A Real Pain, A Real Good Movie

There are moments of discomfort in the new film A Real Pain from Jesse Eisenberg (he wrote, directed and co-stars). Awkward moments. Uncomfortable moments. Those why-couldn’t-he-just-keep-his-mouth-shut moments. And they are very much a part of the film’s charm and it’s successful dives into deeper meaning.

This is not just a road picture or a buddy picture or a mismatched pair picture, it is all of those and more. It is a movie that is so much more than we expect.

I’ve never been a fan of Eisenberg — until now. If he can make films like this he’ll have won a place in my cinematic heart. I have been a fan of Kieran Caulkin since his brilliant work on Succession and I’m a bigger fan today. His performance betrays the considerable depth of his talent.

Caulkin and Eisenberg play cousins from New York who join a tour group in Poland to see Jewish heritage sites. They are paying homage to their recently deceased grandmother who was a Holocaust survivor. Eisenberg’s David has a stable life with a steady job, wife and precocious child and he's OCD. Caulkin’s Benjy boasts none of the above, but he does enjoy getting stoned and shooting from the hip. You can tell cuz is waiting for Benjy to get his act together, Despite their difference the pair has been close practically since birth (they were born only days apart). So they have a history and as in all relationships, even especially close ones, it’s not all peaches and cream. This comes out in the course of the film as does Benjy’s especially close relationship with grandma and the fact that he hasn’t fully processed her passing. Indeed a lot of issues emerge through the course of the movie some of which involve their traveling companions and tour guide.

It’s an interesting mix of characters including Jennifer Grey as a woman recovering from being abandoned by a cheating husband. An older married couple lack depth, being barely more than cardboard cutouts but this is the lone complaint I can find about an otherwise excellent film. There is also a survivor of the Rwandan genocide who's converted to Judaism and a British tour guide who's an endless font of information, so much so that it annoys the unfiltered Benjy.

A picture like this benefits from occasional lightness and there is plenty of  humor to go along with pathos and piquant moments. One can’t help but like the cousins and root for them and as a bonus their story provides insight into pain -- both the kind we grow up with and that is in our DNA from past horrors. It is miraculous when we can uncover pain and move on a stronger people.

A final note: there’s a scene in which the group visits a a former concentration camp where the Nazis perpetrated some of their horrors. It is mostly silent, as was the theater when I watched it. Not even the sound of popcorn being chewed. Kudos to Eisenberg the director for setting just the right tone for the viewer.

Clyde "Needs" a Drink, A Short Story of Early Recovery

Clyde wanted a drink. It had been a brutal day at the office capped off by a hellish commute. Apparently there’d been an accident on the bridge. Clyde hated sitting in traffic and he hated coming home late because of it. He was stewing. A tall glass of whiskey would do the trick. Take the edge off. Allow Clyde to relax, sink into his La-Z-Boy, zone out on the TV while waiting for Eva to finish dinner. A whiskey would do the trick, all right.

But no. There was no more whiskey or any other kind of booze in Clyde’s life. Not anymore. After twenty-five years of easing the pain through alcohol, Clyde was off the stuff for good. Too often that one drink had led to six, seven, eight, nine drinks. Too often Clyde had gotten blotto, blacked out, sometimes terrorizing Eva and the kids. She’d been on the verge of leaving him and taking the kids with her when he finally wised up and went to AA. He’d been sober for two months. He’d traded one problem for another. He was no longer a stinking drunkard but he no longer had a coping mechanism. Booze had gotten him into a lot of messes, but it had also gotten him through a lot of stress and anxiety.

Not getting high was difficult, managing life without booze seemed impossible. For the millionth time Clyde bemoaned the fact that he couldn’t stop at one or two drinks. Oh sure sometimes he had, but too often that second segued right into a bender. Trying to cut back never worked.

Tonight would be a good night to hit an AA meeting but Clyde just didn’t have the energy to get back in the car and drive for twenty minutes and sit for an hour then drive back home. That would be nearly two hours from what was left of his evening, and thanks to the commute from hell he had less evening than usual. No, he’d just sit here and stew. Maybe turn the damn TV on and see if that could distract him from the overwhelming desire to bolt out of the house to the nearest bar and have a good stiff one.

Eva emerged from the kitchen and sat down for what was obviously supposed to be a pleasant husband and wife chat. Such conversations were easier for Clyde back when he had a buzz going.

“Dinner’ll be ready in ten minutes, hon. So other than a lousy commute, how was your day?”

“Busy, stressful, nothing much to talk about, frankly.”

“You thought about about going to a meeting tonight?”

“God, Eva you can’t manage my sobriety I have to make those decisions myself, it’s up to me to stay sober.”

“Just asking.”

“Yeah, sure, I’m sorry. I’m just too tired tonight, I’ll go to that sunrise meeting in the morning and then hit one tomorrow night.”

“Would you rather not talk?”

“Eva….I just, I’m afraid this whole sobriety deal is making me a little cranky. I’m so used to having a drink after work to calm down. It’s hard, is all.”

“I love you Clyde.”

Clyde looked over at his wife. She was beautiful. Petite, tanned, wearing a short dress, looking more like thirty than the forty-five she actually was. Eva was smiling sweetly at him. Clyde realized how lucky he was.

“I love you too, Eva. Thanks for being so patient with me.”

“Your worth it.” She got up and kissed him on the forehead. “I’ll call you to dinner in a few minutes. Would you let the kids know we’re about to eat?”

Daughter Sela and son Declan were in their respective rooms. Clyde loved his children. Sela was fifteen and Declan thirteen and both had survived their Dad’s drinking bouts and still loved him. Clyde knew that the only way to stay sober was to do it for yourself, but Eva and the children were inspirations. They didn’t deserve a drunk in the house.

Clyde let the kids know to get ready for dinner and was headed for the kitchen himself when the phone rang. A phone call is not what he needed right now.

It was his damn boss, Ed Levit. Ed was a tough son of a bitch. Everyone at work respected the hell out of him, but not a soul liked him. How could you like a fella with such a tough exterior? 

Ed had never called Clyde at home before. Clyde was sure it was bad news.

“Sorry to call you at home, Clyde, but it’s something of an emergency. I had to let Ben Evans go today, I’m pretty darn sure he was skimming and I may look into criminal prosecution, but that’s not for you tell anyone. Anyhow, I need you to fill in for him at the meeting tomorrow, can you do that?”

“Sure I can.” Clyde was shocked to hear about Ben Evans but was pleased he’d be pinch hitting for him.

“So look the other part of this is that I’d like you to take Ben’s position. Before you say anything one way or the other you need to know that it’d mean more work and more responsibilities but another $100 a week in your paycheck plus a bigger year-end bonus. You can think about it overnight if you need to.”

Clyde did not need to think about it overnight or even for another second. “Sure, hell yes, a promotion. Don’t need to think about that.”

“Great, we’ll talk about it over lunch tomorrow. So the meeting’s at 9:00. See me about half an hour before and I’ll prep you.”

“You can count on me.”

“I know I can. Thanks, Clyde. Have a good night.”

“You too, boss. Good night.”

After hanging up Clyde literally jumped for joy.

The family talked about it over dinner. Everyone was delighted about the extra income but Eva was worried about the extra hours.

“Hell, it won’t be that much. Maybe a late day a couple of times a week, an hour, two at the most. A very occasional weekend I might have to go in. I can handle it. Just to make you feel better I’ll call my sponsor after dinner and like I said earlier I’ll hit two meetings tomorrow.”

Clyde did just that. He was going to take his sobriety one day at a time. Maybe he’d be okay.

For Some Reason I Take This Opportunity to Seize the Day and Write About Words and Expressions

Have you ever taken an opportunity? People do it all the time. They say, “I’d like to take this opportunity to…” In addition to being taken opportunity is capable of knocking. “When opportunity knocks…” An opportunity is also something you shouldn’t miss. “Don’t miss this opportunity to…” Some opportunities are seldom seen. “This is a rare opportunity to…..” You can also seize an opportunity which seems overly aggressive to me especially as you can simply take one. Why seize when you can take? Of course some opportunities are “once in a lifetime.” 

In addition to opportunities, you can also seize a day. You know, as in carpe diem. But has anyone ever told you that they seized a day? “How was your day, Ralph?” “Great, I totally seized it.” Wonder what it’s like to seize a day? What does it entail? I don’t understand the mechanics of it. I’m not even sure of the purpose of seizing a day. 

Seize and siege are very similar words. Switch the two vowels and choose between a g and a z. They’re not totally unrelated words either. When an invading army tries to seize a city they often face a siege. In other words an attempt to seize led to a siege. But to not a sneeze which is a totally unrelated word (it rhymes, though) but has no letter I in it. And why won’t my computer let me type a lower case I all by itself? Maybe there’s a way to do but my laptop keeps making it upper case which is fine if you’re writing about yourself as in: “I can’t seem to type a lower case I by itself and I find this aggravating.” 

I learned the word aggravating from Jackie Gleason (you kids will have to look him up). He was doing a stand up bit on his weekly variety show about things that are aggravating. I don’t recall how old I was other than I wasn’t old enough to fully understand the word aggravating. For some reason there was no adult around to consult. Did I look up aggravating in the dictionary? Didn’t need to. Figured it out from context clues. That’s how we learn most words. Take it from me, I teach the English language for a living to people from other countries.

Imagine that we call our jobs what we do “for a living.” That seems pretty damn serious. You work to live. I mean I suppose that in some cases you do. You don’t work, you don’t have any money and you starve or die of exposure. I always found: “what do you do for a living?” A strange question. Weirder yet is when people abbreviate it by asking, “what do you do?” Well, sir, I do one helluva lot of things. Doesn’t everybody? We define people by their jobs. He’s a carpenter, she’s a fashion designer, he’s an accountant, she’s a pharmacist. Is that all we are? You can also say someone’s a Democrat or a Conservative or a Catholic or a drug addict or a Giants fan or jerk or a bitch or user or a sagittarius or Gen Xer or a stamp collector (philatelist). One word can define a person for a lot of people. In truth one word can convey a lot — like racist — but it’s mostly, even in the case of racists, one part of who a person is. (I was taught not to end sentences with an auxiliary verbs, but screw it, it’s like you’re not supposed to end a sentence a preposition with.)

I mention being Gen X in the preceding paragraph (you can look it up). You’ve also got your Gen Zs and your millennials not to mention your baby boomers. I hate this crap. It’s another way of classifying people, usually stereotyping them. “Oh you’re a Gen Z so you probably….” Or, “He’s Gay so he probably….” Or “She’s African American so she probably…” Or worse, “he’s a typical….” Why strip away people’s individuality, put them in a box, assume a person feels one way or another because of when they were born or what color they are or who they sleep with? Is Bob over there a Gen Xer, an Aquarius, non-binary, a college student. Or is Bob simply a person who I haven’t gotten to know and I refuse to make any assumptions about? Bob maybe isn’t a typical anything, maybe he’s just good ole Bob. 

A few paragraphs up I said that something happened “for some reason.” We use that one a lot. In truth every fucking thing happens “for some reason.” I had written that “for some reason” there was no adult around. Why did I do that? Obviously it’s used to convey the fact that the writer or speaker has no frickin’ idea why something was the case. I don’t recall why I was alone watching The Jackie Gleason Show when it was a family show. I guess using “for some reason” isn’t the worst sin in the world but it still seems weird — for some reason.

Okay for some reason I’m going to take this opportunity to conclude this blog post. I guess that’s just typical of a Baby Boomer, socialist, Pieces, Arsenal supporter, Berkeley native.

RIP American Democracy July 4, 1776 to January 20, 2025

I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear how Biden should have done this or that the Harris campaign screwed up or any nonsense other than this is what the American people want and frankly deserve. This is a country full of xenophobic, racist, misogynistic idiots. People looked in the shop window saw a steaming pile of shit and said, "I'll have that." They selected a lying, narcissistic, whining criminal who's on the verge of dementia. They picked someone wholly unfit for any elected office. They picked someone who admires dictators, doesn't believe climate change is real, demonizes immigrants. They picked a boor who lacks an ounce of empathy, who demeans the political process, who has no respect for freedom of speech or freedom of the press. Hell, he doesn't understand let alone respect the constitution of the United States.

I also don't ever want to hear some idiot politician say of the U.S.: this is the greatest country in the world. If they do utter that meaningless platitude just point them to this election. Just point out Trumpy and remind them that the American people gave him the presidency twice, despite his criminality despite his abuses, despite his insults, despite his stupidity, despite his recklessness. Despite the fact that he has said (and this is one of many, many examples) without the slightest bit of evidence that wind turbines cause cancer, kill thousands of birds and effect the mental health of whales. That's the guy. That's the once and future president of the United States. He'll say ANYTHING and people will swallow it whole, then say, more please.

How do you offer hope at a time like this? The magnitude of what the American people have done is incalculable. It beggars belief and there's no telling what it portends. We can say what it reflects: this is nation of the idiots, by the idiots and for the idiots and it may soon perish from this Earth.