22 March 2023

The Return (Again) Of Trivia Fun

George Washington, our only Chinese-American president

Many life coaches now have assistant life coaches working under them.

George Washington is to date our only Chinese-American president.


In addition to spying for the Soviet Union, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were enthusiastic canasta players.


Biblical scholars believe that purgatory is a large waiting room with coffee-stained magazines and a broken water fountain.


Many mathematicians have become less interested in the square roots of numbers and are now focusing on rounder or even oval shaped roots.


Seconds before creating the universe God reportedly said: “wait for it….”


According to historians, despite its name, the Boer War was quite exciting.


While returning to Earth after the first moon landing, Neil Armstrong was frustrated to realize he’d left behind his waffle iron.


Entomologists believe that as many as forty per cent of all male bees are nicknamed, Buzz.


The notion that salad forks should go on the outside was first posited on the Rosetta Stone.


The real full maiden name of Dagwood Bumstead’s wife Blondie was Delores Plunk.


The most asked question in Scotland is “can I have more haggis, please?”


Algernon is the most common name for Yorkshire terriers in Romania.


The alien who appears at the end of Close Encounters of the Third Kind was played by Jack Nicholson.


The U.S. Department of Transportation has a division strictly for rickshaws.


Elmer Fudd was intended to be anti-semitic. 


Jesus Christ’s nephew Lyle supposedly did a spot on impersonation of the Messiah.


Nikita Khrushchev was obsessed with hula hooping.


Nostradamus incorrectly predicted that cock fighting would someday be America’s national pastime.


Robert Burns originally wrote that the “best laid pans” of mice and men often go awry after having trouble putting a skillet away.

20 March 2023

Meeting a Famous Person, Defining Woke and Ballpark Prices


Woody Allen and Dick Cavett

If you could meet a famous person, who would you choose?


This was a discussion topic I tossed my students’ way a few days ago. I’ve used it regularly over the years. Today I thought I’d field the question myself.


I would love to meet Dick Cavett who during some of my formative years hosted a late night chat show. The Dick Cavett show can be found on the Decades network nightly at six though it appears that its days there are numbered. In any event, I always greatly admired Cavett the comedian, the interviewer and the writer (I have all his books, a couple of which are comprised of the columns he wrote for the New York Times). I always related to Cavett, we had a version of the same first name (I’ve never been a Dick — well not by name, anyway). We are of about the same height (not tall) and are blonde. We are both wits though I’d be the first to admit that he is my superior. He has also always leaned to the left (though not quite as far as I have) and even made Nixon’s enemies list (Tricky Dick did not know enough of yours truly to place me on it). Cavett is one of three great U.S. chat show hosts (my opinion, of course) along with David Letterman and Seth Meyers. (Jack Paar, Steve Allen and Johnny Carson would rank just behind them.)


I would also like to meet Woody Allen maybe especially given how he has suffered unfairly from false and easily disprovable accusations. Of course more than that he is my second favorite director of all time (Ingmar Bergman is first). First as a comedian and later as a director/actor/screenwriter/essayist he’s given me countless hours of entertainment over the last six decades. Maybe I could do a two-for-one and meet both Cavett and Allen, after all they are life long friends.


I’d also thrill at meeting Paul McCartney another celebrity who has been enriching my life through his art since I was a child. Plus, and you probably know this, he's a Beatle.


If any of you are in a position to affect introductions I would greatly appreciate it.


*********************************************


A conservative author, Bethany Mandel, who wrote a book about how wokeism is harming American youth failed to define the term in a recent interview. Hilarious. If you’re a conservative and something scares or threatens you, simply call it woke, nothing is more terrifying and never mind that you can’t define your terms. This is today’s conservative: divorced from reality, creating false narratives, straw man arguments and scaring the bejeezus out of each other. They’re bent on destruction with no ideas or plans to offer (other than tax cuts for their wealthy patrons). By the way, here’s how our good friends at Merriam Webster define woke:  “aware of and actively attentive to important societal facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice)." I can see how that would scare the hell out of a conservative. 


*********************************************


Someone recently tweeted a list of concession prices for the San Francisco Giants 1971 baseball season. It should come as no surprise that by today’s standards everything was ridiculously cheap. The most expensive of the four hot dogs on offer was a staggering 75 cents, a hamburger was 65 cents, a beer 50 cents and a “premium” beer 60. Sodas were a quarter. Today a twenty dollar bill would not cover the price of a burger and beer. But -- you say -- inflation. We make a lot more money these days so of course everything is more expensive. Fair enough, so what should that burger and brew that set you back a buck and a quarter cost today. According to the inflation calculator your total for today SHOULD be $9.28. I’m going to make this clear (for myself if no one else) a ballpark meal has more than doubled in value against the dollar in the past fifty years. Way more than doubled. 


Why?


On the one hand that’s the way of the world today where billion dollar corporations can’t soak us regular folk enough. Plus there are those exorbitant salaries that have to be paid. But shouldn’t the massive increase in revenues from TV and streaming and advertising cover a large chunk of salaries? Now we’re getting into areas that are beyond my ken. What I know for certain is that fans are getting soaked. Hell, look at ticket prices. When I was a high school student it was nothing for my friends and I to go to a game. Today even shelling out for a bleacher seat is enough to give one pause. Sure your average Joe or Josephine can make it to a game, maybe even buy a hot dog and soda, but it will put a dent into the wallet and may be awhile before you can go again. Again I long for the good ole days.

11 March 2023

Courted by the CIA, A European Adventure

Paris, Summer 1970

In 1970 I was in my junior year at Cal. Though nominally an econ student I was far more pre-occupied with being a campus radical — an “inside” agitator, to turn a phrase, whose bête noire was the war in Vietnam. I was in love with a sophomore named Krya Santini with whom I spent most nights. Kyra was tall, beautiful and shared my passion for left wing causes.

In February I’d received a $5,000 inheritance from a recently deceased grandmother so determined that Kyra and I would take a break from politics and Berkeley for a six-week European vacation after the Spring semester ended in June.


We flew to Paris the day after my brother’s wedding, arriving at six a.m. local time, jet lagged and hungover. We took an expensive taxi ride to a hotel in the Latin Quarter, Hôtel des Arènes, overlooking the Arènes de Lutèce, a park that had been an outdoor arena in Roman times. It required all my persuasive powers to convince Kyra — and for that matter, myself — that the wisest course was not to collapse into bed but to start acclimating ourselves to the time change by getting out and enjoying our first day in the City of Light. Several strong cups of coffee in a nearby cafe helped us on our course.


Stepping out of the cafe we found ourselves on a large avenue called the Rue Monge and with no conception of what was where, began walking. It was a happy accident that we found the famous bookstore, Shakespeare & Company where Hemingway, Joyce and others of the Lost Generation had convened. After buying a bag full of books we exited the store and were surprised to see Notre Dame, not two hundred yards away. 


“If we keep wandering around aimlessly we may discover the Eiffel Tower, Napoleon’s tomb and the Louvre before dinner,” I joked.


Eventually we made our way back to the hotel noting the occasional beggar and street person and the ever-present smoke from powerful French cigarettes. Even as a part-time smoker I was occasionally overwhelmed, especially when we stopped in a cafe for a glass of wine. Kyra, who never partook of tobacco, nearly gagged.


But we found Paris to be beautiful, especially its architecture. Even the grimy grayness of some of the buildings provided something of an old world charm. 


It was Kyra’s first day in a foreign city — she was mesmerized.


“I want to live here, Charlie. There’s an elegance and at the same an intimacy to the city. Everywhere you go it’s like looking back into time.”


“I don’t know if this makes sense,” I said, “but it seems such an intelligent, sophisticated city.”


“I know exactly what you mean. Being here I feel so inspired to learn, read, study and explore ideas.”


In part owing to our enthusiasm for the city, we managed to keep each other awake until nearly nine o’clock then slept for eleven hours, awakening refreshed and ready to be tourists. 


Virtually our entire second day in Paris was spent at the Louvre. 


“Comparing the museums I’ve visited to the Louvre is like comparing McDonalds to a fine restaurant,” I told Kyra, who enthusiastically agreed.


“If I lived in Paris I’d come here everyday,” Kyra said. Having developed a greater appreciation for art from Jason’s art shows, I was in full agreement. 


The next day we visited the Eiffel Tower then Les Invalides where we gazed upon Napoleon’s tomb. Heading back to our hotel room we walked through the Luxembourg Gardens. Ravenous and exhausted we decided to stop at a bistro to rest our aching feet and sate our appetites. I was using my rudimentary French, acquired in an extension course I’d been taking, to decipher the menu when I noted a couple seated at an adjacent table, looking at us.


“Excuse me, are you Americans?” The man asked. He was tall, handsome, rugged looking like an athlete, probably in his mid to late twenties.


‘Uh oh, we’ve been found out,” I said. “Guilty.”


“That’s okay, so are we,” he said smiling. “I’m Riley McKinnon. 


“I’m Susie Donnelly,” said his companion, a lovely woman with dark curly hair and cherubic face.


Kyra and I introduced ourselves.


“Where you from in the states?” Riley asked.


“Berkeley.”


“Far out, man. That’s one of the places where it’s happening.”


“Indeed it is,” I answered. “And you?”


“I’m originally from Kansas but went to New York for college and live there now. Susie’s a native of New York.”


“Specifically, Queens,” she added.


At Riley’s suggestion we shared a table.


I found Riley to be affable, intelligent and thoughtful. Of Susie I developed no strong impressions as she was mostly silent, often looking at her partner admiringly, always smiling, laughing, frowning or appearing serious on cue.


The four of us found common cause in our opposition to the war and distrust of the American government. We also took turns extolling the virtues of Paris. Riley, who was well-traveled, suggested places to see and restaurants to dine at during the Rome and London portions of our trip. From the bistro we went bar-hopping eventually finding ourselves in a neighborhood where Hemingway once lived that was not far from our hotel. Riley pointed out Hemingway’s former apartment. “We’re on sacred ground,” I told Kyra. We entered a small, dark, crowded pub where a table had recently been vacated. After ordering drinks I went to the restroom. As I stood at a urinal a short middle-aged man with long dark hair and a thick mustache came up to me. In heavily-accented English he said, “you should be careful that man you are with is CIA.”


He might as well have told me that there was a talking duck at the bar.


“What!?”


“He calls himself Riley McKinsey, is that not correct?”


“McKinnon, not McKinsey.”


“It is all the same. He is recruiting assets, that is why he is with you now.”


“What the hell are you talking about?”


“Please, sir, I know what I speak about.”


“And just who exactly are you?”


“My name is László. I tell you the truth. These are things I know about. This man McCannon is CIA. I have no reason to lie to you sir. Be careful.”


László looked me in the eyes, patted me on the shoulder then left.


I didn’t know what to think.


When I returned to the table I gave Riley a good look. Was it my imagination or was there something too perfect about him?


With a haircut he’d look like a soldier, lean and well-built with an erect posture. It occurred to me that a lot of what he said was obvious and cliched. There wasn’t anything particularly original in his observations, particularly his criticisms of the United States. He suddenly seemed ingratiating, almost cloying.


Was I being paranoid?


But why would a mysterious stranger claim someone I was with was a CIA agent?


What exactly was an asset? Did it mean you were asked to give information, perhaps spy on people?


Never in a million years would I give the CIA so much as the time of day.


Meanwhile I was not participating in the conversation and was lost in thought.


“Earth to Charlie, what’s going on? You’re totally spaced.”


“I suddenly don’t feel well.”


“Oh no, is it your tummy?”


“Hmm? Yeah. Maybe we should head back to our room.”


“If you need to.”


“I do.”


“That’s a drag,” Riley said. “Need any help? Should we call you a cab?”


“No thanks, I can make it. We’re walking distance.”


“Here let me give you my number. Call us tomorrow, we’ll get together, this was fun.”


Riley scribbled his name and the name of his hotel on a piece of paper. “Where you staying?” He asked.


The lie came easily: “We’re not happy with where we are now so we’ll be looking for another place tomorrow.”


“Then call us in the morning, I can help you find something.”


“Sure thing.”


Kyra was baffled. We were perfectly content in our hotel.


When we got outside she asked me what that was all about.


I told her about László.


Kyra’s response surprised me: “I believe it. There was something robotic about him, like he was repeating memorized lines and it was like he was trying too hard. I wasn’t going to want to hang out with them any longer anyway.”


“Goddamn, the CIA. I find the whole thing hard to believe but I believe it all the same.”


“But we’re not really changing hotels.”


“Did we ever tell Riley where were staying?”


“We just said in the Latin Quarter.”


“Okay, we can stay.”


“Well, we’ve got a story to tell people when we get back to the states.”


“If they believe it. I’m having trouble with it myself.”


I kept an eye out for Riley during the rest of our time in Paris, which marred an otherwise wonderful time


A few days later we took the train to Rome where we again marveled at old world charms and nearly grew fat on the culinary delights. We’d been there for two weeks when it was time to board a plane for London and the final third of our vacation. 


Having gotten to the airport early we reposed in a bar where we enjoying a few glasses of Campari. We had just acknowledged to one another that we had a delightful buzz from the liquor when we noted a disturbance at one of the gates. Heavily-armed uniformed men were wrestling a man to the ground. “You’ve got the wrong guy!” He yelled in English. I went for a closer look and noted that the man being held was none other than Riley McKinnon. He was frantic. 


“The man you want is getting away!” I got the impression that none of the arresting officers understood English. 


As they propped the American into a standing position another man approached, an Italian in a suit who looked and acted like he was in charge. He barked orders at the officers who immediately let go of McKinnon. “Scusami mi dispiace,” one of the officers said to him, which I took to be an apology.


The man in charge started to speak to McKinnon in English. “I am so sorry for this, these men — ”


“Never mind that, Hereford is getting away.” With that McKinnon turned and led the men towards another gate. Soon they were out of sight.


By this time Kyra had come out and was standing next to me.


“That was the American from Paris, wasn’t it.”


“Yup. That scene kind of confirms that he’s some kind of agent.”


“Probably CIA, like your mysterious friend said.”


During the rest of our trip and in the months to come we occasionally speculated about Laszlo and McKinnon but having nothing solid to go on we could only go so far with our musings. It did make for entertaining stories to share with friends which we did regularly.


Kyra and I broke up about a year later. The war in Vietnam ended. Campus radicalism eventually took a backseat to my studies and I got a job and became part of the establishment I’d once reviled.


Twelve years after the Summer of 1970, I had just become a father for the first time, living comfortably in Marin County with my wife Lena and our daughter Emily. I was watching the evening news one night when there was a story about an American businessman whose body had been found in East Berlin. He’d been strangled to death. I recognized the man to be Riley McKinnon though on the news they gave his name as Terry Corbin, from Hartford, Connecticut.


I called my wife away from washing the dishes and told her about the news story and my evening in Paris with the mysterious man. But she seemed more interested in Kyra, a past love I’d only mentioned in passing. I’d been out of touch with Kyra since we broke up so had no way of sharing the news with her. Maybe she’d seen the same news story or read about in the paper the next day. It was big news for awhile though there was never any reference to McKinnon — or Corbin — working for the CIA. The last time I saw anything in the New York Times about his death, it was still classified as unsolved.


A few days ago I picked up a copy of “My Secret Life in the CIA” by Wendell Rifkin a former agent who was in hiding. The book has created quite a stir as it reveals details about the agent’s work over a three decade career. The author mentioned a fellow agent whose real name was Latham Orgonickle but who went by both Riley McKinnon and Terry Corbin. There wasn’t much of interest about Orgonickle/McKinnon/Corbin except that he privately espoused extreme right wing views and hoped that the military would take a more pronounced role in running the U.S. government. Rifkin added that McKinnon’s death was not related to his work for the agency, but the work of a jealous husband whose wife had had an affair with the agent.


That, no pun intended, closed the book on Riley McKinnon’s brief appearance in my life. 


On another note, I recently googled Kyra and found that she was back in Berkeley where she co-owned a health food store. I called her at the store and we had a nice chat, especially enjoying reminiscing about the time we were courted by a CIA agent. 


Kyra concluded the call by saying, "Now if we can just find out who Laszlo was...."

05 March 2023

Odd and Ends Feature My Latest Doings Including a Planned Trip and a New Celebrity Crush

Gillian Jacobs

I don’t understand trigger warnings. Why does a trigger need to be warned about anything?

I know, I’m totally hilarious. Always have been. Even as a small child I entertained family and friends with my wit. Okay, I suppose that as a tot my humor was more slapstick than urbane, the point being I was a laugh factory. Needless to say I was the class clown in school pretty much from Kindergarten through 12th grade. Some of my success with the fairer sex was that, in addition to be cute and charming, I could make women laugh. They like that — as, of course do men. Laughing is healthy. It may not be the best medicine but it’s right up there among the better ones. Especially for mild to moderate cases of the blues. As someone whose experienced enough misery I can attest to the fact that laughter can also take a bite out of even serious depression.


So I suppose my readers (Blaine Picklebottom of Peoria, Illinois) are wondering how I’ve been and what I’ve been up to.


There was a nasty cold that punched me in the face for five days and has lingered another week in the form of occasional runiness of the nose and experiencing a bit more fatigue at the end of the day that one should expect. The wife was hit by back-to-back colds with only a few days in between. Rotten luck. Younger daughter has moved back to the Bay Area after living in New York for seven plus years. She’s staying with us until finding a place of her own (already got a job — she’s a social worker) as a welcome home gift she got the cold too. Older daughter was the first in the immediate family with it. It might be traced to the little urchins who are my niece and nephew’s wee ones.


Cold aside I’ve been fine. Oh sure, occasionally anxiety, depression and questioning life’s meaning but overall happy enough. It helps that the missus and I have a forthcoming trip to Europe that we’re counting down to. On April 9th (five weeks from today) we will board a large metal bird for parts east, specifically, Paris and London. About two weeks in the former and four days in the later. That four days will include a trip to Emirates Stadium to see my favorite football (that’s soccer to you Yanks) Arsenal — currently atop the Premier League table. The price of the ticket was far, far more than I’ve ever spent on a ticket of any sort but — as my friend who I’m going with said — you only live once. I should here say that according to my Hindu friends, this is not altogether true. However I feel safe in saying that one only gets one go around in your current form. Then again there are some who suggest that we get a second turn at this life and maybe more. I’d sure like another run-through, there are one helluva lot of things I’d do differently (though I’d marry the same women and insist on the same children).


Where was I?


Oh yeah, updating….


Teaching is going well and when hasn’t it since I started being an EFL teacher? My students are delightful human beings, we got along smoothly and I’m a top professional. (Just how top is not for me to say. My point being that students get their money’s worth out of this (pulls out cliches) dedicated professional, who prioritizes student engagement and personalized instruction (excuse the resume talk).


I’m also in a state of bliss because of the success of the aforementioned Arsenal. Having a team you love dearly being successful (particularly after several years of mediocrity) is joyous. Yesterday they came from two goals down to win a last-second goal that caused bedlam in the stadium and had me leap from my chair shouting like a crazy man (okay, crazier man). In the ensuing celebration I injured my wrist, with a resultant gash that almost required stitches. I’m still riding a high.


Meanwhile I continue snipping away at the novel and have gotten it down to 155,000 words, a reduction of about 40,000. I’d like to trim another 25,000. How I’m going to manage it, is currently a mystery but one I’ve got to solve.


I’ve found a new television show to enjoy, Community. Many, many laughs. Excellent writing, great cast, especially Gillian Jacobs who I have a job celebrity crush on. *Sigh.* Thanks Hulu.


My birthday was last week. It passed with little fanfare. Nice to hear from loved ones both near and far and to be feted by the immediate family. I have no compunction about enjoying a birthday and in fact do so once a year.


Before I sign off  I wonder if anyone has any questions.


“How are you feeling about the current political scene in the U.S.?”


That’s like asking how I feel about listening to a cat vomit. Next.


“Do you think Biden should run again?”


He’s better off biking at his age.


“You’ve had a cold, rainy winter, have you enjoyed it?”


Yes. Eases the fears of drought and alleviates some of the daily fear of global warming. Did you know, by the way, that there are some idiots (see Republican Party) who still think that global warming is not real? The stupidity that persists around this country staggers the imagination.


“What’s the deal with people who nearly kill pedestrians by running stop signs?”


Flog ‘em.


"Seen any good movies recently?”


Of course. Cleo From Five to Seven, Carnal Knowledge, Shadow of a Doubt, Eo, Ivan’s Childhood, Manhunt.


“How about in theaters?”


Nothing. This isn’t traditionally a good time of year for new releases. By the way, Berkeley’s last downtown movie theaters closed. There’s one theater in the whole city. Used to be nine. Sad.


“Do you have a lot of groupies?”


Yes, but please don’t tell the wife. Among them is Gillian Jacobs. Yum.