paid for your socket wrench. Maybe if I’m shopping for one I’ll check in with you then.

But the most constant topic of conversation that I find tedious and that often makes me feel excluded is the goddamned weather. 

In my experience the vast majority of people are only happy if it’s at least seventy degrees without a cloud in the sky. Heaven forbid it should ever rain or that we enjoy a little variety in our skies.

I hear about what a “nice” day it is or was or will be constantly at work. Yawn. But this is especially annoying because sunny, warm days bore the hell out of me. I love clouds, fog, rain and cold. Fortunately I have a co-worker who shares my views on the weather and she is quite vocal about it. 

People enjoying unseasonably hot days is especially annoying given that global warming is here.

I’m also mystified by people raving about there not being “a cloud in the sky.” If it’s going to be a sunny day give me some big, puffy, white clouds. Much more interesting than a blank sky.

Did you know that there are more planets in the universe than grains of sand on Earth? Mathematically it’s impossible that not a single one does not host some form of life and the odds against there being intelligent life are astronomical. We’ve got company. Questions thus abound. Have they been here before? When, where, how often? Will they be popping back by? Is there some point when they’ll come out of hiding and make introductions? Scary question: what if they’re hostile? If they’ve got the technology to visit Earth from wherever the hell they started, then surely they’ve got weaponry that’s far superior to our pop guns.

As I understand it if life exists 100 light years away and they’re watching us from their homes they’ll be seeing us in 1925. If they’re a thousand light years away they’ll be seeing us in 1025. A million light years and they’re watching dinosaurs having the run of the place. Fascinating.

Speaking of weird (actually, no one was speaking of anything weird but do go on) I see that Republican Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Green is at odds with Trumpy. She has also apologized for her role in “toxic politics.” I’ve always found MTG to be an odious person but one has to give credit where it is due. Unlike so many Republicans (and for that matter Democrats) she’s got a backbone and refuses to cow tow to Trumpy no matter what he says or does. There’s still a million and half things about her that I have problems with — like her views on most everything — but it’s nice to see one of Trumpy’s loyalists doing the right thing in some circumstances. I wonder if this could be a trend and other members of the GOP will grown a spine. Sometimes I think there’s still hope for our democracy. Other times I see that Trumpy has again blasted late night host Seth Meyers calling for him to be fired and that the FCC Chair has reposted those comments. If they come after Seth there’s gonna be trouble.

How'd ya like the hodge hodge? 

Hallelujah! It's Time for Another Edition of Films I've Watched Lately Some of Which I Liked Greatly

The Commitments

The Commitments (1991) Parker. I love this movie. Doesn’t everybody? It’s nigh on impossible to watch without a broad grin on your face interrupted only by singing along with the film’s original and wonderful music. The Commitments is the story of an ambitious young man named Jimmy Rabbitte (Robert Arkins) in Northern Dublin who decides to form a soul band. To him the Irish are the blacks of Europe and Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland and Northerners the blacks of Dublin. He pulls together a seemingly motley crew including a lead singer with a temper and attitude, three female back up singers, a trumpeter with years of experience, a sax player, two guitarists, a pianist and a drummer who can’t get on with the lead singer so leaves and is replaced by their security  guard who is also a hooligan with an even fouler temper than the singer. They make marvelous music together. The movie is about their rapid rise and even faster fall. The coming apart is inevitable rather than sad. They had a great ride and for many the group was a springboard. Just wonderful fun to watch rich with humor and great music.

It Was Just an Accident (2025) Panahi. So many movies that are released these days are they kind you forget about seconds after you leave the theater. However they’re still making pictures like It Was Just an Accident that stay with you for days after.  It’s a difficult one to write about without tossing up spoilers. It’s a story of revenge. Can you extract it when given the chance? Can you do to him what he did to you ? Is it justice or lowering yourself to his level? How far will you go to right a wrong? And it’s not just one person wrestling with these questions, there are others involved too. Achieving a group consensus on such thorny questions is difficult. The highly acclaimed Jafar Panahi directed. He knows of what he speaks having been a prisoner of the repressive Iraqi regime. Iraq forms the setting for a movie that the word compelling was coined for.

Rachael Getting Married (2008) Demme. Seventeen years and one day after seeing this movie in a theater I watched it again. Anne Hathaway stars but does not play Rachel. She is the bride’s sister, Kym, on leave from rehab. Goodness me but Ms. Hathaway played an addict to perfection. It takes one to know one so I’m quite confident in this assertion. Kym is only newly sober and being with her tempestuous family on such a big occasion is not ideal. But here we are, it’s a wedding and despite the fractiousness that plagues some of the family (much of it caused by Kym) she’s obliged to be there. Kym’s an addict. It’s all about her. She’s a coked up bovine in a china shop triggering everyone around her. But she was the character I most related to. The others were weirdly normal with all of their mundane idiosyncrasies, issues and agendas. When speeches are made and Kym’s goes on too long and becomes all about Kym -- I backed her all the way. Jonathan Demme directed this fine film which is — as much as anything else — an exploration of the personality of the addict. He got it right. Here’s what I wrote about when it was first in theaters and I last saw it in 2008.

The Battle of Algiers (1966) Pontecorvo. I’ve watched it twice recently and after this latest viewing promptly put it on my top 100 films of all time list. No, I don’t know why it wasn’t there before. As indicated in a recent post it’s a great film for us revolutionaries. You’d be excused for watching it and thinking that was part documentary or that actual footage from the revolution in Algeria in the late 1950s was used.  As I said in my recent post on “Films to Inspire you in the Coming Revolution”: "By giving voice to the French army it broadens the scope of the story and puts it into greater historical context. Insurgency, occupation and resistance have never been more compelling on the big screen." 

In a Lonely Place (1950) N. Ray. I got a strong recommendation to read the book of the same name upon which this film is based. Dorothy B. Hughes’ novel from 1947 is one of the better noir novels of its time and its time included the works of Raymond Chandler. The book is highly original, a captivating read and superbly told. The movie version is watered down, a pale comparison, badly altered, stripped of the book’s brilliance and a shallow husk of a movie. I don’t know that the great Humphrey Bogart was the right choice as the lead. I know that Gloria Grahame, as fine an actress as she was, was miscast. I also know I had a delightful time reading the book and was bored senseless by the movie. A lot of people like the film. No idea why.

The Mastermind (2025) Reichardt. The title character is not mastermind but he is smart. He’s also self-centered and thoughtless. He’s something of a misfit, a failure and you could get away with calling him a loser. He steals a few paintings easily enough but this is not a well-planned heist and he did not surrounded himself with the best and the brightest. It’s no spoiler to say the law is soon on to him. This is a helluva good film. I could tell when I looked at Rotten Tomatoes and saw that it had a 91% from critics and a 38% from the hot polloi. Your average Joe and Josephine no doubt were expecting to see a slick heist carried out by a daring hero with a gorgeous lover and eccentric and savvy accomplices. Instead they got a movie about a failure. It may not be for the mainstream but I think it another terrific film from director Kelly Reichardt whose got a slew of excellent films to her name (such as First Cow, Certain Women, Showing Up and Meek’s Cutoff).

I Answer Your Questions About Hippies (actually they're my questions but you probably have them) In Another Look at the Sixties

Do we still have hippies today? Like so much about hippies, that’s a matter of opinion and it’s an opinion that people are very divided on. To some the hippies were a phenomenon of the Sixties perhaps extending into the very early Seventies. To others hippies are eternal so surely they exist today. Perhaps exploring the other questions about hippies will help you make up your own mind on the subject.

(For purposes of this exercise the questions will be formed in the past tense in the assumption that hippies are no more. This does not betray my opinion on whether hippies are still around or not.)

Were all hippies unemployed? We have to be careful with absolutes here. Surely most hippies by their very nature did not have jobs and those that did had what we’ll call casual jobs. Examples: selling drugs, especially marijuana; selling pottery they themselves made; selling tie dye clothing, particularly shirts, again of their own making. Many were “into” arts and crafts, pottery being a particular favorite. They might also vend fruits and vegetables. Hippies would not be found working in business aside from perhaps a bookstore, record store, used clothing store or “head shop” which specialized in drug paraphernalia. They also might make a little cash playing  music but if they were really good than they were musicians not hippies.

Did all hippies have long hair? Again not all but certainly the vast majority. This would apply to both men and women. Long hair was one of the main symbols of hippiedom but then some hippies might be bald or have shaved their heads.

How about beards? Hard to estimate but I’ll say somewhere around two-third of hippie men had beards. Hippies did not generally shave body hair, for women this meant armpits and legs could be pretty hairy.

What kind of clothing did hippies wear? Generally loose clothing. Oversized shirts and blouses. Women would wear long skirts or dresses or jeans or cut-offs. Mean wore jeans. Sandals were standard. No bras for women. Underwear was optional as were socks. Indeed if a hippie was not wearing sandals it was likely because they were barefoot which was quite common among hippies. Some wore headbands. Some wore tie dye. Certainly no button down shirts. Tee shirts with slogans on them were common, often promoting a band or a political movement or Native Tribes. A nice jacket might be worn ironically over an otherwise shabby outfit. Hats of all variety might be worn but baseball caps were rare.

Did hippies bathe regularly? I think it’s mostly a myth that hippies were dirty and smelly. Some surely were. Grooming, make up, hair styling were frowned upon but not bathing.

What did hippies eat? Their dining habits were not much different than anyone else’s. That said a hippie was more likely to be vegetarian than a non-hippie (or straight). Many hippies were “into” natural and organic foods before it was faddish.

How about beverages, particularly alcohol? Hippies liked wine, often of the cheaper variety that came in jugs. Red Mountain was popular. They’d also drink beer and hard alcohol, usually straight and often out of the bottle. They were not into mixed drinks.

Did they drink a lot? Most of them did, yeah.

They were heavy drug users, weren’t they? Mostly of marijuana — which contrary to myths is not usually a gateway drug. They were also into psychedelics whether LSD, mescaline or magic mushrooms. Indeed these were integral to the hippie culture. I think it would be rare to encounter a hippie who dabbled in heroin, speed or even cocaine. They were all about new levels of consciousness and higher plains of enlightenment. Psychedelics fit in with the zeitgeist.

Were hippies religious? They eschewed traditional organized religions such as Christianity, Judaism and Islam. I’d say they were more spiritual than religious. Many were big on facets of Eastern religions like Buddhism. A lot of hippies mediated and some followed gurus. But the Bible was definitely not for them.

Were they more sexually active than most other people? Absolutely. Many were monogamous but others had open relationships. If they were single they were generally promiscuous. Again, not all, but most. Hippies were known for not having inhibitions. To that end they weren’t shy about nudity and loved skinny dipping.

What were the political views of the hippies? Way to the left. The hippie heyday was during the U.S. War in Vietnam and the draft both of which they were adamantly opposed to. Hippies could be classified as socialists, communists, anarchists but they tended not to align with political parties. Much to their credit they were for equality and social justice and were anti-racist. 

Did hippies eschew sports? Certainly traditional ones. Although some were baseball fans and some liked basketball or soccer. But they were more about hacky sack. Most abhorred American football, it was too militaristic. They did not avidly follow pro or college teams. Hiking and swimming were chief forms of exercise.

How did hippies get around? Not in new cars. Old ones yes, especially VW Bugs and VW Vans. Vans were common. A few hippies had trucks. Bikes were not uncommon. Hitchhiking was how many hippies got around.

Was rock their preferred music? Pretty much.

What else did hippies have in common? They tended to like incense. They often went in for things like palm reading, tarot cards and astrology. Not that they totally rejected science. They were as likely to have pets as anyone else. Some were readers, some were not. Most kept up with the news but they tried to do it through the alternative press and FM radio. They were not big TV watchers, certainly not of traditional television fare. They had particular tastes in film. Some hippies were really nice and others were horrible people — just like the rest of the population. They tended to be pacifists. 

So do hippies walk among us today? I suppose you could say some people represent a lot of the hippie ethos based on their lifestyle but the hippie of the Sixties (“hippie type” was the common phrase) is no more.

What happened to the hippies of the Sixties? Mostly they got old and died. Many of them found their lifestyles were not sustainable particularly if they wanted a family and/or security. They abandoned their tie-dyes and bought suits and joined the corporate world. Obviously a lot of them eased into a straighter life and maintained a lot of the hippie values and continued to espouse the benefits of alternative lifestyles.

Did hippies have a negative or positive impact on the culture? Mostly positive. They were all about personal freedom, questioning authority and established norms. They helped pave the way for second wave feminism and gay rights. They were integral to what was then called the ecology movement. They helped the push for organic foods. They were a key part of the sexual revolution which was liberating for society. They can also be credited with helping make marijuana legal. They were on the right side of history in many ways.

But weren’t there bad things about the hippies too? They were used as cover by the likes of Charles Manson and drug dealers and sexual predators. This was not necessarily on them. However there was a certain naiveté about hippies. They were too stoned, to off in their own world to properly deal with a society based in rapacious capitalism. But remember at their core the hippies message was: peace and love. Nothing wrong with that.

One last thing: did hippies really say things like, “far out,” and “groovy”? Yup. They’d also frequently flash the peace sign. Other common expressions included: keep on truckin’, right on, dig it, my old lady or my old man (for boyfriend or girlfriend), mellow and bummer.

Welcome to my Blog! Stick Around for a Bit, Browsers Welcome!!!

The Streams of Unconsciousness office is always busy

Never visited my blog before? Welcome!

It’s odd that this is your first visit, I’ve been here since May 2008. That’s seventeen-and-a-half years of blog posts. Close to 1,700 posts. In the early years of the blog I focused on writing about movies and if you look at recent posts you’ll note I still frequently write about films. I am a cinephile. Among my favorite types of motion pictures are those of such directors as Ingmar Bergman, Woody Allen, John Ford, Andrei Tarkovsky, Howard Hawks, Luis Buñuel, Aki Kaurismäki, Preston Sturges, Alfred Hitchcock, Joel and Ethan Coen, Federico Fellini, Stanley Kubrick, Charles Chaplin, Roberto Rossellini, Akira Kurosawa, Martin Scorsese, Hal Ashby and Louis Malle. That’s to name a few. I also like American films from the 1970s and 1930s and early ‘40s. Many of my favorites movies are foreign films from the 1950s and 1960s. I’m not so keen on recent cinema although there are always good movies coming out. One of the best years in film was as recent as 2023. That’s an exception though. You’ll not see much here about the big blockbusters that blast their way through theaters in the Summer. I abhor “movies” from the Marvel Universe and virtually all fantasy/sci fi/superhero pictures. Not fond of about 99% of the horror movies ever made. The vast majority of recent romcoms do not interest me either. If one were to call me a film snob I’d plead guilty.

What else do I write about here? A fair amount about mental health issues having suffered them most of my life. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, addiction are all topics I explore, usually based on personal experience. I always hope that those posts find an audience that needs it, people who need to know that they are not alone. I often include suggestions on how to cope with various emotional pains. Depression is a tough one, but there are ways to mitigate its pain.

I also share stories from my life. I’ve been around for a long time (long enough to remember the Kennedy assassination) that I have tales to tell. These can include yarns from my youth and college days. I write about friends. I write about my parents. My father was a great Dad. My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic and thus not the greatest of moms, indeed as bad as one can get. I often reference my wife and only in the most glowing of terms. She’s an incredible woman and the fact that she’s my mate is a clear indication of how lucky a man I am. I’ll also make reference to my lovely daughters who I’m enormously proud of. One is getting married next month and I’m quite pleased.

I’ve been a teacher for nearly forty years so inevitably I have much to say about the profession. I’ve written many a post offering advice and words of wisdom to new and aspiring teachers. I’ve heard good things about some of those posts. 

It’s not unusual for me to write about politics. I have strong opinions (seems everyone does these days). I would describe my political views as to the left of Bernie Sanders. I’m an old Sixties radical with little faith in capitalism to offer anything but greed. We are today seeing the very rich compounding their wealth while the very poor continue to suffer. That’s an example of capitalism in it’s purest form. Speaking of the Sixties I write a lot about that time period too, having lived through it, studied it and written a novel set then. Yes, I’ve written novels. Five so far. Two of which I’ve self-published, the third — the one set in the Sixties — I’m currently trying to find an agent for. The other two are waiting their turn. A sixth is in progress.

You’ll also find humor pieces here. Some of them are actually funny. Others maybe not so much but they all serve to amuse me and you might like them too. All my life I’ve been known for my keen wit. Was always the class clown in school.

I also share short fiction on the blog. There isn’t one kind of story I write. Some of them have angels or aliens, many are dramas, slice of life type pieces. Some are unquestionably quite good and others are okay.

A good way to sample the blog is to look at the labels on the right. They’re not one hundred per cent accurate. I often forget to use particular ones but they’re a good guide. Among the labels are “favorite posts” which as you can imagine are what I consider my better writings. Why not sample them? I’ve also labeled some “favorite fiction” these are the stories that I think most people would like.

I’d like to recommend my travel posts which were written on trips to Europe or back east (I live in Berkeley, California). You might learn a bit about a particular place from them.

You’ll also note that among the labels I have one for my top 100 films of all time. That’ll tell you as much as you need to know about my taste in films. 

Also among the labels are many of my favorite directors and a few of my favorite actors/actresses. You might learn a thing or two about movies from my blog. I hope that some of my posts steer people towards particular films, or directors or genres or time periods.

I also write a fair amount about words and language. I get persnickety about the misuse and overuse of certain words — don’t get me started.

So I hope you find something you like and come back. Tell your friends, relatives, neighbors, acquaintances, co-workers, cellmates, customers, clients, patients, care providers, students, teachers, employers, employees, teammates, flatmates, tenants, landlords, congresspeople, higher ups, underlings, proteges, mentors, mentees, tutors, tutees, coaches, therapists, physicians, trainers, babysitters, lovers, fellow gang members, affiliates, associates, bandmates, sponsors, dealers, advisors, professors, lodge brothers and sisters, in-laws, manicurists, hair stylists, tailors, baristas, ITs, milkmen, stalkers, rivals, paramours, officers, elevator operators and alchemists. 

As 'Fairyland' Proves, There's More Than One Way to Raise a Child

Question: How would I most like to be remembered?

Answer: As a good father. Everything else is cherry on top of the cake. It seems I’ve done all right considering how well the two young women I raised are doing. 

I never found parenting terribly difficult though admittedly this is in large part due to my wife who has always been  such an incredibly good mother. To me the first rule of parenting is: do no harm. This is a rule that — sadly — my mother violated in spades due to her mental illness. The second rule is to love your children unconditionally. That should be fairly simple. There are other rules but those first two are far and away the most important and all the others should fall into place if you practice one and two.

Parenting was very much on my mind when I saw the film, Fairyland on Sunday. The film begins in 1974. Steve Abbot finds out that his wife has died in a car crash. Left behind with him is their young daughter, Alysia. Steve and Alysia move from the Midwest to San Francisco into an apartment that they’ll share with others. It is a Bohemian atmosphere that is initially unsettling to the girl. But Steve thrives as he steps out of the closet and finds a lover among his flatmates.

There are trials and tribulations for a single father in the best of circumstances, when the father embraces an alternative lifestyle — midstream — and in doing so prioritizes his own needs, the child can feel left behind. Especially if at times she literally is.

Over the years the two clash over Steve’s unorthodox and lax parenting. Children like structure. But the pair love each other and Steve provides what his daughter needs. The proof is in what a fine young woman she grows up to be, eventually earning a scholarship to NYU and doing a year’s study in Paris.

This is director Andrew Durham’s feature debut and in it he shows great promise. The movie very much captures the feeling of San Francisco in the ‘70s and ‘80s as archival footage is seamlessly mixed in. We see scenes of the then burgeoning gay pride movement and the consequences of the AIDS crisis which devastated the Bay Area’s gay community. It would not be a spoiler to say that AIDS plays a significant role in the movie’s final third.

Alysia takes no issues with her father's sexuality (that she became aware of it at such a young age helps) but naturally has questions. Children questioning their parents' lifestyle is nothing new and practically became de rigueur in the Sixties.

But this more a movie about the many ways two people can love each other. Their's is a love that requires patience, understanding and flexibility (I guess to an extent all love does). The word unconventional keeps coming up in thinking about their relationship. There’s naught wrong with that especially when one considers how badly a lot of conventional parenting goes.

Alysia is a strong, resilient girl who grows into a strong resilient woman. It’s her father who’s a free spirit, vulnerable and often flaky. You might at times wonder who’s raising whom. But, as they say, whatever works and through their love it all works in the end.

There are a lot of ways to raise a child but you can’t do it well without love.