I Offer An Apology for Comments on this Blog Made Five Years Ago

At times in my life I’ve been obnoxious, insensitive, even cruel. I’ve hurt feelings, sometimes badly. I suppose I can take solace in the fact that I’ve never physically harmed anyone and am reasonably certain I’ve caused no one any long-term damage. But still…..

Demon rum has contributed to some of the vitriol I’ve spit out. But in the nearly thirty-five years since I got sober, there’s been plenty of bile that I’ve spewed on people.

Through all the introspection I’ve done, I’ve concluded that I’m not a bad person and have done far more good than bad. My children, my nieces and nephews and their children, my wife and cousins and my late aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents all have or do hold me in high regard. Of the middle school students I taught I’d estimate that ninety per cent have fond memories of me and indeed many were inspired by the force of my personality and teaching. As an ESL teacher I believe myself to be even more popular. Most colleagues have liked me and enjoyed working with me although a few were stung by the kind of nasty remark I’m prone to making. I’ve had many friends and acquaintances and with most I’ve always maintained good relationships but that there are glaring exceptions hurts me to no end.

All of this came to mind when I read a blog post I wrote five years ago. In it I mentioned a memorial service I’d recently attended. I took the time to mention that I saw an acquaintance, there (one I’d always been fond of) for the first time in ten years. He was quite rude to me for no good reason that I can imagine. But I used my blog post to eviscerate him — by name. It was totally unnecessary on my part. (I'll spare you what I wrote.)

When I read the offending words on Friday I was shocked by my cruelty I didn't remember writing it and wondered at the person who did (me). I immediately removed the offending passage in what I suppose is a case of better late than never. The idea that I’d written that sent me into a depression that I’m only now emerging from. 

My sincerest though terrible belated apologies to Darryl Brock for my vicious and uncalled for words. He's a fine man and an excellent author.

If he chanced upon my words I doubt that he’ll ever forgive me. If he does, he’s a better man than I am.

My apology is without equivocation or excuse. There have been reasons over the years for my acid tongue or pen. I suffer PTSD as an abuse survivor, I myself abused alcohol. I’m on the bi- polar spectrum. None of this excuses anything I’ve ever said or written. I own it all. 

I will continue to try to be better and endeavor to be more careful with my words. That’s all I can do.

The Blogger Expounds on His Strange Love of Writing Tests

I like writing tests.

Does that make me weird? 

I’m sure that there are a lot of ways in which I’m weird, strange, different, unusual, atypical. Is taking joy in writing tests one of them?

Both in my former incarnation as a history teacher and now as an ESL instructor I find it challenging to write tests that are difficult but not impossibly so. It’s important that the tests correspond to the material covered and that through taking them students can discover not only how much they learned (or conversely failed to learn) but also that taking the test cements the knowledge they’ve but recently acquired. (I realize that the preceding sentence was overly long but I feel readers — both of us — can forebear it.)

I also flatter myself that my tests are “interesting.” They should not be entirely predictable. Certainly students should know what will be on the test but the wording of questions and prompts should be revelatory and help inspire revealing answers. “Discuss the causes of the Civil War” is a weak question. “Describe the main events leading to the Civil War being sure to highlight what you feel was the primary cause of the conflict.” That’s a bit wordy but a lot better than the first example. 

For an ESL vocabulary test the following is acceptable but uninspiring: “Use the word evolution in a sentence, be sure that your answer shows you know the meaning of the word.” Better would be something like: “What does it mean when something has evolved? Why is evolution an important process in life?”

Vague, general questions often inspire vague, general answers. Directed questions are more likely to elicit more thoughtful and and specific answers.

Of course a lot of tests primarily consist of multiple choice questions, especially grammar questions. Choosing the correct tense or the right preposition for a given sentence from choices a ,b and c. Those are fun to write. I try to make my sentences interesting. “Yesterday Bob _____ at the store for ten minutes when Lisa arrived. a) have been b) had been c) had gone. That’s okay but if you’re teaching the past perfect you’ve probably got an intermediate level class so you can go with something more interesting. “We  ______ at the party for half an hour when Tom arrived and ruined the evening.” Same response but a more interesting sentence. Right?

Now another confession: in addition to taking joy out of constructing tests, I also like correcting them. This has not always been true. In my my public school teaching days I’d have classes of twenty to thirty and would thus have a rather sizable pile of tests to grade at the end of the day. That could get tedious. I was also constantly disappointed at how the same students earned D’s and F’s. It was a rare if happy occasion when a struggling student exceeded expectations on a test. Facing a huge pile of tests I’d sort them. The ones that — based on reputation and how much was written — looked like F tests were put in one stack. The ones that looked like As were in a second stack and the rest in a third. I’d then breeze through the likely F exams (hoping to be surprised) then I’d tackle the likely A exams (hoping not to be surprised). The third stack — usually the smallest — was next and was more of a slog. 

In ESL I’ve always had either one or two classes (in semi-retirement just the one) so never have more than thirty tests, these days as few as six. 

I always note which questions had the most wrong answers so that I can review those in detail with the whole class. That’s another good thing about tests. They not only measure the progress of individual students but on classes as a whole. 

It is important to note that tests can be a reflection on a teacher as well as students. If an individual fails a test that’s on the students, but if you’ve got a rash of Fs particularly from students who usually do well, than either you didn’t adequately prepare students or you made the test too difficult.

At some point in reading this you may have thought: but don’t text books come with ready-made tests? In fact, aren’t there tests online and in books that you can just photocopy? The answer is: yes. A teacher can conceivably go through an entire career without ever writing a test and I’m sure many do. If I ever used a generic test it was back in my early days as a teacher and I have no specific memory of having done so. Some ready-made tests are fine. But far, far better to tailor your tests to a particular class (or group of classes) after all a good teacher occasionally (more than just occasionally is preferable) deviates from the prescribed material and curriculum. Plus using generic tests deprives you of the fun of writing your own. A teacher is simply not as invested in test she or she didn’t create. Make it your own. Make it fun. 

So that’s a lot more than I ever expected to write about tests and at that I could say a lot more and maybe I will in future. But first this:

In this blog post the author a) wrote of his love of writing tests b) discussed the migratory patterns of Canadien Geese c) extolled certain herbal teas.

If a class performs poorly on a test it could be a reflection on a) the weather b) the price of oil c) the teacher’s failure to prepare the class or having made the test too difficult.

What did the author say about using generic tests? a) it’s for the birds b) it’s okay but better to create one’s own c) it’s a leading cause of divorce.

I’ll have your tests back for you tomorrow. No homework tonight. Have a great rest of the day everybody!

The Author Gives Advice Because it's High Time

My kind of rabbit

It’s high time I again dispensed with advice. 

Hold on a second, what exactly does “high time” mean? I hear it all the time but don’t know how it’s any different than “low time” or “medium height” time. 

(The author now departs to seek answers, he'll return shortly, I'm sure.)

Here’s what I found out by using a computer function called “google.” 

“High time” derives from the allusion to the warmest time of day - when the sun is highest in the sky. High noon is another way of saying it. Shakespeare used it in his Comedy of Errors, 1590:

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE:
There's none but witches do inhabit here;
And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.

After more searching I discovered that Willie Shakes (as the great bard was called by his friends) did not coin the term which dates back as far as 13th century.

Now then… where was I?

Oh yes, advice.

1) When ruminating over your shortcomings, failures, missed opportunities, foibles and wrong roads taken, also be sure to take a second to celebrate your successes, your health, family, friends, accomplishments and all the possibilities that lay ahead. You’ll find a lot to be grateful for. Hard as it can be at times, being a glass half full person is far preferable to a glass half empty one. Also remember that bunny rabbits are cute although I don’t personally fancy the ones that are all white and have red beady eyes. Give me a gray or brown one with big ears and some personality.

2) Don’t spend too much time on the internet, particularly social media. It’s easy to get sucked into twitter and instagram and all that other nonsense and indeed I spend some time there myself. But moderation in all things. Don’t sacrifice time that you could be interacting with a live human being for scrolling through your twitter feed. Don’t gape endlessly at Tik Tok when there are books and poems to be read. Take a walk and bury your phone in a pocket. Go to the park, a concert, a lecture, a poetry reading, a piano recital, a ball game, a museum, a hike, a bike ride, a dance, a friends’s house. Host a barbecue, arrange a picnic, write an email to a friend, mediate, do yoga, exercise, clean the house, make love. Let your brain absorb more than 140 characters at a time. Live.

3) Cut down on the complaining. It’s too easy and too easy to get sucked into. Work environments are breeding grounds for complainers. I’ve wasted far too much of my time griping, grumbling, criticizing, bellyaching, lamenting, moaning, whining, bemoaning, bewailing, carping and deprecating. This is something that, again, is fine in moderation. But my god, so much of it is repetitious and unproductive. Is there something to be done about the complaint? Can you take action? If so, do it. If not, let it go. Get it off your chest and move on. Also, try not to abet others who are in a complaining cycling. Hear them out once then disengage from further bitching sessions, maybe suggest that they do likewise. If someone is a chronic complainer (and lord knows there are plenty of those about) steer clear of them, especially when they get wound up.

Now a few quickies:

4) Don’t engage in protected internet arguments with people you don’t know, especially if they are obviously intractable. And for God’s sakes don’t get yourself into a lather because there’s some moron who stubbornly insists that two and two is three. They’re not worth your energy.

5) If you’re in emotional pain, get help. Most folks don’t hesitate to see a doctor if they’ve got a physical ailment, but are reluctant to seek help when the problem is something like depression or anxiety. Many people self-medicate — with booze or drugs — others grit their teeth and bear their pain in silence. Don’t. There’s zero shame in getting help and you’ve everything to gain — such as happiness.

6) Don’t be late and don’t bore people. My two greatest fears in terms of human interaction are that I’ll be late or I’ll bore someone — or some people — while talking. This is particularly important in my role as a teacher. Making people wait is rude. Don’t do it. Boring people is tougher to avoid. What is fascinating to you may be of little interest to someone else. Know your audience, look for signs the other person is not interested, such as if they fall fast asleep while you’re describing a painful bunion you just had removed. 

I hope that helps. Thanks for reading this far. You’ve been great.

The Blogger Returns After a Nearly Two-Week Absence -- No Excuses Offered -- Various Topics Explored

Bob Odenkirk and Rhea Seehorn of Better Call Saul

The tenth of the month and still no blog posts. Okay, well, there's this one which raises the total to (gets out calculator) ONE. I’ve had a lot to say. No, maybe not, maybe I haven’t had much to say at all. I can’t tell which. Maybe a little bit to say. Maybe an average amount to say. In any case all my writing time has been focused on the novel which — as they say — is coming along. I suppose I’ve mentioned before about how much I enjoy the process. Yeah, I have. I  love living in the world I’ve created. I’m spending a lot of time with characters of my own creation. I know these people like they were old friends, which in a sense they are. In writing a novel it's paramount that the readers feel as though they know the characters as well. So they have to be “well-drawn.” I’m working on it.

Hey, did you know I’m getting a pacemaker? Yup. Within the next couple of months I go under the knife, so to speak. I’m fine about the whole thing. Anytime you have a “surgical procedure” there are risks but one feels more confident when the “procedure” doesn’t even require you to spend the night in the hospital and you can go running around again in a couple of days.

I have atrial fibrillation which means that the ole ticker has occasional flurries of beating too rapidly with occasional short pauses when it rests. It hasn’t kept me from doing anything, in fact I’ve been working out as usual. But it can get worse and that’s trouble.

Anyone else watching and enjoy Better Call Saul? One of the great TV shows of all time is ending next Monday. I’m on pins and needles (very uncomfortable). I’d write more about the show but it would mostly be a series of adjectives in the nature of “outstanding” “great” “amazing” “compelling” “fascinating.” Maybe — as I did with Breaking Bad — I can give a more nuanced assessment at a later date. It'll be hard to know where to start with a veritable universe like BCS's. So much credit (perhaps the lion's share) has to go to creator and show runner, Vince Gilligan. But the actors....Bob Odenkirk and Rhea Seehorn are (glowing adjective) but then so is the whole cast. 

Recently watched Licorice Pizza (2021) Anderson again. It was number two on my top ten lists of films for 2021. Drive My Car (2021) Hamaguchi was numero uno — when it became available on DVD I immediately pre-ordered a copy which arrived a few weeks ago. Re-watching these films affirmed to me that they worthy of the top two spots. I’ll not say more about either now as again I’d be rattling off a string of adjectives. One thing I took note of with Licorice Pizza is the obvious joy that director Paul Thomas Anderson took in creating the picture. His ebullience came through, making it a damn fun movie to watch. Drive My Car is a masterpiece. It's just under three hours long yet flies by.

Elsewhere in my life... I still have to endure the pain of depression. It’s a bastard. Everything in your world can be jake but that melancholia wraps its tentacles around you just the same. Then everything you’ve done, are doing or are going to do seems meaningless and stupid. The most pleasant of memories is shrouded in blackness and the good feelings that should imbue your spirit are blown into the ether. What a terrible affliction. Anyway, it’s not currently here so best to put it out of my mind.

Ending on a more pleasant note: puppies, ducks, kittens, moose, cool breezes, hot tea, hugs, kisses, fist bumps, breakfast, lunch, dinner, Better Call Saul, Only Murders in the Building, The Beatles, your favorite team winning.